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Girls: How do you react to being asked out?
I was having this discussion the other day. I was asking a friend of mine, who is not bad looking but is perpetually single and luckless with girls, how come he never asks out any girls. I got a jumble of answers which eventually I was able to combine and translate into 2 basic concepts:
1) I'm afraid of rejection (understandable)
2) I want the girls to like me.
The first is totally normal, and is just something you gotta get over, as a guy. But the second I found very interesting, because underlying it is the very odd but common idea that if you ask a girl out and she turns you down (for whatever reason,) that she is forevermore somehow disgusted with you.
I don't get this. As a girl, you ought to be being asked out now and again, and as a girl you're going to have to turn guys down. In some guys, specifically the guys who never get any, there is an idea that if a girl turns you down she immediately thinks of you as pathetic, creepy, overly aggressive, or all of the above.
There is an interesting mindset I've noticed in which the guy will avoid asking out girls both because he's nervous, but also out of an odd sense of sympathy for the girl. My friend stated this as him not wanting to "put her in an unfair situation." These guys have somehow come under the impression that if you ask a girl out, you're making some sort of social misstep, and that the "accept or reject" decision is unfair to present to a girl. She will thus hate you if the advance in unwanted. In my own experience, girls are absolutely insatiable when it comes to flattery, and as long as you don't actively skeeze a girl out, she will be flattered by any advance that comes her way. Even if she has no interest, it will certainly not make her dislike the guy.
My question to the chick posters is this: If you get asked out by a guy in a normal way that doesn't creep you out or get offensive, and you turn him down, how do you feel about that guy at that point and going forward? I'm always interested in how the female mind works in these areas. It's like a window into the mind of an alien. O_o
1) I'm afraid of rejection (understandable)
2) I want the girls to like me.
The first is totally normal, and is just something you gotta get over, as a guy. But the second I found very interesting, because underlying it is the very odd but common idea that if you ask a girl out and she turns you down (for whatever reason,) that she is forevermore somehow disgusted with you.
I don't get this. As a girl, you ought to be being asked out now and again, and as a girl you're going to have to turn guys down. In some guys, specifically the guys who never get any, there is an idea that if a girl turns you down she immediately thinks of you as pathetic, creepy, overly aggressive, or all of the above.
There is an interesting mindset I've noticed in which the guy will avoid asking out girls both because he's nervous, but also out of an odd sense of sympathy for the girl. My friend stated this as him not wanting to "put her in an unfair situation." These guys have somehow come under the impression that if you ask a girl out, you're making some sort of social misstep, and that the "accept or reject" decision is unfair to present to a girl. She will thus hate you if the advance in unwanted. In my own experience, girls are absolutely insatiable when it comes to flattery, and as long as you don't actively skeeze a girl out, she will be flattered by any advance that comes her way. Even if she has no interest, it will certainly not make her dislike the guy.
My question to the chick posters is this: If you get asked out by a guy in a normal way that doesn't creep you out or get offensive, and you turn him down, how do you feel about that guy at that point and going forward? I'm always interested in how the female mind works in these areas. It's like a window into the mind of an alien. O_o
Comments
And here I thought this place was lame. /end sarcasm.
/close thread.
normally i try to be as friendly and diplomatic as possible because i know it takes courage to ask a girl out and that courage should be given the respect it deserves.. but it is only to those who don't understand or refuse to understand the meaning of "no" that i blow up on..
if anything i felt bad afterwards for having them wonder why i wasnt interested, however if some guy comes onto me with some sleezeball lines, then tries to ask me out i do think hes disgusting, and quite possibly dirty
i wouldnt have a problem going forward at that point but as siuying said most guys just disappear at that point
i guess it's the mindset that when you're friends with the significant other, it's harder for them to develop the relationship further.
the friend zone is the best zone to get close with a girl, i know people who ive gotten to know really well who id actually date if i were single who i wouldnt at first appearance,
if you base everything on first contact or earlier contacts itll be physical or surface, but once you know someone better stuff like that matters less, to me anyway
If a guy was to be in the "friend zone" with me, it would very hard to get out of it.
I have a two week rule, if we aren't getting it on within two weeks we aren't going to be "friends". If the girl has the hots for me she'll want me all the way, if not then I don't want her either. Call it "probation" or whatever.