To take part in discussions on talkSFU, please apply for membership (SFU email id required).
Doubts, but don't know what to do!
Alllright.
My boyfriend and I have been on-and-off for the last year (May-Dec, then Feb to now). During the two months or so that we were apart, I was dating other people but I just didn't feel anything like what I felt with him. The thing is that I know I could do so much better (in the way he treats me, mostly) but I'm in a position where I just keep coming back because I 'm absolute sucker for him.
I've been unhappy for the last month because things have taken a downturn once again, but he seems to think nothing is wrong. SO, last night I asked whoever the divine spirit is up there to give me a sign or something so I can stop mulling over it and figure out what to do -- be with him and remain unhappy, or break things off for good. I kind of 'prayed' half-heartedly, but today it was answered I think....I was at work and this client came in. We started talking, and I could tell that she was a little different (she had some crazy premonition things going on) but she was a very sweet lady. We started talking about relationships, and she told me that I'm going to have no problem finding someone. I told her I had a boyfriend, but she came back with, "you won't end up with him forever. In fact, you haven't even met your husband. When you do, you'll know within three weeks of being with him that you're in love".
I felt like crying then and there! It was so strange but surreal.
Anyway, I'm terrible at break ups, and obviously I'm thinking more and more about it. How do you tell someone after a year that you love them, but it's not going to work? Have any of you been in a similar situation? (without the crazy woman!)
My boyfriend and I have been on-and-off for the last year (May-Dec, then Feb to now). During the two months or so that we were apart, I was dating other people but I just didn't feel anything like what I felt with him. The thing is that I know I could do so much better (in the way he treats me, mostly) but I'm in a position where I just keep coming back because I 'm absolute sucker for him.
I've been unhappy for the last month because things have taken a downturn once again, but he seems to think nothing is wrong. SO, last night I asked whoever the divine spirit is up there to give me a sign or something so I can stop mulling over it and figure out what to do -- be with him and remain unhappy, or break things off for good. I kind of 'prayed' half-heartedly, but today it was answered I think....I was at work and this client came in. We started talking, and I could tell that she was a little different (she had some crazy premonition things going on) but she was a very sweet lady. We started talking about relationships, and she told me that I'm going to have no problem finding someone. I told her I had a boyfriend, but she came back with, "you won't end up with him forever. In fact, you haven't even met your husband. When you do, you'll know within three weeks of being with him that you're in love".
I felt like crying then and there! It was so strange but surreal.
Anyway, I'm terrible at break ups, and obviously I'm thinking more and more about it. How do you tell someone after a year that you love them, but it's not going to work? Have any of you been in a similar situation? (without the crazy woman!)
Comments
after you break up if you arent filling your time you will just get back together i done it a million times its like a drug, you have to go cold turkey
the funny thing is, in a year from now youll wonder why you even found it so hard as you did once you meet someone else you actually do like
i find as we get older its harder to find those people, after being with other people and knowing what you like
every last second you waste with him is one you could miss meeting that person in an elevator
Last break up for me was...
"Sorry, but I don't think this is going to work out. What I felt before has... faded, I just don't see it happening...ever"
And that's the thing. Nothing has ever faded since I've met him, it's just a matter of respecting myself and realizing that I don't have to settle at this point. Which is hard!
Then again, nobody is telling you to settle. You can still have fun and date and do all those good things until you're ready. If you're not ready, why settle =)
You obviously seem to have made up your mind, crazy woman or not....so just tell him, "Look, things dont seem to be right with us. I just dont think its working out...." blah blah blah and mention the whole you're not ready to settle thing. You'll prolly feel much better if you tell him the truth instead of just sugar coating it. But you can always do the "its not you, its me" thing. Ive actually used that one in the past cuz it was true!
and 1 year that’s nothing honestly
just be honest, i don’t get why girls always try and sugar coat everything, be blunt, honest and speak ur mind, if he can’t handle the truth too bad
i dated my ex for 3years b4 finally calling it off, and it wasn’t because i stopped loving her, it’s because i realized i couldn’t be what she needed
people need to man up and accept their weaknesses and not drag people down with them because its simply convenient for them.
i told my ex when we started dating id do everything within my power to make her happy and into everything she can be and i realized that it wasn’t going to happen if we were together since we had different perspectives in life
seriously though tell him how u feel if he can’t take it like a man, then don’t waste ur time
PS: excuse my language as im fuckn drunk out of my mind :) one too many drinks of Jose Cuervo to celebrate finishing 3rd year :P
i know i'm a sucker for tarot and palm readings.. it's fun to hear what they have to say.. =) i will be mindful of the things they say but i never take it to heart and let it control my life... especially when i need to make important decisions.. so rather than thinking about the problem in context of what that lady said.. think for yourself and what the relationship between you and your bf means to you..
I did talk to him about it last night though, and he said he had 'real world decisions' to make and didn't want to tell me about it, so he's been a bit 'off' for a while, which in turn pissed me off and I said he was afraid of being vulnerable, he said it was more just guarded, and I told him that if this is how it's going to be, it's not going to work, then hung up.
SO because both of us are stubborn people, I'm assuming neither of us is going to pick up the phone anytime soon, and I feel pretty good about that.
Best of luck, please write us the updates
xx
If he doesnt call you today, i think thats a pretty clear sign of what he's feeling imo.
This is actually the first day in awhile that I feel pretty good about it all, so maybe it'll work out for the best! Haha.
break up with him :D
Tell him that a mature, adult relationship needs more than just love, and even though you love him, it's not enough, especially if you question how much he might love you back, considering the way he's treated you.
Where be them updates?! :beer:
Basically, you believe that the "divine-spirit" would give you a sign. So you'll see signs everywhere. Whereas normally something would be mundane you see it as a sign. For example, you turn on the T.V. and see an episode of Sex and the City where Charlotte's having a divorce. You might think that's a sign. I'm simply telling you to not base your decision on what that lady had said. How could she have known if you liked your boyfriend or not?
I guess I'm an optimist, or naive, or something.
:teeth: I was hopeful, too, that's why I gave him time. I spent two years of a four year relationship waiting for him to grow up, but it never happened. It wasn't exactly a waste a time--I learned a few things. Go with whatever is right for you, and whatever the result, at least you can say you did it.
He's also 9 years older so maturity shouldn't really be a question, but for some reason it seems to be.
We still have pretty open communication, just general day-to-day catching up. Probably not healthy, but it keeps things interesting. Anyway, 2 weeks ago I was at work, looking at a calendar, and for some reason May 25th just popped out at me. Shortly after, my blonde self became a little less blonde, and realized that it's the day we met last year. I texted him, asking if there was a chance he could keep the night open for me, and he said yes. Then he asked for what reason, and I said that I had a surprise. He always talked about how he never got a chance to go golfing because he was so busy, so I planned an early dinner at my favourite restaurant, and then a night round of golf.
I was sososo excited, and he seemed to be as well. Then 2 days ago I asked him if Sunday still worked, and he said that his parents were flying in and he had to pick them up, but we could meet later. I said that was fine, etc etc. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere, today he starts talking about how he's tired, he doesn't want to schedule anything, and starts getting all vague and jerkish. I'm pretty sure that Sunday is off.
Annnd now I'm sitting at home on a Friday night, venting (and crying!) on an internet forum. I love life!
which probably wont work cause youll end up wanting to talk to him anyway cause you spent so much time with him
give him the cold shoulder and wait until he comes back to you, or say youre going out with some guy on sunday instead if he cant commit cause you want to golf and know someone else who really likes golfing
I want so badly to try the cold turkey thing, but it hasn't worked in the past...maybe this time???
God I am weak. So, so weak.
I want to punch him.
That is all.
Thanks for the (physical) support Vonnie!!!