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No girlfriend, single, virgin...

Laddu
edited July 2008 in General
This might sound like a boring negative topic but...basicaly I dont know what to do. Im 18...never had a girlfriend never been laid and I feel so bad about it. I dont know if theres something wrong with me. The reason Ive never had a girlfriend is because ive always been shy and family problems from a young age knocked my confidence a lot. Also, the friends ive always hanged with are not in their own ways confident either. The only 'relationship' with a girl Ive ever had has been across the internet which im even ashamed of having...because it was across the internet! And I dont really know whether to even call that a proper relationship. I feel like Im going to be a virgin for the rest of my life, never find a partner or someone to love, never get married and just live with myself for the rest of my life.

What I want is a girl who has an amazing character (in my eyes) that I can love and support and just be there for. I actualy want to put effort into making her feel happy and be loved back. I want to hold her as she falls asleep in my arms and kiss her head and...blah blah you get the idea.

Anyway...yeah, what shall I do? Just keep hoping? A friend told me that I wont find a proper relationship if I go out looking, that Ill find it when I least expect it and not looking at all.
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Comments

  • Smartso
    edited December 2006
    Not many people have a stable relationship when they were 18, don't worry about it. Things will pick up.
  • ChowzzerChowzzer
    edited December 2006
    hahahahahahahaha

    i'm 18
    i'm a virgin
    i've never had a steady relationshop


    we are equal. we should hang out.
  • gawdawaful
    edited December 2006
    hey, heres to cheering you up, you have two years on me. Two years down the road and still batting .000? You'll probably still have two years on me then too.
  • PoliChic87
    edited December 2006
    you seem like a sweet guy, just talk to girls, use some cheesy pick up lines, hell even ask a girl out i mean you've never tried so what do you have to lose? not confidence obviously as thats at a very low level.
    This is the way i see it, many girls like simplicity and the odd bit of randomness so just be yourself pick a girl you like and make a move on her, get to know her and let her get to know you....who knows where it can lead?
  • siuying
    edited December 2006
    would a no boyfriend.. single.. virgin make you feel better?
  • luxferre
    edited December 2006
    u ppl should start a "no bf/gf... single... virgin" club :tongue:
  • NukeChem
    edited December 2006
    I call this meeting to order. Do we have quorum? :tongue:
  • toast
    edited December 2006
    40 years old virgin?

    I rather go jump off a cliff
  • illicit
    edited December 2006
    Luxferre said:
    u ppl should start a "no bf/gf... single... virgin" club :tongue:
    OFF TO FACEBOOK! away we go.
  • Magnificent_BastardMagnificent_Bastard
    edited December 2006
    siuying said:
    would a no boyfriend.. single.. virgin make you feel better?
    Depends, are you 18 as well?

    I think most people start worrying about that at your age. What's the big deal though? I think you're looking way too much into it, and you're being way too pessimistic about it, Laddu. It seems around a certain age, guys become preoccupied with getting a girlfriend and/or getting laid. It happens when it happens. It's better you don't go out actively looking for a girlfriend for that particular reason, or else you just end up lowering your standards just to meet this imaginary deadline you set for yourself.

    Believe me, I thought that way before too, but eventually, as long as you're not completely awkward, you'll meet somebody. Just build up your confidence.

    Oh, and all the singles should meet up, and chat...I only fear it'll be the largest sausage-fest SFU has ever seen....oh the horror!

    letssex.gif
  • imelting
    edited December 2006
    dont worry bout it too much, i think i thought about it a lot back in the day too lol
    now that its over with, i was freakin over stuff i shouldnt b

    just try and open up a bit more make more frds, u'll meet someone
  • illicit
    edited December 2006
    here's a situation where you can use this principle.

    the higher the expectation, the bigger the upset

    explaination; the more you expect to get a girl, and when you don't cause you're trying too hard, the bigger the upset.
  • tudor
    edited December 2006
    don't worry i say keep hoping! ure girl will come eventualy! and tehn ure life will change!! u can try and look but be careful!
  • affinity
    edited December 2006
    hey, hang in there! at 18 you should have fun and not worry about relationships!

    but alas we all want someone to love...my suggestion? join clubs that interest you or something like that...that way you're bound to meet someone who has a similar interest to you! dont' be afraid to talk either!
  • Malakaiii
    edited December 2006
    First, the internet is a great way to get to know people and to learn about how to connect with someone on an intellectual level. I have fantastic friends I've met through the net (my best friend lives in Illinois, we met through ICQ, I've known him for 9 years and we get together about once a year). I also met my boyfriend through the net (four years and counting!). People who point shame at those who meet over the net seem to forget that there ARE real, normal people on here too! Just make sure that you aren't investing too much in a relationship that will not ever come to reality.

    For now, the best thing you can do is just enjoy your life and do what you want to be doing. That way you will find a girl with similar interests and values as your own, and enjoy yourself along the way!

    I love my boyfriend, but now that I'm in a serious relationship I'm realizing all the awesome stuff I could be doing if I was 23 and single! I'd probably be studying in Europe or Australia, or traveling until I'm dirt poor and have to move back in with my mom!

    Basically the grass IS always greener on the other side. The best thing you can do is enjoy what you have. The right person will come along.

    "Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you" - Nathaniel Hawthorne
  • toast
    edited December 2006
    Malakaiii said:
    First, the internet is a great way to get to know people and to learn about how to connect with someone on an intellectual level. I have fantastic friends I've met through the net (my best friend lives in Illinois, we met through ICQ, I've known him for 9 years and we get together about once a year). I also met my boyfriend through the net (four years and counting!). People who point shame at those who meet over the net seem to forget that there ARE real, normal people on here too! Just make sure that you aren't investing too much in a relationship that will not ever come to reality.

    For now, the best thing you can do is just enjoy your life and do what you want to be doing. That way you will find a girl with similar interests and values as your own, and enjoy yourself along the way!

    I love my boyfriend, but now that I'm in a serious relationship I'm realizing all the awesome stuff I could be doing if I was 23 and single! I'd probably be studying in Europe or Australia, or traveling until I'm dirt poor and have to move back in with my mom!

    Basically the grass IS always greener on the other side. The best thing you can do is enjoy what you have. The right person will come along.

    "Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you" - Nathaniel Hawthorne
    internet.... I dont trust internet relationship, they are "unsafe"
  • Malakaiii
    edited December 2006
    toast said:
    internet.... I dont trust internet relationship, they are "unsafe"
    Thank you for proving my point. :wink:

    So, in theory, the internet is just YOU and a few hundred thousand pedophiles, rapists, perverts, etc? Let's be reasonable...

    Yes, there is danger in meeting people online. I don't think that 14 year olds should be running off to meet some guy they've been chatting to. However, as an adult, there are ways to have safe and healthy relationships. You have to use your common-sense.

    And I'd rather chat with people online than people at a bar.

    (my apologies if I sound bitchy. Definitely not my intention! I just want to open people's minds)
  • Magnificent_BastardMagnificent_Bastard
    edited December 2006
    toast said:
    internet.... I dont trust internet relationship, they are "unsafe"
    True, I caught herpes through an internet relationship.
  • Laddu
    edited December 2006
    Thanks for all the replies guys, I would never be able to talk aobut this in person its so embarrassing. In hiigh school, all the other guys have been partying and getting with girls but I alwyas thought that things would chance once I got to university but they havent' I mean I'm glad I go to SFU but I sometimes feel like a loner and wonderin why girls don't like me... sigh... maybe I shouldnt worry about it so much like you guys said I'm still young right
  • Rhea
    edited December 2006
    Laddu said:
    A friend told me that I wont find a proper relationship if I go out looking, that Ill find it when I least expect it and not looking at all.
    To be honest with you, I couldn't agree with your friend more.
    From a females point of view, whenever I have gone out looking for someone, i always end up to regret it, normally just getting people people in nightclubs - I'm not talking like 3/4 people a night, but you know what I mean. Most its just a kiss and thats it, but sometimes numbers are swapped, and once or twice a date or two has formed. My ex boyfriend was someone I met out clubbing, I am yet to regret anything more than the day I started going out with him!

    My currently boyfriend literally walked into my life, I met him at an open day in September, he is 22 and I am 19, and I am yet to be happier than I am with him. I didnt think I was going to find anything serious, but things happen in the weirdest place - who would think I would find my boyfriend at an open day lol

    Good luck, and dont worry
  • mstar
    edited December 2006
    I don't understand what the rush to get into a relationship is anyway. So many of my friends go crazy over their bfs and its like... what for?
  • Snowboarder Ryan
    edited December 2006
    I agree with Maria... I think its kind of a distraction to be in a relationship during university
  • toast
    edited December 2006
    instead of crying in there, why dont u do SOMETHING about it...
  • luxferre
    edited December 2006
    Snowboarder Ryan said:
    I agree with Maria... I think its kind of a distraction to be in a relationship during university
    Actually it depends... it's actually a motivation for me to study harder when I hav gf :tongue:
  • Malakaiii
    edited December 2006
    Luxferre said:
    Actually it depends... it's actually a motivation for me to study harder when I hav gf :tongue:
    I agree, Lux! My bf keeps me sane as I'm going through school. It's nice to have someone else make dinner for me when I'm too tired or to quiz me on my notes before an exam.

    I think it depends on the person you're with. I can imagine it being a distraction if they were encouraging you to go out partying when you have a test coming up or something.
  • mstar
    edited December 2006
    Well I understand taht it can be a distraction and it also can be a motivator but the question I'm asking...maybe abit too deep... why do you need a bf anyway? i mean of course u know yeah :P but imean i dont understand why its such a big deal if u have one or not .. im 20 and ive never been in a relationship before ... I guess sometimes I think whoa i must be missing out but then most times its like.. whats the big deal with those anyway?
  • illicit
    edited December 2006
    maybe you can see it as you finally have that thing you're lookin' for. so now it's out of the way, you ca nfocus on other things.
  • luxferre
    edited December 2006
    Malakaiii said:
    I agree, Lux! My bf keeps me sane as I'm going through school. It's nice to have someone else make dinner for me when I'm too tired or to quiz me on my notes before an exam.

    I think it depends on the person you're with. I can imagine it being a distraction if they were encouraging you to go out partying when you have a test coming up or something.
    I guess it's partially that, but another part for me is to get school off my back and do wut I NEED to do. Frankly I know wut I want to do is going to take a good 10 years, so with school out of the way it would be easier for me to do so. It's just like rite now I dont hav a motivation to study, and work and friends keep me goin out and slacking. When i had a gf it was lik... school, work, study, gf, that was it. Then again my friends were pretty pissed off that I didnt spend much time with them... I guess startin a family and havin the responsibility to earn bread is the motivation for me... otherwise when Im livin at home leechin off parents still I could care less if Im makin 1k/mo or 10k/mo :tongue:
  • siuying
    edited December 2006
    Magnificent_Bastard said:
    Depends, are you 18 as well?
    currently 19 gonna turn 20 soon..=)

    i just don't see the problem of guys still being virgins @ 18 and haven't been in a relationship.. maybe it's a guy thing but i think i can safely say that girls don't mind guys who are virgins.. or atleast those looking for a serious relationship and not some bang bang action.. sex is just a component of a relationship.. the majority of it depends on how you communicate and feel for each other..

    so yes.. don't trip over it laddu.. there's more to life and girls and relationships.. =)
  • illicit
    edited December 2006
    siuying said:


    so yes.. don't trip over it laddu.. there's more to life and girls and relationships.. =)
    and as you can see, even within this fairly small community, it's not uncommon to be in the same situation as you

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