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A Long Distance Relationship + Difference in Cultural Values = Heartache
I met my sweetheart at SFU in first year. She's a sophomore and still has two more years of school left. But after she's done with school she wants to be a doctor or pharmacist, and that will be another four years. I love her and trust to very much, and will wait for however long it takes to be with her. Right now we are about two hours apart. She still lives with her parents, and I go visit her every chance I get. She doesn't visit me because her mother won't let her. She says it's too dangerous to drive. So I'm the one who is always traveling.
Now, my girlfriend's mom is very traditional Filipino. Meaning she is VERY strict. This is getting on my nerves so much. It's very frustrating to see my girlfriend, who is so obediant, just let her mom tell her what to do all the time. She wants to go visit me, but its not her decision she says. Well I'm not sure how much of culture is talking or what, but she is 19 years old, a big girl now, and can make up her mind for herself..... right? I assume they all trust me, and knew I was a good person for their daughter. But now I'm getting doubts, like they don't accept me.
My girlfriend requested time off from work so we can have a nice 9 monthsary together. I asked her if she could come visit me for once for our 9 monthsary. She said I don't know if my mom will let me. Well, I'm taking a stand. I've given into all her family's cultural traditions for long enough. I've decided not to go visit her next weekend for our 9 monthsary. If she wants a 9 monthsary, she will have to be the one to visit me. I told her this, and she is sad because now she has to decide whether or not to break her mom's rules. If she does her mom will be very upset with her. If she doesn't I will be very dissapointed in her. I hate to make her sad, but I'm sick and tired of doing all the sacrificing.
Is it reasonable for me to put her in this situation?
Now, my girlfriend's mom is very traditional Filipino. Meaning she is VERY strict. This is getting on my nerves so much. It's very frustrating to see my girlfriend, who is so obediant, just let her mom tell her what to do all the time. She wants to go visit me, but its not her decision she says. Well I'm not sure how much of culture is talking or what, but she is 19 years old, a big girl now, and can make up her mind for herself..... right? I assume they all trust me, and knew I was a good person for their daughter. But now I'm getting doubts, like they don't accept me.
My girlfriend requested time off from work so we can have a nice 9 monthsary together. I asked her if she could come visit me for once for our 9 monthsary. She said I don't know if my mom will let me. Well, I'm taking a stand. I've given into all her family's cultural traditions for long enough. I've decided not to go visit her next weekend for our 9 monthsary. If she wants a 9 monthsary, she will have to be the one to visit me. I told her this, and she is sad because now she has to decide whether or not to break her mom's rules. If she does her mom will be very upset with her. If she doesn't I will be very dissapointed in her. I hate to make her sad, but I'm sick and tired of doing all the sacrificing.
Is it reasonable for me to put her in this situation?
Comments
I mean, no offence, but for one; if you really really like her, you would never ask her to not obey what her mom has told her... and second of all, you can't talk like that about others cultures, cos you just don't understand it...
I mean, things seem so black and white when you are not from that culture, but trust me when I say that they are not...
if you push it any harder, she'll probably break up with you because you're not getting her and her parents...
I come from asian background but I have lived my whole life overseas, and one thing I have learned from all asian cultures is that daughters and sons will never do what their parents tell em not to do, I know you don't get this... but it's not gonna happen... trust me... you just don't have that something to understand the culture...
good going son...
It isn't fair to make her choose between her family and you... this is a battle you will always lose!
If you can't deal with this now and aren't willing to abide by her mom's rules, then you had might as well find a new girl.