Going back to my thesis of "male and female encounter different social stigmas when they are breaking up couples." I love how you two ladies immediately assumes that the girl who break up a couple is a homewrecker. Look, what if the relationship is already a train-wreck and the girl get between this relationship to liberate the guy from a relationship he is not happy with?
There you go, this is why I said in my first post that "If the guy you are interested in IS NOT happy in his present relationship, then you have the right to go after the guy and break this relationship up."
Come to think about it, this rule should be applied to both guys and girls. But since this thread is focused on girls, I will save it for later.
If the relationship is on the down and out, let it run it's course. If randomuser is so confident that they're unhappy together, why not wait until they're done before she becomes involved? Clearly there's something there that's keeping the couple together.
If the guy wants to get out of a relationship, he should man up and break up with the girl instead of flirting with another girl and hoping that she'll do the work for him.
There are some guys out there who, even though they feel miserable, are reluctant to break up with a girl because he worries that he will, "hurt her feeling." Thus, they would need the kick in the ass from the replacement, man up, and break up with the girl. Yes, the third party will definitely hurt the girl's feeling. But hey, mission accomplished, they broke up!
Also, there are some guys who are reluctant to break up with a girl because they feel being single is detrimental to their social status. Thus, they need assurance from the replacement that she will commit to him. The best way to get assurance: swoop in for the coup de grâce.
Since Randomuser used the example of "Maid of Honor", I guess I will follow suit. In the 2001 movie American Psycho, protagonist Patrick Bateman, even though he hates his girlfriend Evelyn Williams, was reluctant to break up with her until late in the story because he fears that a break up will damage his social status.
Happy relationship or not, breaking up a couple is in bad taste.
I don't believe that anyone outside a relationship has any "right" to break up a relationship unless under serious circumstances (one is just using the other, one is just in for the money, something like that)
Well, at least we agree that there are serious circumstances where breaking up a couple is necessary. Instead of using the each other or money, I was thinking more of abusing relationships (ex: Chris Brown and Rihanna). This point would bring me to the last point of my argument
nicole;51444 said:
If the relationship is on the down and out, let it run it's course. If randomuser is so confident that they're unhappy together, why not wait until they're done before she becomes involved?
But some people just don't want to wait or can't wait. Have you ever heard of the phrase "Carpe diem", Seize the Day? I don't want to wait around while the girl that I like feel miserable and frustrated in her current relationship. Rule #1 of liking someone: If she feels miserable and fustrated, HELP. I would much rather let her know that, "if you break up now, I am ready on stand-by" so she would break up with some assurance.
Besides, the last thing I want to do is to confess my love of the girl to her parents at her funeral because she didn't get out of an abusive relationship in time. I know I am making many assumptions, but you got to understand why I feel so urgent and how the end justifies the mean.
I really doubt the guys is as miserable as you guys are making him out to be. All we have is the opinion of the third party (randomuser), who from the looks of the last couple of threads, wants something she cant have.
And yes, breaking them up would be a bitch move on your part.
i agree that going in and breaking up a couple so you could snag the guy/girl is low.. real low.. BUT if the guy/girl still flirts with the opposite sex knowing that they're still attached to someone else.. i say that's fair game.. after all he came to you willingly.. not the other way around..
bottom line is.. people should learn do deal with the ups and down in relationships.. learn to deal with boyfriend/girlfriend snagging material in a mature and effective way.. if it doesn't work out you let go and move on..
I don't understand people hanging onto people as security blankets. You're not satisfied with the person you're with, do both you and the other person a favour and break it off, stop wasting time (both their's and your's). There shouldn't have to be another person to be the reason why you're breaking up with someone. The relationship is about those two people and only those two people.
In this situation, it seems that both randomuser and the guy she wants are just looking at each other as the "better alternatives." Which seems to suggest that if they end up together, and either party finds yet another "better alternative," a similar situation would then ensue.
I don't know about you, but "good enough for now" doesn't cut it for me.
If the relationship is on the down and out, let it run it's course. If randomuser is so confident that they're unhappy together, why not wait until they're done before she becomes involved? Clearly there's something there that's keeping the couple together.
i'm gonna have to fully agree with you on this.
with one of my ex's everyone thought we hated each other and were pissed @ each other etc. and from a 3rd person point of view ppl thought we shouldn't be together, but although we had our differences we were closer then anyone could've guessed and i lol-ed pretty hard when ppl told me to dump her, or when a friend of mine (chick) tried to break us up
from the outside it may seem like nothing is going right but i think most of the time its just something really silly blown out of proportion that the outsides see, nothing nearly as drastic as it seems
that said ill have to defend the other side of the argument. homewrecking for urself is low and i fully agree with that. but if ur not doing it for urself i think it can be "ok" one of my friends (chick) was dating some major loser. like the guy had no life, aspiration, motivation or anything. he was a dead end, didn't take her anywhere cuz he was too cheap. now i was good friends with her for a long time and i couldn't believe she would date someone that pathetic so i did lead her on and i did break them up if homewrecking cuz i want my friends to be with decent people is low then shame on me =p
Going back to my thesis of "male and female encounter different social stigmas when they are breaking up couples." I love how you two ladies immediately assumes that the girl who break up a couple is a homewrecker. Look, what if the relationship is already a train-wreck and the girl get between this relationship to liberate the guy from a relationship he is not happy with?
Yes, but I don't see it "liberating" when they are still in a relationship. If it's really that bad, why not just break it off already and stop wasting her time and his? Even if you're "on the rocks", it does not give you the right to act single again. It's just low and pathetic to me, that's all.
I'm sorry, I just don't believe in cheating at all. Once a cheater, always a cheater, in my opinion.
Breaking couples up? No matter how you look at it, it's wrong.
Let's leave guys out of the picture first--because most guys I know wouldn't do that to another guy.
But girls. Seriously? Would you want the same thing to happen to yourself? No matter what the circumstances? Do you want a different girl come in between you and your boyfriend to "rescue" both of you from a crashing relationship? Even if you weren't in love with your boyfriend, would you want the third party in the picture to be the one to remind you of that?
There is no justification for coming in between couples. It's completely disrespectful. Those of you who voted aye, please consider, what if you were the girlfriend in the picture, would you want a third party involvement of any kind in your relationship? It's age old words, "walk a mile in someone else's shoes" that should be considered before interacting with other human beings and getting yourself involved.
It's great and all to pine for someone and wish they weren't in a relationship--but the fact of the matter is, once you decide to actively DO something about that relationship, you will have compromised your own morality. You're acting on your basic attractions to a certain thing, whether being or person, you're acting on your WANT and by doing so infringing on another person's minimum basic NEED. We all came into this world expecting to be human beings and expecting to be respected by each other as such--by trampling on another person's self respect just because you thought her boyfriend looked better on your arm, you violate that human trust. You violate the ideal of intelligent human beings who are in control of animal instincts.
Like Nicole simply put... those of you in aye would definitely end up being the only "bitches" in the scene. You not only violate the couple's right to privacy, you disrespect yourself in lowering your own moral standards of yourself. And what's more disgusting, is when you have excuses like, "they were on the rocks anyhow" or "he is really better off with me" in order to make it LOOK LIKE that you HAVEN'T sunk so low.
I myself have of course wished some guy I met hadn't been single, but if someone is in a relationship, whether a great one or a failing one, I've never gotten involved. I keep my dignity and my pride. For those of you who HAVE broken up a couple before and now is completely happy with your choice, I congratulate you on your success in "getting the guy"--but I also pity you, because even if you don't realise it yourself, or see it yourself, you are already less of a human being than the rest of us who chose NOT to do the same.
Random, to be honest, each to our own beliefs. I hope it didn't come off as we were singling any one out to lynch. I think most of us just got caught up in expressing our opinions and no one should be on a high horse. I know that everyone must've met at least one person in their life that they wished weren't single. I think you were just questioning whether you should come between a couple--but the choice of words you did use pretty much gave the wrong impression of your intention.
And I'm not familiar with the notion that a guy stealing another guy's girlfriend is actually romantic... are we still talking about real life conceptions? Or TV dramas?
Good guys live by their morals. Like we try to do. There really is no difference between how males and females behave or feel in a triangle-type relationship situation, or in any type of human interaction for that matter. It could be the a guy breaking up a couple or a girl breaking up a couple and either way, the result is still the same.
I just thought by using a girl's example would make it all easier to relate, since this thread is generally posted by us girls.
If something is frequently posed a certain way in tv dramas, I think it counts as a common romantic story.
But since these are always chick flicks, and usually targeted towards younger girls in particular, the romantic skew probably results from fantasies about two men fight over you.
I think it may be because women are portrayed as weak and it's harder for them to break out of a difficult relationship (ex. abusive relationship where the woman can't get out) and men unconsciously have this hero complex where they have to save the damsel in distress and whatnot.
If something is frequently posed a certain way in tv dramas, I think it counts as a common romantic story.
COMPLETELY disagree. If everyone in the world behaved like characters in a TV drama, I think I would join a terrorist organization to put an end to the idiocy.
Anybody who uses TV dramas or ANY type of television entertainment as a guide to LIFE, they should really do the rest of us a favor by never leaving the house--which is probably an easy feat, since they love television O so much.
These human issues are always so uneccessarily complicated.
If someone is not entirely happy in a relationship, either work it out or drop it.
I imagine most of us are pretty young here and have the rest of our lives in front of us. If the person you are with is not the person you intend to marry or live commom law, and things are not working out, then it is probably a good idea to just to end it and move on to someone else or be happy single.
Randomuser, at the beginning of this thread, you mentioned the guy you are with is an asshole. If you were serious, then you should just forget about him. The other guy, with whom you now want to be with, needs to evaluate his own situation and come to his own conclusions. Third party complications can get messy and lead to greater loss.
It sounds like you should play the field a bit more rather than settle down in a monogamous relationship.
Random, to be honest, each to our own beliefs. I hope it didn't come off as we were singling any one out to lynch. I think most of us just got caught up in expressing our opinions and no one should be on a high horse. I know that everyone must've met at least one person in their life that they wished weren't single. I think you were just questioning whether you should come between a couple--but the choice of words you did use pretty much gave the wrong impression of your intention.
And I'm not familiar with the notion that a guy stealing another guy's girlfriend is actually romantic... are we still talking about real life conceptions? Or TV dramas?
Good guys live by their morals. Like we try to do. There really is no difference between how males and females behave or feel in a triangle-type relationship situation, or in any type of human interaction for that matter. It could be the a guy breaking up a couple or a girl breaking up a couple and either way, the result is still the same.
I just thought by using a girl's example would make it all easier to relate, since this thread is generally posted by us girls.
I should have been more specific, by come between I mean more saying how I feel, rather than sleep with someone while they are seeing with someone else, in the hope that they will have a change of heart.
By trying to convince someone each person is making an adult decision, rather than sleep around and involved in some triangle of who is breaking up with who.
These human issues are always so uneccessarily complicated.
If someone is not entirely happy in a relationship, either work it out or drop it.
I imagine most of us are pretty young here and have the rest of our lives in front of us. If the person you are with is not the person you intend to marry or live commom law, and things are not working out, then it is probably a good idea to just to end it and move on to someone else or be happy single.
Randomuser, at the beginning of this thread, you mentioned the guy you are with is an asshole. If you were serious, then you should just forget about him. The other guy, with whom you now want to be with, needs to evaluate his own situation and come to his own conclusions. Third party complications can get messy and lead to greater loss.
It sounds like you should play the field a bit more rather than settle down in a monogamous relationship.
Thats where you are wrong, they are more complicated than meets the eye, not out of necessity.
My current boyfriend, can be an asshole at times, and as of now the nature of our relationship is casual, no wedding bells or moving in, in the future.
And yes, the other guy needs to evaluate his own situation in light of information I'll provide him about my own motives, which I implicitly meant the entire time.
Look at the whole Angelina Jolie, and Jennifer Aniston thing with Brad Pitt.
Thats where you are wrong, they are more complicated than meets the eye, not out of necessity.
I guess for others they are, but most of the time, I find that they are not. This is usually from personal experience.
randomuser;51595 said:
My current boyfriend, can be an asshole at times, and as of now the nature of our relationship is casual, no wedding bells or moving in, in the future.
Then just dump him. It may sound harsh, but you are clearly interested in the other guy.
randomuser;51595 said:
And yes, the other guy needs to evaluate his own situation in light of information I'll provide him about my own motives, which I implicitly meant the entire time.
Exactly. Be as transparent as possible, though, when mentioning it.
randomuser;51595 said:
Look at the whole Angelina Jolie, and Jennifer Aniston thing with Brad Pitt.
Comments
If the relationship is on the down and out, let it run it's course. If randomuser is so confident that they're unhappy together, why not wait until they're done before she becomes involved? Clearly there's something there that's keeping the couple together.
Managed to google it:
http://www.snopes.com/love/revenge/emily.asp
What's all this really about?
Also, there are some guys who are reluctant to break up with a girl because they feel being single is detrimental to their social status. Thus, they need assurance from the replacement that she will commit to him. The best way to get assurance: swoop in for the coup de grâce.
Since Randomuser used the example of "Maid of Honor", I guess I will follow suit. In the 2001 movie American Psycho, protagonist Patrick Bateman, even though he hates his girlfriend Evelyn Williams, was reluctant to break up with her until late in the story because he fears that a break up will damage his social status. Well, at least we agree that there are serious circumstances where breaking up a couple is necessary. Instead of using the each other or money, I was thinking more of abusing relationships (ex: Chris Brown and Rihanna). This point would bring me to the last point of my argument But some people just don't want to wait or can't wait. Have you ever heard of the phrase "Carpe diem", Seize the Day? I don't want to wait around while the girl that I like feel miserable and frustrated in her current relationship. Rule #1 of liking someone: If she feels miserable and fustrated, HELP. I would much rather let her know that, "if you break up now, I am ready on stand-by" so she would break up with some assurance.
Besides, the last thing I want to do is to confess my love of the girl to her parents at her funeral because she didn't get out of an abusive relationship in time. I know I am making many assumptions, but you got to understand why I feel so urgent and how the end justifies the mean.
All we have is the opinion of the third party (randomuser), who from the looks of the last couple of threads, wants something she cant have.
And yes, breaking them up would be a bitch move on your part.
bottom line is.. people should learn do deal with the ups and down in relationships.. learn to deal with boyfriend/girlfriend snagging material in a mature and effective way.. if it doesn't work out you let go and move on..
In this situation, it seems that both randomuser and the guy she wants are just looking at each other as the "better alternatives." Which seems to suggest that if they end up together, and either party finds yet another "better alternative," a similar situation would then ensue.
I don't know about you, but "good enough for now" doesn't cut it for me.
with one of my ex's everyone thought we hated each other and were pissed @ each other etc. and from a 3rd person point of view ppl thought we shouldn't be together, but although we had our differences we were closer then anyone could've guessed and i lol-ed pretty hard when ppl told me to dump her, or when a friend of mine (chick) tried to break us up
from the outside it may seem like nothing is going right but i think most of the time its just something really silly blown out of proportion that the outsides see, nothing nearly as drastic as it seems
that said ill have to defend the other side of the argument.
homewrecking for urself is low and i fully agree with that. but if ur not doing it for urself i think it can be "ok"
one of my friends (chick) was dating some major loser. like the guy had no life, aspiration, motivation or anything. he was a dead end, didn't take her anywhere cuz he was too cheap. now i was good friends with her for a long time and i couldn't believe she would date someone that pathetic so i did lead her on and i did break them up
if homewrecking cuz i want my friends to be with decent people is low then shame on me =p
I'm sorry, I just don't believe in cheating at all. Once a cheater, always a cheater, in my opinion.
Let's leave guys out of the picture first--because most guys I know wouldn't do that to another guy.
But girls. Seriously? Would you want the same thing to happen to yourself? No matter what the circumstances? Do you want a different girl come in between you and your boyfriend to "rescue" both of you from a crashing relationship? Even if you weren't in love with your boyfriend, would you want the third party in the picture to be the one to remind you of that?
There is no justification for coming in between couples. It's completely disrespectful. Those of you who voted aye, please consider, what if you were the girlfriend in the picture, would you want a third party involvement of any kind in your relationship? It's age old words, "walk a mile in someone else's shoes" that should be considered before interacting with other human beings and getting yourself involved.
It's great and all to pine for someone and wish they weren't in a relationship--but the fact of the matter is, once you decide to actively DO something about that relationship, you will have compromised your own morality. You're acting on your basic attractions to a certain thing, whether being or person, you're acting on your WANT and by doing so infringing on another person's minimum basic NEED. We all came into this world expecting to be human beings and expecting to be respected by each other as such--by trampling on another person's self respect just because you thought her boyfriend looked better on your arm, you violate that human trust. You violate the ideal of intelligent human beings who are in control of animal instincts.
Like Nicole simply put... those of you in aye would definitely end up being the only "bitches" in the scene. You not only violate the couple's right to privacy, you disrespect yourself in lowering your own moral standards of yourself. And what's more disgusting, is when you have excuses like, "they were on the rocks anyhow" or "he is really better off with me" in order to make it LOOK LIKE that you HAVEN'T sunk so low.
I myself have of course wished some guy I met hadn't been single, but if someone is in a relationship, whether a great one or a failing one, I've never gotten involved. I keep my dignity and my pride. For those of you who HAVE broken up a couple before and now is completely happy with your choice, I congratulate you on your success in "getting the guy"--but I also pity you, because even if you don't realise it yourself, or see it yourself, you are already less of a human being than the rest of us who chose NOT to do the same.
How come there is this view that its like a romantic story when a guy does it?
And I'm not familiar with the notion that a guy stealing another guy's girlfriend is actually romantic... are we still talking about real life conceptions? Or TV dramas?
Good guys live by their morals. Like we try to do. There really is no difference between how males and females behave or feel in a triangle-type relationship situation, or in any type of human interaction for that matter. It could be the a guy breaking up a couple or a girl breaking up a couple and either way, the result is still the same.
I just thought by using a girl's example would make it all easier to relate, since this thread is generally posted by us girls.
But since these are always chick flicks, and usually targeted towards younger girls in particular, the romantic skew probably results from fantasies about two men fight over you.
Unconsciously made me laugh.
Back to topic!
Anybody who uses TV dramas or ANY type of television entertainment as a guide to LIFE, they should really do the rest of us a favor by never leaving the house--which is probably an easy feat, since they love television O so much.
If someone is not entirely happy in a relationship, either work it out or drop it.
I imagine most of us are pretty young here and have the rest of our lives in front of us. If the person you are with is not the person you intend to marry or live commom law, and things are not working out, then it is probably a good idea to just to end it and move on to someone else or be happy single.
Randomuser, at the beginning of this thread, you mentioned the guy you are with is an asshole. If you were serious, then you should just forget about him. The other guy, with whom you now want to be with, needs to evaluate his own situation and come to his own conclusions. Third party complications can get messy and lead to greater loss.
It sounds like you should play the field a bit more rather than settle down in a monogamous relationship.
Then again, I like drama, and it's gotten me into trouble lol.
So yeah, I'd rather wait for the guy to break up w/ his gf himself first. THEN make a move. During, is a no-no.
By trying to convince someone each person is making an adult decision, rather than sleep around and involved in some triangle of who is breaking up with who.
My current boyfriend, can be an asshole at times, and as of now the nature of our relationship is casual, no wedding bells or moving in, in the future.
And yes, the other guy needs to evaluate his own situation in light of information I'll provide him about my own motives, which I implicitly meant the entire time.
Look at the whole Angelina Jolie, and Jennifer Aniston thing with Brad Pitt.
Did you know Angelina use to keep a vial of Billy Bob Thornton's blood around her neck? What a sicko.