It varies from person to person. I'm really generalizing when I say "love lives are for needy people."
If you are already deeply committed to someone who you know you can't live without, that's a different story. My beef is with people who can't seem to define themselves without a significant other. I've known girls who've had a boyfriend since they were 14 and hasn't had a break since. They grow up not knowing who they are exactly and they break down mentally when there is a lack of boyfriends.
I just don't see what all the hype is about having a love life, especially when I'm still so young--there's so much I want to do on my own before I decide to share my life with another person. In a way, I envy those who CAN put time and effort into a relationship without the fear of commitment. KUDOS!
But I will say this: Desperation will not attract girls, or long term relationships.
When you're desperate for a girlfriend, girls sense that. It makes a girl feel like you're not chasing her for HER, but rather for the idea of a girlfriend. Girls like to feel special. So in being desperate, you're basically telling her that she is not special.
If you really want a girlfriend badly, sit back and work on yourself first. Show others that you're confident in who you are and what you do, and that you ARE NOT DESPERATE FOR A GIRLFRIEND.
Some girls are attracted to guy who are aloof (guys who don't pay attention to girls) when it comes to girls. So try that tactic instead. I find that aloofness works best as a combination with nerdiness. If you're an intellectual as well as aloof--chances are you will attract more girls than just being an awkward intellectual.
My beef is with people who can't seem to define themselves without a significant other. I've known girls who've had a boyfriend since they were 14 and hasn't had a break since. They grow up not knowing who they are exactly and they break down mentally when there is a lack of boyfriends.
i agree with u on some of that i know a few girls who have no purpose in life if they don’t have a BF and its fukin sad. i cant seem to understand that mentality of someone as young as them but to each their own
Lixie;29783 said:
I just don't see what all the hype is about having a love life, especially when I'm still so young--there's so much I want to do on my own before I decide to share my life with another person. In a way, I envy those who CAN put time and effort into a relationship without the fear of commitment. KUDOS
u can be committed to someone and still do all the things u want... i really don’t see how it would be a problem if anything this is more an issue for us guys when we end up with some crazy gf thats so insecure were supposed to lock ourselves up in a room and pray to god no other girls come within 5m of us hahaha but again if people are in those kind relationships they usually don’t last (nor should they)
u can be committed to someone and still do all the things u want... i really don’t see how it would be a problem
I disagree. I don't like to screw around or date casually. I've done that and I've found I've disliked it. I got out of a four year relationship about few months ago, and I can tell you with certainty that there is no way a person can remain ENTIRELY themselves in a relationship. When you commit, you give a big part of yourself away, there's no way you can do EVERYTHING that you want to do on your own after that. Sure, your partner may be understanding and try to not get in your way, but there are certain things that you will not let yourself do, because you have a significant other.
Before I was in a relationship, I wanted to be a cop, but about two years into my relationship, I started taking into consideration his feelings (would I want him to worry about my safety all the time?). If I hadn't been in a relationship for the past few years, I would've have joined the army, most likely. But I had to decide against that, too, because I didn't want do do anything that could possibly fuck up what we had.
I also wanted to move to Ottawa and attend Carleton before this most recent relationship... and you can guess how that went.
It's after all this time that I really understand what my mom used to tell me, "don't rush with love, do what you really want to do FIRST." Because once you are in love, you'll want to give your all for the person you're in love with. No matter how understanding the person is, you still won't be as free to do what you want as you would be if you were single because there are your own feelings of commitment.
But I guess that's something people have to learn for themselves instead of me shoving it down people's throats, plus, everyone has different life experiences.
The reason I focus on relationships rather than friends is friends come and go.
Friends move to other cities for jobs, schools, or even their significant other once they meet them.
I'd rather invest my time in people who are at least semi obligated to stay in my life for a longer period than most.
I don't entirely write off friends, but friends come and go, quite often more than boyfriends and girlfriends.
I dont know many people who have friends who stick with them their entire lives, that said relationships end all the time, but its more common for someone to have a long term marriage or coupling than one between friends.
The reason I focus on relationships rather than friends is friends come and go.
Friends move to other cities for jobs, schools, or even their significant other once they meet them.
I'd rather invest my time in people who are at least semi obligated to stay in my life for a longer period than most.
I don't entirely write off friends, but friends come and go, quite often more than boyfriends and girlfriends.
I dont know many people who have friends who stick with them their entire lives, that said relationships end all the time, but its more common for someone to have a long term marriage or coupling than one between friends.
It's funny because most people say that about boyfriends/girlfriends.
Like I said before, it depends on each person. Personally I have friends who I know I will have until the end of my life... and I feel sorry for people who don't have that type of support system. BUT, to each his own.
It's after all this time that I really understand what my mom used to tell me, "don't rush with love, do what you really want to do FIRST." Because once you are in love, you'll want to give your all for the person you're in love with. No matter how understanding the person is, you still won't be as free to do what you want as you would be if you were single because there are your own feelings of commitment.
But I guess that's something people have to learn for themselves instead of me shoving it down people's throats, plus, everyone has different life experiences.
i agree with your mom.. that's why i was never concerned abt my love life... but what i don't agree is what comes after that... i understand how some might want to give everything to the person they love.. that's totally their call.. i disagree with the idea that you won't be as free to do what you want.. i'm big on that.. i like to be free and have my own personal space and time to do things that doesn't involve my man.. big decisions that revolve around me are made by me and me alone cause who can say for certain that he (or anyone for the matter) is going to stick around?
perhaps that's why i've never committed myself to any real relationship.. i'm human and i know i'll most likely be caught up with these mixed feelings like everyone else does if i'm committed.. but then again if i have to commit myself to a relationship and lose my freedom of choice in the process.. then i rather not commit at all.. but that's just my take on the situation..
It's funny because most people say that about boyfriends/girlfriends.
Like I said before, it depends on each person. Personally I have friends who I know I will have until the end of my life... and I feel sorry for people who don't have that type of support system. BUT, to each his own.
Randomuser is actually a girl, lol.
Anyway, it's not always one or the other. I have a boyfriend who I'm very committed to, but I also have a lot of friends that I'm sure will last a lifetime. It's not like once you get into a relationship you cut off your friends; relationships aren't for needy people either. I wasn't even looking for one when I met my bf. I consider myself quite independent too, and in no way "needy".
^ that sux but like u said at least u learned something about urself from it
i was in a 3year relationship b4 i called it quits kinda funny tho since everyone including my ex always asked me why im still with her given how shes treating me and to this day i have no reason to why lol but at the end of the day id do it all again if i could even knowing how miserable i was haha
you know iran.. you just need to get your head out of the gutter.. life is what you make it.. go out.. meet people and have fun instead of getting all caught up with your depressing thoughts..
you know iran.. you just need to get your head out of the gutter.. life is what you make it.. go out.. meet people and have fun instead of getting all caught up with your depressing thoughts..
what u talkn bout? the more depressing thoughts he has the better! think about it... if hes depressed then that means there is that much more love to go around for everyone else! keep it up buddy, and go feed the strippers someone needs to pay them through college too
Comments
Interesting!
All I know is that I could live (pretty well off, too) without a boyfriend, but my life would be pretty empty without my friends.
Different priorities, I suppose.
If you are already deeply committed to someone who you know you can't live without, that's a different story. My beef is with people who can't seem to define themselves without a significant other. I've known girls who've had a boyfriend since they were 14 and hasn't had a break since. They grow up not knowing who they are exactly and they break down mentally when there is a lack of boyfriends.
I just don't see what all the hype is about having a love life, especially when I'm still so young--there's so much I want to do on my own before I decide to share my life with another person. In a way, I envy those who CAN put time and effort into a relationship without the fear of commitment. KUDOS!
But I will say this: Desperation will not attract girls, or long term relationships.
When you're desperate for a girlfriend, girls sense that. It makes a girl feel like you're not chasing her for HER, but rather for the idea of a girlfriend. Girls like to feel special. So in being desperate, you're basically telling her that she is not special.
If you really want a girlfriend badly, sit back and work on yourself first. Show others that you're confident in who you are and what you do, and that you ARE NOT DESPERATE FOR A GIRLFRIEND.
Some girls are attracted to guy who are aloof (guys who don't pay attention to girls) when it comes to girls. So try that tactic instead. I find that aloofness works best as a combination with nerdiness. If you're an intellectual as well as aloof--chances are you will attract more girls than just being an awkward intellectual.
i know a few girls who have no purpose in life if they don’t have a BF and its fukin sad. i cant seem to understand that mentality of someone as young as them but to each their own u can be committed to someone and still do all the things u want... i really don’t see how it would be a problem
if anything this is more an issue for us guys when we end up with some crazy gf thats so insecure were supposed to lock ourselves up in a room and pray to god no other girls come within 5m of us hahaha but again if people are in those kind relationships they usually don’t last (nor should they)
Before I was in a relationship, I wanted to be a cop, but about two years into my relationship, I started taking into consideration his feelings (would I want him to worry about my safety all the time?). If I hadn't been in a relationship for the past few years, I would've have joined the army, most likely. But I had to decide against that, too, because I didn't want do do anything that could possibly fuck up what we had.
I also wanted to move to Ottawa and attend Carleton before this most recent relationship... and you can guess how that went.
It's after all this time that I really understand what my mom used to tell me, "don't rush with love, do what you really want to do FIRST." Because once you are in love, you'll want to give your all for the person you're in love with. No matter how understanding the person is, you still won't be as free to do what you want as you would be if you were single because there are your own feelings of commitment.
But I guess that's something people have to learn for themselves instead of me shoving it down people's throats, plus, everyone has different life experiences.
because I'm needy with no friends
you know
troll
Friends move to other cities for jobs, schools, or even their significant other once they meet them.
I'd rather invest my time in people who are at least semi obligated to stay in my life for a longer period than most.
I don't entirely write off friends, but friends come and go, quite often more than boyfriends and girlfriends.
I dont know many people who have friends who stick with them their entire lives, that said relationships end all the time, but its more common for someone to have a long term marriage or coupling than one between friends.
Like I said before, it depends on each person. Personally I have friends who I know I will have until the end of my life... and I feel sorry for people who don't have that type of support system. BUT, to each his own.
perhaps that's why i've never committed myself to any real relationship.. i'm human and i know i'll most likely be caught up with these mixed feelings like everyone else does if i'm committed.. but then again if i have to commit myself to a relationship and lose my freedom of choice in the process.. then i rather not commit at all.. but that's just my take on the situation..
Anyway, it's not always one or the other. I have a boyfriend who I'm very committed to, but I also have a lot of friends that I'm sure will last a lifetime. It's not like once you get into a relationship you cut off your friends; relationships aren't for needy people either. I wasn't even looking for one when I met my bf. I consider myself quite independent too, and in no way "needy".
i was in a 3year relationship b4 i called it quits
kinda funny tho since everyone including my ex always asked me why im still with her given how shes treating me and to this day i have no reason to why lol but at the end of the day id do it all again if i could even knowing how miserable i was haha
think about it... if hes depressed then that means there is that much more love to go around for everyone else!
keep it up buddy, and go feed the strippers someone needs to pay them through college too
haha