I have learned that you should insist on paying 100% of the bill even if the girl offer to pay for her half. The thing is that it may impress her on the short term, but it will spoil her in the long term and hurt you financally.
So, ladies, what are your view on this.
I always insist to pay my part because it doesn't feel right for a near stranger to pay for my meal. That and I feel like I owe them something (a good night kiss, etc.) and that's the last thing I'd want.
IMO, you should only start footing the bill when you get to know a person better. And it shouldn't always be one person footing the bill. When you start a relationship with someone, little things like, "who pays the majority of the bills" matter, because it reflects upon who is pulling the bigger weight... and might become an issue later in the relationship at a more serious stage. So sharing the responsibility earlier on is best. It's establishing yourself as an equal as well as acknowledging the other person as your equal (this is important... some people are actually self-conscious about being seen as the lesser tax bracket than their date).
In that case, if you think you are being a nice person by paying the bill, don't always be so sure. Get to know a person first and find out where they might stand on the issue or else you might be stepping on their toes and hurting their pride. You don't always have to ask them directly, but just determine for yourself. Example. Independent people usually want to pay for themselves, or people who are proud.
illicit;41790 said:
So the only gender that can care about their own image is of the female specie? Then how about make-up? How about designer clothing?
I don't see why we can't " beautify " ourselves, sure there's an extent before you look like a bender but I wouldn't classify using cologne as crossing that line.
It looks like that's the issue for you though, continue on dating guys that don't look after themselves then.
I think I've already said something along the lines of, "why pay tons of money just for clothes with some famous person's name on it..." in the fashion section, a long time ago.
And make-up is a lot cheaper than perfume, thanks.
I don't mean to say a guy shouldn't "care" about his appearance, but there's a difference between showering everyday and taking about two hours to get ready everyday.
It was stupid of you to assume that I date "dirty" guys just because they don't use cologne. Unless that is your ONLY method of smelling nice?!? (OMG YOU DON'T SHOWER?????) MMMHMMM?
It's useless to "beautify" yourself when there are a lot more important things you should be doing. As long as you're staying clean and taking care of your every day hygiene, you should already SMELL NICE, anyway.
Natural beauty is a lot more attractive than brand name beauty, any day.
And before you say something like, "OMG EVEN IF YOU JUST SHOWER YOU ARE SMELLING LIKE DOVE ANYWAY, THAT IS A BRAND NAME." ----- It is a lot cheaper than Vera Wang or David Beckham, for sure.
I always insist to pay my part because it doesn't feel right for a near stranger to pay for my meal. That and I feel like I owe them something (a good night kiss, etc.) and that's the last thing I'd want.
its kidna sad most of the women ive dated in the past 3 years all seemed to pull the "i need to go to the washroom" card, timing it perfectly with the bills arrival lol not that i give a shit cuz i've always though it is rude for the guy not to pay but its interesting to know some women are like that and quite often i dont pursue further outings with those kinda girls i think guys obv want a chicks whos independent and dosnt need his ass so her offering to pay the bill or at least her share shows shes not some lg no more lol
as for feeling you owe them something, i think that kinda fucked up u shouldnt feel you owe anyone nothing its just a meal, u repay them with conversation :P
Lixie;41815 said:
I think I've already said something along the lines of, "why pay tons of money just for clothes with some famous person's name on it..." in the fashion section, a long time ago.
And make-up is a lot cheaper than perfume, thanks.
I don't mean to say a guy shouldn't "care" about his appearance, but there's a difference between showering everyday and taking about two hours to get ready everyday.
It was stupid of you to assume that I date "dirty" guys just because they don't use cologne. Unless that is your ONLY method of smelling nice?!? (OMG YOU DON'T SHOWER?????) MMMHMMM?
It's useless to "beautify" yourself when there are a lot more important things you should be doing. As long as you're staying clean and taking care of your every day hygiene, you should already SMELL NICE, anyway.
Natural beauty is a lot more attractive than brand name beauty, any day.
And before you say something like, "OMG EVEN IF YOU JUST SHOWER YOU ARE SMELLING LIKE DOVE ANYWAY, THAT IS A BRAND NAME." ----- It is a lot cheaper than Vera Wang or David Beckham, for sure.
God, this post is too long.
everyone has different priorities on what they spend their money on, you can argue the same point about a guy dumping his money into something else like a hobby and lookn like a bum... different strokes for different folks not really fair to say one way is better then another...
I have learned that you should insist on paying 100% of the bill even if the girl offer to pay for her half. The thing is that it may impress her on the short term, but it will spoil her in the long term and hurt you financally.
So, ladies, what are your view on this.
I think it depends on the person. For the first few dates if I'm with somebody, I don't offer...if he asks me out, I believe he should pay the bill. Once the 3rd-4th date hits, then I start to go Dutch. With the person I'm with now, I pay for little things like movies, plays, etc. but we go out for dinner once a week, which he pays for most of the time. I do feel spoiled, but with his financial situation I don't think it's hurting him.
@student: personally.. i don't like guys paying the bill for the same reasons as lixie mentioned.. i like paying my share because i can.. but sometimes.. guys are insistent.. =.=" so i offer to pay for the next meal.. there have been occasions where i had to sneak to the counter and intercede the bill before it got to my table.. just so i could pay.. so yeah.. it's a gentlemanly gesture.. just don't overdo it.. =\
@danoobie: ouch!! that's mean... can i call you RACIST?
Nicole, while myself I usually offer to pay on the first date, expecting the guy to is a different story and will just piss him off.
I hate girls who always expect you to pay, even after you have been dating for a while. One girl I was dating, we went into a restaurant for 5 minutes so I could say hi to my friend. I turn around and she had already ordered. I was pissed because I knew she didn't have money and she was expecting me to pay. I was about to slap that bitch, metaphorically.
While we're on this topic of paying for dinners, slight hijack here: I have a female friend who I go to dinners with sometimes to catch a Canucks game and what not. We normally pay for our own food. She has a boyfriend. Would it be out of line if I offered to pay since she cant afford to go this time with Christmas and all? She has no idea what my financial situation is and I dont intend on letting her know how I'm doing financially. I just want to catch the game without having to go to like, Burnaby, to watch it with someone at BP or what not
I rarely go to expensive restaurants, so I pay for my partner when it feels right. It seems so natural and all waiters/waitresses pass the bill to the male anyways. But of course if the girl insists on paying half, then I won't argue about it.
While we're on this topic of paying for dinners, slight hijack here: I have a female friend who I go to dinners with sometimes to catch a Canucks game and what not. We normally pay for our own food. She has a boyfriend. Would it be out of line if I offered to pay since she cant afford to go this time with Christmas and all? She has no idea what my financial situation is and I dont intend on letting her know how I'm doing financially. I just want to catch the game without having to go to like, Burnaby, to watch it with someone at BP or what not
i don't see why it would be out of line... i do this with some of my good girl friends whom have bf's i think their bf's hate me cuz i flirt too much and sometimes take their girls out too much but u know what fuck em.
on the other hand one of my ex's got a new bf and apparently he dosnt care that we chill but i think thats bs i love how guys will say their cool with any thing to get into someones pants lol so i told her for her new bf's sake we shouldn't hang out anymore lol how considerate of me
its all within context dude so if u are friends then ya u can pay and take whomever out but if you've dated @ some point in ur past and the person is with someone else, then if you pay ur sending the wrong message to the significant other thats my 2cents
everyone has different priorities on what they spend their money on, you can argue the same point about a guy dumping his money into something else like a hobby and lookn like a bum... different strokes for different folks not really fair to say one way is better then another...
I agree. I was just PO'ed when he presumed that guys who don't wear cologne are automatically slobs.
wait I thought Dutch people are cheap, or do I have my stereotypes messed up?
It means paying for your own meal.
At JayDub, I didn't say I always expect the guy to pay. My point was that if I'm being asked out, I do expect the guy to pay for the meal. Similarly, if I ever asked a guy out (unlikely) I would offer to pay. It makes sense to me.
It also depends on the situation, so I don't see where the 'learning your manners' comes into play. If my boyfriend is making 150k+, and I'm a student, does it really make sense for me to pay? In the summer when I'm working, I usually try pay for at least half, and when I'm in co-op I imagine I'll do the same, but there's not too much you can do to sway a stubborn man.
I think everyone looks at the onus of responsibility differently. The important thing is that if you like someone enough to date them, then understand their differences and try to work with them.
The cat-and-dog fights can come much later, once you've moved in together, or married.
cuz some of the shit is dope as a side note i've never had a girl tell me they don't like the smell of cologne i occasionally wear and yet i've had many say they friken love it lol
[off topic] but, ahah remember POLO sport??? back in the day... now i wear something like CK Summer...
Comments
IMO, you should only start footing the bill when you get to know a person better. And it shouldn't always be one person footing the bill. When you start a relationship with someone, little things like, "who pays the majority of the bills" matter, because it reflects upon who is pulling the bigger weight... and might become an issue later in the relationship at a more serious stage. So sharing the responsibility earlier on is best. It's establishing yourself as an equal as well as acknowledging the other person as your equal (this is important... some people are actually self-conscious about being seen as the lesser tax bracket than their date).
In that case, if you think you are being a nice person by paying the bill, don't always be so sure. Get to know a person first and find out where they might stand on the issue or else you might be stepping on their toes and hurting their pride. You don't always have to ask them directly, but just determine for yourself. Example. Independent people usually want to pay for themselves, or people who are proud.
I think I've already said something along the lines of, "why pay tons of money just for clothes with some famous person's name on it..." in the fashion section, a long time ago.
And make-up is a lot cheaper than perfume, thanks.
I don't mean to say a guy shouldn't "care" about his appearance, but there's a difference between showering everyday and taking about two hours to get ready everyday.
It was stupid of you to assume that I date "dirty" guys just because they don't use cologne. Unless that is your ONLY method of smelling nice?!? (OMG YOU DON'T SHOWER?????) MMMHMMM?
It's useless to "beautify" yourself when there are a lot more important things you should be doing. As long as you're staying clean and taking care of your every day hygiene, you should already SMELL NICE, anyway.
Natural beauty is a lot more attractive than brand name beauty, any day.
And before you say something like, "OMG EVEN IF YOU JUST SHOWER YOU ARE SMELLING LIKE DOVE ANYWAY, THAT IS A BRAND NAME." ----- It is a lot cheaper than Vera Wang or David Beckham, for sure.
God, this post is too long.
fucker charged me 5 grand for a BJ
and quite often i dont pursue further outings with those kinda girls
i think guys obv want a chicks whos independent and dosnt need his ass so her offering to pay the bill or at least her share shows shes not some lg no more lol
as for feeling you owe them something, i think that kinda fucked up u shouldnt feel you owe anyone nothing its just a meal, u repay them with conversation :P
everyone has different priorities on what they spend their money on, you can argue the same point about a guy dumping his money into something else like a hobby and lookn like a bum... different strokes for different folks
not really fair to say one way is better then another...
@danoobie: ouch!! that's mean... can i call you RACIST?
I hate girls who always expect you to pay, even after you have been dating for a while. One girl I was dating, we went into a restaurant for 5 minutes so I could say hi to my friend. I turn around and she had already ordered. I was pissed because I knew she didn't have money and she was expecting me to pay. I was about to slap that bitch, metaphorically.
While we're on this topic of paying for dinners, slight hijack here:
I have a female friend who I go to dinners with sometimes to catch a Canucks game and what not. We normally pay for our own food. She has a boyfriend. Would it be out of line if I offered to pay since she cant afford to go this time with Christmas and all?
She has no idea what my financial situation is and I dont intend on letting her know how I'm doing financially. I just want to catch the game without having to go to like, Burnaby, to watch it with someone at BP or what not
i do this with some of my good girl friends whom have bf's
i think their bf's hate me cuz i flirt too much and sometimes take their girls out too much but u know what fuck em.
on the other hand one of my ex's got a new bf and apparently he dosnt care that we chill but i think thats bs i love how guys will say their cool with any thing to get into someones pants lol so i told her for her new bf's sake we shouldn't hang out anymore lol how considerate of me
its all within context dude so if u are friends then ya u can pay and take whomever out
but if you've dated @ some point in ur past and the person is with someone else, then if you pay ur sending the wrong message to the significant other
thats my 2cents
im a slob
have a shower maybe once a month
luckily girls love my odor
smells like peaches
At JayDub, I didn't say I always expect the guy to pay. My point was that if I'm being asked out, I do expect the guy to pay for the meal. Similarly, if I ever asked a guy out (unlikely) I would offer to pay. It makes sense to me.
It also depends on the situation, so I don't see where the 'learning your manners' comes into play. If my boyfriend is making 150k+, and I'm a student, does it really make sense for me to pay? In the summer when I'm working, I usually try pay for at least half, and when I'm in co-op I imagine I'll do the same, but there's not too much you can do to sway a stubborn man.
To each his/her own!
I think everyone looks at the onus of responsibility differently. The important thing is that if you like someone enough to date them, then understand their differences and try to work with them.
The cat-and-dog fights can come much later, once you've moved in together, or married.
Fights are the best parts, though, I think.
now i wear something like CK Summer...