Feeling bored in a relationship

Tinana

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 14 months but I'm getting bored. I don't know why... I think it might be because we're in a long distance relationship. We've been long distance for half the time we've been together. He doesn't do any of the "surprises" or out-of-the-blue kind of things anymore. No surprises, nothing. Everything is the same. Everyday is a routine.

Has anyone felt like this before? I miss the first few months of the relationship in the "heads over heels" stage. We fight a lot. We have always argued and fought. But during the first few months, it didn't matter much. But now, being together this long, and being so far away from eachother, although we fight less than before, everytime it happens, it's very very bad.

I also miss the chase. Although if at times it meant rejection, I miss it. I miss going after guys. I don't have any guy in mind but I just miss it. I miss some aspects of single life. I miss the butterflies-in-the-stomach kind of feeling.

I love him and all but how can we make it work? How can we find away to excite our relationship being so far away from eachother? He visits about once every 3 months. Is it bad that I'm feeling bored?? Is it normal to feel this way even though you love someone?

imelting

hah this was the same kinda shit i went through

i dont even know what i can tell u, its rough, just really depends on how much both of u want it to work out, cause ultimately it takes the both of u to make it work.. a lot of compromise and trust

if u feel bored and miss the chase etc, it could be a sign u are not really for a long term relationship.. like ur still young and stuf and u want to keep ur options open

Steven

I'm in the same situation as you. And yeah, it is very hard. Sometimes I even ask myself "is it worth it?" and never seem to get a very good logical question to it. To be honest, everything is against this relationship; the time, effort, emotional resources, and money.. all say nah its not worth it. However, there is something inside of me that just makes me keep on going. And we're at the point of our lives where we are literally too busy for each other. But I do believe one day we will settle down and enjoy life more than anyone else because we are paying for it now, while many others may still be paying for it in the future hence not enjoying life like how they are suppose to.

In your case, if you want to look for excitement, why don't you be the one that does the surprises? In many ways, guys are not that different from girls, we still very much like a nice surprise too.

Tinana

I tried. After we both separated for different universities, I sent him mail every two weeks. Surprised him with baked cookies, presents, hand-made cards.

I did that for about 3 months. But it was only a one-sided thing... So I stopped after a while...

gawdawaful

wouldnt you be more curious/worried if your guy sent you home-made baked cookies?

Malakaiii

I posted this in another thread, but I think it applies here:

I was talking with my boyfriend the other night about how things have changed between us as time has gone on (it's been 4.5 years and we've lived together for almost 4). He made a good point that when you first start dating someone, everything is new. It's really overwhelming how much there is to learn about someone and I believe that's part of the infatuation and love feeling that you get right from the start. But it fades. Ideally into something really comfortable and great... but I can see how people can be turned off when that newness stage wears off. It makes a lot of sense cuz it's very intense.

But there is something really wonderful about having someone who knows you well enough to anticipate what you might need or want, and who you can communicate with without words. Sure the first stage can totally knock you on your ass, but I am a really big fan of what that comes next. We still laugh a lot and I miss him like frigging crazy when he's not around.

Believe me, people. The chase is fun, but if you find the right person the next stage can be awesome too... give it a chance, damnit! :smile:

Berlyn

I think the problem here is not the relationship between you guys, but the distance. I am in the same situation too...and I hate it and I ask myself everyday if it's worth it. We've been doing long distance since September (with another 3 month long distance stint 7-8 months prior), and in about November, I almost broke it off. I felt like he wasn't really reciprocating the feelings as much and yah like no more surprises and stuff, you know all the things it takes to make a long distance thing work. He was shocked when I brought it up and thought nothing was wrong! I think my feelings also may have been caused because I was so depressed and upset without him, that I just wanted to end it, so it would hurt less. Anywyas, I spent christmas with him, so it kind of revived me a bit... For us the biggest problem is that we don't know if we will ever really be able to be together for the long term...and whether the sacrifices it will take to acheive that will be worth it in the end. For me, it's almost impossible to do the long distance thing without having a definite end in sight. It would be so much easier to hold on if I knew for sure we would be together later...

So I guess what I'm saying is....yes you're normal, no it's not bad to feel that way, there are other people out there in your situation who feel the EXACT same way. Yes sometimes I am bored and think of single life... I think being in a long distance relationship is definitely the most difficult kind of all..because it's like the worst of both worlds...you don't get to enjoy being single by picking up hotties with your girlfreinds, but you dont' get to stay home and cuddle with the one you love either... IT SUCKS!

Good luck though!!!!!!

Tinana

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Berlyn: It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling like this. :)


Wow, you guys give the best advice....

I posted the same thing on the VX forums.... does anyone use VX?
Gosh...... Take a look at what happened to my thread. http://www.vancouverxchange.com/forum/read.php?t=76070

LOL... so much drama in those forums...
This made me so glad to be apart of this forum , surrounded by mature ppl who are willing to give advice. :) Thanks again guys!

Messiah

Long distance realtionships are generally not a good idea, at least not at this stage in your life. I had one when I was rather young, 15ish or so, and they're just messed up. Gave me all sorts of grief for no good reason.

Unless there is a foreseeable end to the distance soon, I suggest you call it quits. Doesn't sound like things are going too hot anyway.