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Help Advice Needed
Hey everyone:
I got two problems and i didn't know where to post them since one is about love but the other isn't. I would like your advice on what to do regarding these problems.
1.) First off I'm asian and i've been dating a caucasian girl for about 8 months now. Our relationship is strong and she means everything to me but as you probably know our parents aren't too keen on the idea of us going out due to tradition and culture and stuff like that. The problem is her dad because he is racist against asians and he actually has threatened me ( death threats ) to try to break us up. This dad is crazy because he actually has gone to massive lengths to break us up including fighting physically with the mom for supporting us being together and he has even shot out windows at the house ( Luckily my girlfriend wasn't home at the time or else she could have been shot) . I love this girl and i'm not sure what to do next because i want to be with her but a part of me also don't want her to be hurt. Her mom is nicer and she actually appreciates how much i care for her daughter but the dad has got problems. I tried to talk and reason with the dad before but to no avail and he actually refers to asians as " scum ". So i would appreciate your advice on what i can possibly do...
I don't want to break up with her because i love her but i also don't want to be the reason she gets hurt because of her psychotic dad. Oh by the way the parents are divourced now too.
2.) My second problem is regarding my family. I recently became a christian and i am happier than i've ever been in a long time. My life up to now has not been easy because i have suffered many trials and i am now happier than ever due to my faith. However my parents are non religious and they are always on my case about how i care about my faith and friends more than the essential things i should be caring about like school... remember these are asian parents we're talking about. Anyways I talked to them about being baptized and my mom flew off the edge yelling at me for even considering it. I tried to reason with her saying that i am not choosing god over you and my new relationship will not jeopardize my relatiuonship with you as your son but she won't hear any of it. Personally i believe that she is afraid of losing me to a cult or something but still it is my decision but it hurts to know that they might not be there to support you at something that i have wanted more than anything.
So your advice on what i can do will be much appreciated. I know talksfu members always comes up with good advice so i turn it to you guys and gals to comment. Thanks for your time :)
I got two problems and i didn't know where to post them since one is about love but the other isn't. I would like your advice on what to do regarding these problems.
1.) First off I'm asian and i've been dating a caucasian girl for about 8 months now. Our relationship is strong and she means everything to me but as you probably know our parents aren't too keen on the idea of us going out due to tradition and culture and stuff like that. The problem is her dad because he is racist against asians and he actually has threatened me ( death threats ) to try to break us up. This dad is crazy because he actually has gone to massive lengths to break us up including fighting physically with the mom for supporting us being together and he has even shot out windows at the house ( Luckily my girlfriend wasn't home at the time or else she could have been shot) . I love this girl and i'm not sure what to do next because i want to be with her but a part of me also don't want her to be hurt. Her mom is nicer and she actually appreciates how much i care for her daughter but the dad has got problems. I tried to talk and reason with the dad before but to no avail and he actually refers to asians as " scum ". So i would appreciate your advice on what i can possibly do...
I don't want to break up with her because i love her but i also don't want to be the reason she gets hurt because of her psychotic dad. Oh by the way the parents are divourced now too.
2.) My second problem is regarding my family. I recently became a christian and i am happier than i've ever been in a long time. My life up to now has not been easy because i have suffered many trials and i am now happier than ever due to my faith. However my parents are non religious and they are always on my case about how i care about my faith and friends more than the essential things i should be caring about like school... remember these are asian parents we're talking about. Anyways I talked to them about being baptized and my mom flew off the edge yelling at me for even considering it. I tried to reason with her saying that i am not choosing god over you and my new relationship will not jeopardize my relatiuonship with you as your son but she won't hear any of it. Personally i believe that she is afraid of losing me to a cult or something but still it is my decision but it hurts to know that they might not be there to support you at something that i have wanted more than anything.
So your advice on what i can do will be much appreciated. I know talksfu members always comes up with good advice so i turn it to you guys and gals to comment. Thanks for your time :)
Comments
In all seriousness though... If they're divorced, why are you worried? Is your girlfriend staying with her mother? I'm sorry, but I'm incredibly pessimistic, but unless something really drastic happens to your girlfriend's dad, it's very hard, if not impossible to make a racist, non-racist. Talk to your girlfriend or your girlfriend's mom and ask him about his past. That could help you understand how he sees things.
For the family thing, I'd just say go on and get baptized. What's she gonna do if you've already gone and done it?
Random note: I always thought you were Black for some reason...?
Go get baptized. You just need a god-parent, not your real parents there.
She won't know if you've gone and done it, I mean they just pour water over your head.
i mean its one thing to respect your parents opinion and another to do as they say. its your life what you chose to do is up to you. you could be someone elses bitch and do as they say, or u can make the choices u think are best for yourself. in the end thats what matters, and i hope i dont come off as selfish but to me them giving an opinion and them forcing u to do or not do something by threats is totally overboard.
as for the girl realize this, if you do love her as much as u think you do, then her dad shouldnt matter. hes not gonna live with her for the rest of his life(in the same house), you might. so in the long run who will make her happier and who will bring her grief?
buy a bullet proof vest.
stock up on ammo.
learn to quick draw and cqc with a shotgun and handgun.
fill shotgun shells with rock salt and glass.
watch your back. lol.
in all seriousness, you cant change racist people. so, learn to deal with the dad.
LOL
True enough, thanks everyone for your input. Keep em coming :)
if you read my last sentence i wrote "IN ALL SERIOUSNESS".
sheesh
And he shot out the windows? And your girlfriend would have been shot?
And he hit his wife for you guys being together?
TELL THAT SOB TO:
GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL. DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS
Seriously, being racist is one thing, being violent is another. Ideas may not be illegal as they are hard to prove, but actions are illegal.
Your girlfriend needs to make a choice--pretend she has a normal dad and keep putting up with him, or realise that her dad needs help, whether through jail or a mental hospital, up to him.
Be realistic though, IF her dad is as bad as you say, then you guys need some police involvement. Even threats against your personal safety is enough.
Don't hesitate because you don't want to make a "big deal" out of it. Having police give her father a small warning about his behaviour will go a long way. Her father may not change his racist ways, but at least he will be reminded of which country he is in and what is illegal here. Stirring up more resentment in her father with a warning will be a lot better than him acting out his hatred towards you now.
Also... as for the Asian parents--I completely understand. I've been dating my white boyfriend now for four years, and it's taken us this long for my mother to accept him. My parents are still struggling with the fact that we will be living together, and ending up married. I'll have destroyed their hopes and dreams of marry a good rich Asian kid who has a good job and a nice car.
How do you get around it? Figure out exactly what is bothering them. This can be difficult when you have Asian parents. My mother says she doesn't want me to live with my boyfriend because we're not married. When I mentioned marriage, she says no, too, because she thinks I'm too young. I can argue with her for years and years about how I'm old enough to make my own decisions, like marriage, but that will never get anywhere. The real reason behind it is because in her old fashioned head, she thinks babies come RIGHT AFTER marriage. She doesn't realise that we're in a different age where sometimes careers, house, travels, all of those things can come AFTER marriage... and then finally babies. We're more in a world were kids want to shack up, and work towards a future together instead of having children right away.
Anyhow, not to rant. My point is that your parents may blow up at you, but try to listen to what they are saying beyond their words. They're not rejecting your faith. They are not rejecting YOU. They are worried to death that you might be making the wrong choices by putting your faith and your friends before your academics. Why? Because to their old fashioned minds, academics are everything to them.
This is how I got around that hurdle... I brought up many examples of successful careers people who never even went to university. I explained to my parents how in today's world, education means nada without work as well as life experience. Now days, every Joe or Jill can get a Bachelor's degree, but not every one of them will be able to retain a skill.
Also let them understand that your faith is what guides you in the right paths in life, because I'm thinking that is what you believe. It may not be the case for others, like me, who don't believe in a faith, but it works FOR YOU. Because when you believe enough in something--in your case, your faith--then of course it shall be whatever you believer it to be. The human will is just that amazing.
Parents, at least the ones who have raised you and never deserted you, will always worry about you, they will always reject choices that you make that they think are wrong for you. As long as you suck it up and behave like an adult, you'll be able to convince them that you ARE making informed decisions and you know what you are doing. Present your choices to them in a different light--and it's always important to let them know that you are not disobeying them. You've taken their SUGGESTIONS into account, but in light of it all, you've decided against their SUGGESTIONS and made your own choice for all the RIGHT reasons.
It may not be easy to do, but once you get past the hurdle, everything else will become so much easier.
some put this guy in jail lol, not the dad...hikin haha
but seriously, i wouldn't want my daughter to go out with some Christian nutjob either
2. Major props for having God in your life. Always remember this:
the gf dad is from vancouver, all i know is that he hates asians beyond a doubt and has gone as far as shooting his own window to make a point. He has even pushed his wife just because she supported the idea of us being together. She has argued numerous times with him about how happy their daughter has been since we've been together and that's all that matters but he's ignorant and stubborn.
Asa for my view i love her so much that i can't bare the idea of being without her and telling her that we can't be together because of the situation but i also love her so much i would blame myself if anything harmed her and i know her dad would go that far just to make me suffer.
As for my parents, i know that they're the ones supporting me throughotu everything but i would just like the idea of them standing behind me in this step of faith. Everytime i try to casually bring up a conversation about it they will explode and say things like " We don't want to hear it, or " We have enough problems to worry about "
LOL When they say this i counter back with " But " I'm not a problem ". This will usually just enforce the idea that parents should listen as well and that if they really care they will acknowledge this as well and we can work it out but it's harder it seems with asian parents.
As for my faith and friends being more important than academics, i tell them that my faith will only make me work harder, to be a better person, and to cherish everyone including my parents so overall my faith will make me better in all aspects and this should translate into a better student. It's even more painful to see that my younger brother gets treated the opposite way that i do :P
the dad seems to own guns and likes to shoot them off. maybe you should learn about them too. then you have a common ground.
might make it easier?
if the dad likes guns maybe he likes hunting too, and fishing perhaps? that'd be a good common bond kinda thing.
But it's ridiculous to criticize his religion when that's not what he even asked.
I always find it hilariously LAME when people single out Christians in an online forum and ream them out for their faith. If these people (Ferris) REALLY wanted to change the face of religion, why don't they go bitch outside a congregation? Why bother picking on a single person?
On top of that, this isn't a thread about religion. So stay on topic.