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when your gf asks you to put her ahead of your studies
Wise decision or no?
I mean, your gf is a human being right, that ought to be cherished ahead of inanimate hw? And a loyal lifelong companion may be worth more than that 0.1-0.2 worth of GPA?
At the same time, what sort of investment is it? If you doubt its security, what does that say about a relationship anyway?
I mean, your gf is a human being right, that ought to be cherished ahead of inanimate hw? And a loyal lifelong companion may be worth more than that 0.1-0.2 worth of GPA?
At the same time, what sort of investment is it? If you doubt its security, what does that say about a relationship anyway?
Comments
When you're cuddling, it seems really wise.
When she's upset and asks you to go to class late (and miss the professors comments) to comfort her, then sometimes you wonder.
It'd be easy for me since I honest dont care about my studies. If you're in the same situation, I guess you could use that as leverage for something down the road. "I gave up grad school for you!" yada yada
then again.. my guy friend used that on his gf and yeah.. she totally bought into it..=S
i've always put my gfs ahead of my agenda
i recall 2times that i took one of my exs out to cheer her up cuz she was sad over something rather then study for my midterm, afterwards i just stayed up all night to study and still got a good grade.
so long as it dosnt happen all the time i think its more then legitimate to put ur girl first
Say she chipped a nail and asked you to stay and comfort her instead of going to class--unwise decision. The problem here lies with her inability to deal with her own pettiness.
BUT, if her grandfather died, or a treasured pet died, and she asked you to stay with her and miss out on part of the lecture, that is more than reasonable.
It really all depends on the circumstances of the situation. You can't pose such a general question without going into the details.
You still want my courseware?
If she was a grown up she would be able to enjoy interests of her own while you were busy studying. You should be able to put time aside for each other, try setting up a static date night even two depending on your course load and then make sure you concentrate on only her during that time.
good luck!
For example, my cousin was a straight A+ student back in high school and the envy of the family. However, once he is in UBC First Year, he found a girlfriend, his CGPA declined, and he got his rear end RTWed out of UBC after his second year. He did one year or so in Langara before transferring to BCIT.
The worst part is that my cousin VOLUNTEERLY put his girlfriend ahead of his study because he thinks he is such a hot shot and he can still roll with a girlfriend in toll.
when i didnt have a gf i didnt care about school i was just doing below bare minimum, i didnt really care if i made it into university or not(though i was getting massive pressure from my family...having some phd family members down ur back aint fun)
then once i got a gf my grades significantly picked up, i went from a B to B+ to and A mind u i wasn't trying much harder i just felt i needed to pick up my game, im willing to bet if i wouldn't have hooked up with that girl back then i wouldn't have made it into university
ill admit around 2nd year uni when we started having issues and was pissed off 80% of the times my grades did drop, heck i literally stoped doing any work for classes like stat270, math152 +2more my grades went to shit i broke up with her and then i had a point to prove, that i wasnt gonna let another person piss me off to the point of failing, so i crammed my ass off for all those classes and passed them all since then my grades been on an uphill again..
so ya, i can only see grades dropping if the relationship has issues, in which case u need to do whats best for both people and end it
But I don't think it's all really black and white--whether you would always put your studies ahead of your relationship or the other way around.
As I mentioned earlier, there are always different circumstances when a relationship is involved.
If your girlfriend was asking you to spare her some time as she needed support for a serious issue (her family went into bankruptcy)--but you had an assignment which cost you about 10% of your course due the day after, would you still take the time to be with her and worry about your assignment later?
On the other end of the spectrum, your girlfriend asked you to spare some time for her for basically a non-issue, as some co-worker at worker of hers said something fleetingly insulting to her. You have your term paper, worth 30% of your grade, due the very next day. What would you do then?
Basically, different circumstances should call for different approaches. As we are all human. When you're in a relationship with another person, it's absolutely unforgivable to ask your partner to put his/her feelings on hold when it involves something life-changing.
Life happens, whether you are in school or not. This is the main reason most serious students opt out of a relationship while obtaining their degree--so they can concentrate on their studies without worrying about another person's feelings on the matter.
I'd probably go with the support, because seriously, who the fuck care about 10%. Plus theres one more day.
But on the flip side, if my girlfriend flips me off because she has a 10% assignment due in a few days and simply does not want to talk about whatever I want to talk about, I probably wouldn't care too much either.
Hell come to the think of it, I'd probably be a pretty bad boyfriend for the most part since I hate the phone with a passion. I avoid calling people pretty much as much as I possibly can...
Sounds like me.
:|
she'd know that i'd value her & the relationship + everything about it, but she has to respect my priorities (career, family, etc) in life as well (as i do hers)
there is always compromise, but i will say no when the situation calls for it
On the main topic, I've really had to deal with my girlfriend complaining that I put school before her. Although that's probably because I usually put her before school, but never to the point where my performance is significantly affected. Right now, I'm in a long distance relationship, so I don't have much choice but to focus on school.
Personally, I think that the issue of gf asking you to put her ahead of your study can be avoided if you find a girlfriend who too is school right now and has the same academic goal and aspiration as you. That way, she wouldn't get in my way because she probably wouldn't want me to get in her way.
In short, if you are a university student, don't date high school drop-outs because they are just going drag you down. To me, dropping out of high school just shows how little respect you have for learning and education. Since you don't respect your learning and education, why should I expect you to respect mine. This is not the US and you should be able to graduate from even in the worst high schools out there. Also, if she is from a good neighborhood and she too dropped out, screw that.
Also, another cool thing about dating a girl who too is going to school is that she can be your academic sparring partner as well as your girlfriend. I think this sort of relationship will definitely bring out the best in both of us because we will be trying to best one another and to impress one another. To add a sick twist, we should also agree that if either one of us got on AP, our relationship will be on hiatus, and if one of us got RTWed, our relationship is over. That is odd... :confused: Thanks, and that's my biggest shortcoming. The thing is that what can I possibly do for her right now? The best I can do is to say, "I am sorry to hear this. Hopes everything will work out." Why waste time trying to deal with something that is beyond my ability when I can put the time to good use by finishing that 10% assignment. Ok, I am just going to be frank with her and tell her that I got a 30% paper due tomorrow. Hopefully, she too is going to school and know what's more important.
a girl whos into her books will pick her studies over u, just like u said, wouldnt want u to get between her and her A+.
this is fine and all until u get horny, then ull b like wtf bitch? and shes gonna be like "what want me to fail?!!!" (shes gonna guilt trip ur ass)
sad thing is, its not a 2way road, cuz the same type of girl when she gets horny she expects ur ass to deliver, regardless of your studies
Look, I am a virgin, so I don't know how hard is it to keep my pants up. Also, I think I am well disciplined enough to supress what Sigmund Freud called my id. Even if it is not sex and I really miss her and I want to hang out with her, I must respect her need to study and I will wait until the exam or paper period is over. I am not big on instant gratification and I would much rather wait for a better time instead of forcing her to be with me.
Besides, even though I understand little about sex, I don't think it is worth having sex if one of the partner is not interested. If the girl is not in the mood and you still have sex with her, you may as well masturbate. Also, it is sex we are talking about, if she said no and you still continue, that's rape. I don't think I, or any guy for that matter, will do a good job if I am not in the mood. But then again, you are talking to a virgin.
You've made it more than obvious that a relationship should take backseat to your studies. I would suggest holding off on finding a girlfriend until you've actually graduated then--unless you can find someone who is willing to be ditched in her time of need for something else that is invariably more important. I don't know many people out there who will share the same view as yours; that school ABSOLUTELY comes first.
its all about balancing
whats he gonna do next? say hes gonna focus 100% on his career and put off the gf till he retires? time management is something we all need to learn early on and that involves balancing things like personal life with professional life.
fully agree there