To take part in discussions on talkSFU, please apply for membership (SFU email id required).
SAFE SEX THREAD (effort OP)
This thread is for all things safe sex related. I will explain the basics here in the OP and then y'all can trade tips and product reviews and exchange amusing anecdotes about sex and safety. So first thing first.
What does "safe sex" really mean?
Safe sex is often understood to mean pregnancy/STD prevention, which is a large component of it. For our purposes it will refer to all aspects of sexual health including the avoidance of sexual assault and preservation of sexual health in general. We will be starting with a review of the standard STD and birth control methods, which you should probably read even if you already know the drill. First up is equipment, beginning with:
Condoms
These are at the top of the list for a reason; they are one of the most effective methods of birth control and disease prevention by far. They are cheap, easily available, and come in numerous varieties, from plain unlubricated latex to lubricated latex-free ultra thin to strawberry flavored and so on. This site has a pretty good selection to explore. Things to consider: First, you should make sure your condom technique is flawless. This cute page explains it pretty well. Guys should be able to do this quickly and without looking (the extra drop of lube is optional) and people with guy partners should be able to put one on their partner as well–– it's one of the best ways to make sure you're protected without killing the moment. This is one skill you shouldn't be reluctant to practice! Another thing that many condom users don't consider is wrapping it up for oral. Why bother? Well first of all gonorrhea, chlamydia, HPV, herpes, and even (in very rare cases) HIV can all be transmitted though oral sex. All but HIV can be transmitted both ways. If that's not enough for you, some partners may not be eager to chug the man-sauce and so may prefer a nice fruit flavored alternative. Which condom you use does depend on what you're doing. For vaginal sex, condoms with a spermicidal lubricant may provide extra peace of mind. That said, some people are allergic to the active ingredient and your chances of a properly used condom failing are incredibly low. As long as you're careful not to spill anything when you pull out (do I really need to explain this?) you should be fine. For those using door number two, an extra strength condom is a must. We'll talk more about that later though.
Care and feeding: Condoms keep for a very long time as long as you treat them right. Don't keep them in the glove compartment of your car or anywhere else they might be exposed to excessive heat or direct sunlight. Don't keep them in your wallet or back pocket (sorry guys). Anyone who carries a purse can probably find a suitable space. For those who don't, a cigarette case will hold and protect several essential safe sex items all in one convenient package. In general, just make sure your rubbers are protected against extreme temperatures, friction, and punctures, and they'll keep for decades. But let's hope they don't have to...
The bottom line: Anyone planning on having sex in the foreseeable future should know their way around a condom and keep a couple handy. You never know.
The Female Condom
The female condom is a relatively recent development and not as widely available as the standard "male" version. It also seems slightly less convenient to use, but I'll let you be the judge of that. It definitely doesn't seem like the kind of thing the male partner could just spring on the female.* Hopefully someone can use one and post a trip report in this thread.
*The video fucking sucks, it's just one of the three hits I got searching "female condom" so there it is.
The Dental Dam
Okay, so condoms are great but what if your partner is of the female persuasion? She's just as deserving of oral, and you're both just as deserving of safety, so what to do? Dental dams to the rescue. The dental dam can sort of be thought of as a condom for your face. Just hold it over the area that will be receiving your oral attention (hint: this may also be door number two) and go to town. They come in different sizes and flavors-- you can even make one yourself by cutting up a condom. It's fairly idiot proof as long as you keep it in place, don't flip it over, and never ever transfer it from one body part to another. It's possible to use certain kinds (non microwaveable) of saran wrap as a makeshift barrier in a pinch, but really you're much better off using the real thing. Dams are cheap and take up very little space, so there's no good reason not to take one anywhere you would a condom. Unfortunately dams are a little harder to find than condoms so it's probably a good idea to stock up rather than trying to grab them at London Drugs on the way home. Unlike condoms, dental dams almost must be used with another key ingredient for safe sex:
Lube
No matter who you are having sex with, and no matter how, lube is your friend. "But wait!" I hear you cry "This is the safe sex thread not the good sex thread, I'm here to make sure I don't get HPV not learn how lubing up makes for a better handjob!" Well read on friend. It's true that lube makes things more slippery and thus potentially more fun, but it's also important to remember that it can make you either more or less safe. The main culprit in the "less safe category" is, as some of you know, oil based lubricant. Oil based lubes can degrade latex, thus making condoms more likely to fail at that crucial moment. Not good. Luckily, water based lubes are far more common these days. Check anything you're going to use, just to be sure. If you're already using flavored condoms, it might be a good idea to keep some flavored lube around too. While not exactly candy (trip report anyone?) these lubes can help mask the flavor of latex and are perfectly fine for non-oral use as well. "Now what's this about making me more safe?" you may well ask. Well here's the thing. Sex can get pretty vigorous (if you're doing it right) and that can create a lot of friction. This is good. Too much friction however, and that delicate tissue in those lovely orifices can actually start to tear. Once you're done wincing I'll continue.
...
Okay. So it isn't always bad, or even noticeable. Still, those tiny injuries can make it much easier for all kinds of nasty infections to take root. Not good. Even if nothing gets torn, irritation can still be a problem. Both of these are especially problematic when you're entering... Guess which door. Yes, that's right, door number two. That's okay! Whether your a guy who likes guys or a girl strapping one on, a good silicone lube will ensure smooth sailing as long as you and your favorite sailor boy are up for it. Silicone lubes are useful for anyone who needs exceptional longevity or water resistance, but they're especially important for tight spaces where your usual KY just won't cut it.
Okay. All of this equipment is great, but maybe you like to ride bareback. And maybe you and your partner have both been tested, and the only concern left is pregnancy. If birth control is your only problem, consider
The Pill
Professionally known as the Combined Oral Contraceptive Pill, this monthly dose is one of the most widely used forms of child-prevention around. It's widely available, extremely effective if taken correctly, and has few negative side effects. It even has desirable side effects for some women. For those who only want to deal with their birth control method once a week, there's a patch that works in the same way as the pill. There's also a ring that you have to shove way up there but it's a stupid piece of crap and the pill and patch are way better, I'm leaving the ring out for the same reason I'm not talking about the diaphragm and the sponge. Basically I'm trying to keep "things that the woman has to cram way the fuck back into her vagina" to a minimum.
Plan B
The wiki page gives you the skinny on how the thing works, all morons like me know is that IT MAKE GIRL NOT HAVE BABBY. If you fucked up using the pill or patch, or decided that pulling out would work (hint: it does not, ever, even if you do it "in time") then this is your saving grace. Available at most walk-in clinics including (so far as I know) our very own SFU clinic, it's a one-stop insurance policy against experiencing the consequences of your idiocy for the next eighteen years. That said, it's called Plan B for a reason. It isn't the kind of thing you want to take all the time, and come on how hard is it to just use a condom.
Note on pills: As of now there is no birth control pill for men, but they're working on one. Hopefully they avoid rings of any kind when they go to market it.
............................................................................................................
Okay, so that covers the toys and whatnot pretty well I think. Anything I missed can be added here later, or just made into its own post. I'm going to take a break for now. I'll come back later for stuff about actual activities, preventing/dealing with sexual assault, whatever else. I'm hoping people will post product reviews trip reports and anecdotes to keep the thread entertaining. And if you're a lazy fuck but still have an idea for an entry let me know and maybe I'll write it.
Final thing: Anyone who has a question or comment they don't want tied to their username or real name, you can PM it to me or email it to [email]roadstarii@gmail.com[/email] I won't share your information with anyone.
Okay everyone, enjoy your very own safe sex thread.
What does "safe sex" really mean?
Safe sex is often understood to mean pregnancy/STD prevention, which is a large component of it. For our purposes it will refer to all aspects of sexual health including the avoidance of sexual assault and preservation of sexual health in general. We will be starting with a review of the standard STD and birth control methods, which you should probably read even if you already know the drill. First up is equipment, beginning with:
Condoms
These are at the top of the list for a reason; they are one of the most effective methods of birth control and disease prevention by far. They are cheap, easily available, and come in numerous varieties, from plain unlubricated latex to lubricated latex-free ultra thin to strawberry flavored and so on. This site has a pretty good selection to explore. Things to consider: First, you should make sure your condom technique is flawless. This cute page explains it pretty well. Guys should be able to do this quickly and without looking (the extra drop of lube is optional) and people with guy partners should be able to put one on their partner as well–– it's one of the best ways to make sure you're protected without killing the moment. This is one skill you shouldn't be reluctant to practice! Another thing that many condom users don't consider is wrapping it up for oral. Why bother? Well first of all gonorrhea, chlamydia, HPV, herpes, and even (in very rare cases) HIV can all be transmitted though oral sex. All but HIV can be transmitted both ways. If that's not enough for you, some partners may not be eager to chug the man-sauce and so may prefer a nice fruit flavored alternative. Which condom you use does depend on what you're doing. For vaginal sex, condoms with a spermicidal lubricant may provide extra peace of mind. That said, some people are allergic to the active ingredient and your chances of a properly used condom failing are incredibly low. As long as you're careful not to spill anything when you pull out (do I really need to explain this?) you should be fine. For those using door number two, an extra strength condom is a must. We'll talk more about that later though.
Care and feeding: Condoms keep for a very long time as long as you treat them right. Don't keep them in the glove compartment of your car or anywhere else they might be exposed to excessive heat or direct sunlight. Don't keep them in your wallet or back pocket (sorry guys). Anyone who carries a purse can probably find a suitable space. For those who don't, a cigarette case will hold and protect several essential safe sex items all in one convenient package. In general, just make sure your rubbers are protected against extreme temperatures, friction, and punctures, and they'll keep for decades. But let's hope they don't have to...
The bottom line: Anyone planning on having sex in the foreseeable future should know their way around a condom and keep a couple handy. You never know.
The Female Condom
The female condom is a relatively recent development and not as widely available as the standard "male" version. It also seems slightly less convenient to use, but I'll let you be the judge of that. It definitely doesn't seem like the kind of thing the male partner could just spring on the female.* Hopefully someone can use one and post a trip report in this thread.
*The video fucking sucks, it's just one of the three hits I got searching "female condom" so there it is.
The Dental Dam
Okay, so condoms are great but what if your partner is of the female persuasion? She's just as deserving of oral, and you're both just as deserving of safety, so what to do? Dental dams to the rescue. The dental dam can sort of be thought of as a condom for your face. Just hold it over the area that will be receiving your oral attention (hint: this may also be door number two) and go to town. They come in different sizes and flavors-- you can even make one yourself by cutting up a condom. It's fairly idiot proof as long as you keep it in place, don't flip it over, and never ever transfer it from one body part to another. It's possible to use certain kinds (non microwaveable) of saran wrap as a makeshift barrier in a pinch, but really you're much better off using the real thing. Dams are cheap and take up very little space, so there's no good reason not to take one anywhere you would a condom. Unfortunately dams are a little harder to find than condoms so it's probably a good idea to stock up rather than trying to grab them at London Drugs on the way home. Unlike condoms, dental dams almost must be used with another key ingredient for safe sex:
Lube
No matter who you are having sex with, and no matter how, lube is your friend. "But wait!" I hear you cry "This is the safe sex thread not the good sex thread, I'm here to make sure I don't get HPV not learn how lubing up makes for a better handjob!" Well read on friend. It's true that lube makes things more slippery and thus potentially more fun, but it's also important to remember that it can make you either more or less safe. The main culprit in the "less safe category" is, as some of you know, oil based lubricant. Oil based lubes can degrade latex, thus making condoms more likely to fail at that crucial moment. Not good. Luckily, water based lubes are far more common these days. Check anything you're going to use, just to be sure. If you're already using flavored condoms, it might be a good idea to keep some flavored lube around too. While not exactly candy (trip report anyone?) these lubes can help mask the flavor of latex and are perfectly fine for non-oral use as well. "Now what's this about making me more safe?" you may well ask. Well here's the thing. Sex can get pretty vigorous (if you're doing it right) and that can create a lot of friction. This is good. Too much friction however, and that delicate tissue in those lovely orifices can actually start to tear. Once you're done wincing I'll continue.
...
Okay. So it isn't always bad, or even noticeable. Still, those tiny injuries can make it much easier for all kinds of nasty infections to take root. Not good. Even if nothing gets torn, irritation can still be a problem. Both of these are especially problematic when you're entering... Guess which door. Yes, that's right, door number two. That's okay! Whether your a guy who likes guys or a girl strapping one on, a good silicone lube will ensure smooth sailing as long as you and your favorite sailor boy are up for it. Silicone lubes are useful for anyone who needs exceptional longevity or water resistance, but they're especially important for tight spaces where your usual KY just won't cut it.
Okay. All of this equipment is great, but maybe you like to ride bareback. And maybe you and your partner have both been tested, and the only concern left is pregnancy. If birth control is your only problem, consider
The Pill
Professionally known as the Combined Oral Contraceptive Pill, this monthly dose is one of the most widely used forms of child-prevention around. It's widely available, extremely effective if taken correctly, and has few negative side effects. It even has desirable side effects for some women. For those who only want to deal with their birth control method once a week, there's a patch that works in the same way as the pill. There's also a ring that you have to shove way up there but it's a stupid piece of crap and the pill and patch are way better, I'm leaving the ring out for the same reason I'm not talking about the diaphragm and the sponge. Basically I'm trying to keep "things that the woman has to cram way the fuck back into her vagina" to a minimum.
Plan B
The wiki page gives you the skinny on how the thing works, all morons like me know is that IT MAKE GIRL NOT HAVE BABBY. If you fucked up using the pill or patch, or decided that pulling out would work (hint: it does not, ever, even if you do it "in time") then this is your saving grace. Available at most walk-in clinics including (so far as I know) our very own SFU clinic, it's a one-stop insurance policy against experiencing the consequences of your idiocy for the next eighteen years. That said, it's called Plan B for a reason. It isn't the kind of thing you want to take all the time, and come on how hard is it to just use a condom.
Note on pills: As of now there is no birth control pill for men, but they're working on one. Hopefully they avoid rings of any kind when they go to market it.
............................................................................................................
Okay, so that covers the toys and whatnot pretty well I think. Anything I missed can be added here later, or just made into its own post. I'm going to take a break for now. I'll come back later for stuff about actual activities, preventing/dealing with sexual assault, whatever else. I'm hoping people will post product reviews trip reports and anecdotes to keep the thread entertaining. And if you're a lazy fuck but still have an idea for an entry let me know and maybe I'll write it.
Final thing: Anyone who has a question or comment they don't want tied to their username or real name, you can PM it to me or email it to [email]roadstarii@gmail.com[/email] I won't share your information with anyone.
Okay everyone, enjoy your very own safe sex thread.
Comments
You also forgot depo provera aka the birth control "shot" as another form of birth control.
Few negative side effects? There are many side effects that may occur due to birth control. Most often women will experience weight gain, hair loss, depression. Luckily for me, I didn't!
And you still have to pay for any type of birth control method at the SFU clinic. I think, for Alesse, the pill with the lowest dosage of hormones, it's like $12 a month. And the morning after pill (Plan B) is $26 at Superstore or $40 at Shoppers. But if you're under 25, I advise anyone to go to a youth clinic and get birth control or the morning after pill since you can get it for free there.
Just gonna copy and paste this in if that's alright with you.
Yay for safe sex!
Since you're very well schooled on birth control do you think you could make a megapost for me to drop into the OP? I definitely missed some important stuff in basically every category, I was hoping others would help me fill it in. If you just hit all the important points for each method you want added I'll quote it, add some of my trademark amusing commentary, and paste it in up top. Anyone else who thinks I'm missing something big should do the same.
I was thinking of covering each of the most common STDs in depth, still might do that. The only thing I'm absolutely sure about is that Gardasil needs an entry. Eventually I need to also start the Good Sex Thread (or someone else could but I'm a hugely productive and extremely witty writer, as seen here) for information that makes sex more enjoyable assuming you're already being safe. I thought about covering recreational sex-related drugs like Viagra and poppers but that seems to be more suited to another thread.
Again, I basically want everyone's input unless you're an idiot (I'm looking at you IVT, although my offer to double team you with randomuser still stands*). I also think trip reports would be the awesomest thing ever, but to make that work you usually need some sort of set format. Seriously though, if you know things post them because you would be horrified how clueless university students can be about sex.
*Agentbob can come too.
Regardless. The BCP that Cosmo was pushing was a type of pill that stopped your period entirely. It also said that for the first few MONTHS you are on that pill, you may get random erratic bleeding that might last up to WEEKS. Can you imagine bleeding for a week straight?
I don't understand why such medication as that would past the health issues and be introduce onto the market. How is a person supposed to bleed continuously for weeks?
And I think I said before--any type of pill that HALTS a natural bodily function is simply too un-natural. But Cosmo was pushing the drug towards women who are sick of their periods. I recalling the author of the article asking, "aren't you sick of having to take a week off sex every month??"
Anyhow. There is no ORGANIC and natural way to birth control. I agree medications and drugs are needed to aid with things such as illness or chemical imbalance--but a natural function of the body is not a cause of chemical imbalance and it shouldn't be stopped. Regulated is okay, but a complete end to it isn't.
Also Hope_2016 I don't know what your deal is but you are a terrible poster and I'm not sure you actually even really understand English. Which is why you should go here and make everyone's wildest dreams come true.
So I assume you're not really a fan of birth control pills at all.
For long-term, monogamous relationships where both partners are STD-free, nothing beats the IUD IMHO. One insertion for 5 years or so, no pills to remember, and almost no side effects for most women. Some women experience desirable effects, such as almost total lack of a period.
As far as water-based lube goes, despite the fact that K-Y and Astroglide are everywhere, they tend to dry out rather quickly. The O'My line of lubes is now available in most drugstores, is actually made in North Vancouver, and their Natural line has little taste/smell (Link here.)
Phil
Also seconding the recommendation of O'my. It's probably the most vagina-friendly lube available and the natural kind is almost completely odorless. They also sell it in a little pump bottle that doesn't have SEX LUBE written on it in huge letters, so you don't have to worry about hiding it when you have friends over. I had no idea it was made locally, go figure.
Only problem with keeping it around is that sometimes you'll be in the middle of an epic dry spell and then your roommate will ask to borrow it and then it's awkward and depressing.
And breakthrough bleeding is actually common amongst low dosage pills such as Alesse. Breakthrough bleeding or spotting occurs because the amount of hormones in the pill apparently isn't strong enough and if this happens, it is encouraged to go see your doctor to up the dosage by prescribing an alternative BCP or a new pill.
Phil
I'll try it and let you know... haha
@ Ether: Yah, I suppose you could put it that way. But "halting" pregnancy is different than stopping your period all together. Your period is supposed to happen, regardless whether you interact with someone else or not. Pregnancy occurs when your egg interacts with sperm. It's a process that CAN be regulated or prevented. I'm not against birth control because it prevents this process from taking place for the people who do not wish it.
It's like them introducing a pill that prevents you from shitting or peeing at all. Don't you wonder where that stuff would go? Sure, if there was a pill that turned your shit into cleaner shit before you shat it out, that'd be cool--but like I said, I am ok with most BCP that REGULATES your period. I'm simply against once that completely STOP your period.
@Kinky: No, I'm not talking about tiny little blood clots while you are on that particular type of BCP. I'm talking about regular bleeding like period flow. The article claims that as one of the side affects, there COULD be unpredictable blood flow that can last up to weeks. THIS IS NOT NORMAL.
No matter how I look at it, what does that type of BCP do? Disables the eggs every month? Turn it into waste inside the body and it doesn't end up coming out? I could see a woman having irregular blood flow for weeks every few months like the article says if the pill actually stores her old eggs inside for a while.
Anyhow. Chalk it up to personal preference. Some people don't mind doing with their bodies as they like--but I totally mind.