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...when you start falling for a friend

Kevin M.Kevin M.
edited January 2009 in General
anyone care to take a stab at this? i have a friend whom i've known for almost a year. we're both our "go-to" people when the times get rough. she was there for me when i struggled through my break-up last year. and i was there for her with her break-up. however, she's since rekindled her relationship and with the same guy again. but i've developed feelings for her now. and it's a tough situation.

Comments

  • Student0667
    edited January 2009
    Let her know your true feeling for her. Don't make the same mistake that I made back in high school and continue to make as we speak.
  • JayDub
    edited January 2009
    Fuck her.
  • randomuser
    edited January 2009
    It's not really a tough situation because now she has feelings for him, girls usually don't have feelings for more than one person at a time so this would be a bad time to say anything.

    You're going to have to wait until its over.
  • JayDub
    edited January 2009
    Oh by the way, now you are in the friend zone and girls don't want to lose a friend so you have no chance with her for more than anything that a platonic friendship.
  • buflibufli
    edited January 2009
    Kevin M.;44937 said:
    anyone care to take a stab at this? i have a friend whom i've known for almost a year. we're both our "go-to" people when the times get rough. she was there for me when i struggled through my break-up last year. and i was there for her with her break-up. however, she's since rekindled her relationship and with the same guy again. but i've developed feelings for her now. and it's a tough situation.
    too bad so sad son. ur friend might "love" you but shes def not "in love" with you either way its prob as a friend
    my advice is to find someone else, dont waste ur time chasing or wanting a specific person cuz ur just wasting ur time, energy, nerves, stress, feelings etc. esp when shes with some other guy
    the last thing u wanna be is a home wrecker
    http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=fuUhwFXM6Gg
    Student0667;44941 said:
    Let her know your true feeling for her. Don't make the same mistake that I made back in high school and continue to make as we speak.
    BS advice.... if u do this ull most likely dig ur own grave...
  • NukeChem
    edited January 2009
    JayDub;44960 said:
    Oh by the way, now you are in the friend zone and girls don't want to lose a friend so you have no chance with her for more than anything that a platonic friendship.
    *points*

    Very much word.

    The downside of telling a friend-who-is-a-girl that you're attracted to her is that it can ruin the friendship, because then she might be wondering all the time if she's doing or saying something that would encourage your interest when she doesn't feel the same way.
  • buflibufli
    edited January 2009
    NukeChem;44969 said:
    *points*

    Very much word.

    The downside of telling a friend-who-is-a-girl that you're attracted to her is that it can ruin the friendship, because then she might be wondering all the time if she's doing or saying something that would encourage your interest when she doesn't feel the same way.
    + she will think everything u do, or just being nice with her in general is cuz u wanna get with her and not just cuz ur nice
  • JayDub
    edited January 2009
    Basically... you aren't going to get her and trying to do anything will only make things worse.
  • Student0667
    edited January 2009
    Kevin M, is that "rekindling" very abrupt or something? Or in another word, are their relationship like they have not broken up before? When I first read your post, I envision their "rekindling" to be MSNing and Facebooking with each other at best. Right now, I have a cousin who too is rekindling his relationship with his ex. They are Facebooking and MSNing with one another, but nothing significant like dates and meeting the family.
    randomuser;44958 said:
    You're going to have to wait until its over.
    If so, best to take randomuser's advice and wait it out. Then, let her know your true feeling for her. CLEARLY, if she manages to break up with the guy TWICE, then CLEARLY he is not the guy she is looking for. You too may not be the guy she is looking for, but it is worth a shot.
  • buflibufli
    edited January 2009
    Student0667;44979 said:

    CLEARLY, if she manages to break up with the guy TWICE, then CLEARLY he is not the guy she is looking for. You too may not be the guy she is looking for, but it is worth a shot.
    wow slow down son, ur thinking like a man ... aka using logic... this kinda thought process is not the same thought process women use when making decisions of this nature :angel:
  • randomuser
    edited January 2009
    I don't know what you guys are talking about with this you can't get with your friends rule.

    When girls say they just want to be friends its generally because they aren't attracted to you. Friends are a great way to develop relationships from, not everyone only dates people that are strangers to them.

    However, maybe theres times when youre friends and a girl hasnt made a move that maybe she just isnt interested in you like that, so maybe a long period of friendship is "just friends", but if there have been discussions of mutual attraction or interest there may be hope.
  • DaNoobie
    edited January 2009
    I think the better question is, how do I break up my friend's relationship so I can get with her!
  • siuying
    edited January 2009
    bufli;44983 said:
    wow slow down son, ur thinking like a man ... aka using logic... this kinda thought process is not the same thought process women use when making decisions of this nature :angel:
    i resent that on behalf of the female species..=P
  • xxk1nky
    edited January 2009
    To be honest, I don't think you have a chance. And it's not even really about having an opportunity; girls, if they're like me, won't date their go-to best guy friend. A best guy friend is someone you just don't date. It's almost like a sibling relationship. Yeah, don't waste your time if I were you. Unless you want to get hurt in the end.
  • PhilBPhilB
    edited January 2009
    xxk1nky;45043 said:
    A best guy friend is someone you just don't date. It's almost like a sibling relationship. Yeah, don't waste your time if I were you. Unless you want to get hurt in the end.
    Sounds like he is getting hurt right now anyway. Why not just lay it on the line and see if there's a shot?

    That whole "honesty" thing is really underrated.

    Phil
  • xxk1nky
    edited January 2009
    PhilB;45057 said:
    Sounds like he is getting hurt right now anyway. Why not just lay it on the line and see if there's a shot?

    That whole "honesty" thing is really underrated.

    Phil
    Yeah, but by doing that you risk putting your friendship on the line. Couple friends of mine started dating last summer and they broke up and now they don't even talk anymore.
  • randomuser
    edited January 2009
    You don't tell someone you like them when theyre seeing someone else, unless you know they like you in that way and are willing to cheat or break up (this will be very obvious).

    Even if they like you a bit, theyll like the other person more, so your chances are significantly decreased while they are coupled. She might think you are selfish too for saying it when shes seeing someone else.
  • Hope_2016Hope_2016
    edited January 2009
    The same thing happened to me. It was this girl that came to my room (when I was in ReZ) and started rubbing herself on my mattress and I was like, what the hell is going on? I remember, those days, she was a friend and loved me as well. But I was in no where to understand and navigate with her.

    It seems now, when she already got a boyfriend, I am falling for her. I know it may sound absurd to testify this but it is a reality that I am going through right now.

    However, the good news is that, she still keeps in touch, pays short visits sometimes, gives me some 'unintended kisses' and so forth.

    So, don't worry man. Just go for her and ask her out. I hope that will work out because you can understand and know each other than any other else.
  • buflibufli
    edited January 2009
    siuying;45029 said:
    i resent that on behalf of the female species..=P

    i kid, i kid ... :angel:
  • little_asian_angel
    edited January 2009
    I had that happen 2 years ago... it's something that you don't want to try because your friendship might not be as strong anymore or awkward to the point there can be no friendship.

    Basically we hooked up 2 years ago after and because of that I was falling for him. A few months later he ended up finding someone else and pushed me aside and we hadn't talked for a year... but during then I found someone... now that he's single again we kind of talked but it's so awkward because of what had happened in the past (we have mutual friends and only a few of them know about it). Our friendship wasn't like how it was before now and I regret it a lot.
  • Student0667
    edited January 2009
    ^So, from what I reading, starting a relationship with a friend is an enormous gamble because, if you broke up, you will not get the same sort of friendship again. But I just want to pose of question, does a breakup have to be that catastrophic? Not everyone's breakup is like Charlie Sheen and Denise Richard's, right? Can't we just laugh it off as a sort of noble but silly experiment and demote the relationship back to friendship?
  • JayDub
    edited January 2009
    No.
  • siuying
    edited January 2009
    Student0667;45791 said:
    ^So, from what I reading, starting a relationship with a friend is an enormous gamble because, if you broke up, you will not get the same sort of friendship again. But I just want to pose of question, does a breakup have to be that catastrophic? Not everyone's breakup is like Charlie Sheen and Denise Richard's, right? Can't we just laugh it off as a sort of noble but silly experiment and demote the relationship back to friendship?
    it is somewhat of an enormous gamble if the possibility of losing a friend through a relationship crosses your mind.. how i see it is if getting into a relationship with a friend or best friend can jeopardize your bonding.. then

    a) your so called friendship isn't as strong as it seems or that it isn't reciprocated with the same intensity as you though

    and

    b) if you value this person as a friend (and truly just as a friend), the idea of having this friend become your lover won't be problematic or even cross your mind at all

    but having said that, i do acknowledge that we have feelings/emotions and these feelings/emotions can really screw us over in ways we least expect them to.. personally i've stuck to the rule of not dating people i see as friends just to save myself from the complications.. it's unnecessary and sometimes not worthy/practical to take the risk
  • buflibufli
    edited January 2009
    being friends with ex's is the biggest mistake one could make (if u care about the person)

    Edit: babahhaha http://www.crunchgear.com/2009/01/21/smittens-worlds-dumbest-mittens/

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