so you're saying that it's idealistic for girls to dress sexy and not expect to get hit on? i'm sorry but i don't see the logic in that either.. =\ i guess i can't figure out how guys think.. :confused:
bottom line is.. there are reason other than wanting to get hit on that make girls wear the clothes they do in a club setting.. sure showing off assets can be one since when is it abnormal for someone showing off something they're proud of? (cars, trophies, clothes, gfs?) so how is physical assets any different than that? but really.. like imelting said about social settings.. it gets hot a in a club and hence you wear fewer clothing.. that shouldn't been seen as a direct cue to go and hit on a girl..
I think the main point of the men in here (not that I speak for everybody), is that yes, we know not all women want to be hit on, but just don't get all angry or mad when a guy sees a girl showing off her cleavage and generally dressed skimpily (is that a word? I turned "skimpy" into an adverb, anyhow...). Because many girls probably do dress skimpy (or like a whore, for the lack of a better term) because they want guys to approach them. Sometimes it's just a misunderstanding, we don't blame you, and you shouldn't blame guys for trying.
Reminds me of a segment of Dave Chappelle's stand up special "Killing them Softly" The following is a little bit of wisdom from Dave Chappelle:
"You know sometimes you are out at the club with your boys and you see a woman and she looks good. She looks good but not in the classical sense. She's got half her ass hanging out skirt, titties all mashed together, popping out the top of her turtleneck and shit. So you go to talk to her but you've been hanging with your buddies and have got a couple drinks in you so it doesn't come out right. You're like "DAMN!!! Look at them titties". She interupts you and says, "Just because I am dressed this way does not make me a whore.". That's true fellas. Just because she is dressed that way doesn't make her a whore. But you must understand ladies, that is fucking confusing. That would be like me, Dave Chappelle the comedian, going out in public in a cop uniform. People come up to him and they're like "Help me officer, we need you over here". Then I go "Wait a minute buddy, just because I am dressed this way does not make me a police officer". You see ladies, you may not be a whore, but you sure are wearing a whore's uniform."
I concur with you whole-heartedly on this statement. In addition, I would like to subscribe to any newsletters you may be the author of, as your ideas intrigue me.
Well, i guess i should just cover up everything on my body like they do in those countries where women arent allowed to show any part of their skin :/
Bottom line: I like my breasts....guys may like my breasts too, good for them. Just because i am wearing a low-cut shirt, they should not assume that i am a "whore" (as someone mentioned) and that i want to be hit on. I am wearing a low-cut shirt because i want to and it makes ME feel good.
I could care less if guys look at my breasts. The only guy that i even want to look at them and comment on them is my bf :)
I dont know why you guys just dont seem to understand this....its fairly easy to understand.
oh, and ps a whore is someone who gets paid to have sex with people fyi, so by you saying that girls who wear low-cut shirts are all whores, that is incorrect.
Just because i am wearing a low-cut shirt, they should not assume that i am a "whore" (as someone mentioned) and that i want to be hit on.
You have to be a whore to want to be hit on? You read way too much into a guy making a pass at you.
Look, if no guys ever looked at you, that would upset you. You want guys to look, but do nothing more than look. And that's fine, you're allowed to make that distinction. But it's not the guys' fault for hitting on you. What are they supposed to assume? They see a girl who is trying to look attractive.
You really think it's unreasonably to assume that she wants to attract guys? Come on.
oh, and ps a whore is someone who gets paid to have sex with people fyi, so by you saying that girls who wear low-cut shirts are all whores, that is incorrect.
Well, the word "whore" is a term used loosely. Typically when you call somebody that, you assume that they'd understand you don't mean it as in "prostitute", but instead you mean somebody who is sexually promiscuous. I guess "slut" would be more appropriate, but the point remains the same.
If you dress in a way that is revealing, 1.) Don't expect guys to think of you any more than a "sexually promiscuous girl", and 2.) don't expect guys to treat you like a slut and approach you because they think you're a slut.
Either way, the quote still stands....yes, you may not be a slut, but you certainly are wearing a slut's uniform. How can a guy not assume you're slutty, when you're dressed that way? Similarly, I could walk into a Wal-Mart, see some dude in a blue vest, and automatically assume he works there.
so in general.. you should never assume to avoid misconceptions.. so a girl might be dressed in a "slut uniform".. but that doesn't mean she is indeed one.. how she dresses only represents a small part of her.. like a tip of an iceberg.. so to call a girl a slut/whore or assume she's sexually promiscuous you'll have to 1) see her in action or 2) had first hand experience.. if you think clothing is a efficient way to judge a person or anyone for that matter.. then you don't know how much that's going to cost you in the future..
i understand the concept that you're going to be treated by the way you dress but think about the social situation in a club for instance, or any other occasions where a dress code is enforced.. see how that influences what a person wears? and just because a girl is dressed in a more revealing outfit.. is it fair for her to expect to be hit on? i don't think any girl should feel the need to expect that in any social situation to which she dresses the way she wants.. referring back to MB's example.. yes you can automatically assume he works there.. but keep in mind that a blue vest is a very common piece of clothing where everyone has access to.. so going back to my initial point.. don't assume.. =)
But let me ask this then to those who think that if a girl dresses 'slutty' that a guy assumes that she is a slut....
Just because she is dressed in a 'slutty' way (which, according you some in this thread means having her cleavage exposed), does that mean that if she gets raped, the accused can just say: "Well, she was dressed in a low-cut shirt, aka 'slutty'....I took that as being that was a slut and wanted me to have sex with her."
I'm sorry guys, but I fail to see your sense of logic. And it just goes back to siuying's point of how you should not assume things. If a girl is wearing a low-cut shirt, dont assume that she is a slut because you have no idea if she is or not. You cannot assume that she is.
Just as when I see a guy in a tight-fitting shirt, i would not assume that he is promiscuous based on the type of shirt that he is wearing,
^ then you certainly should try broaden your views.. ignorance can only take you so far in life.. =)
@baby e: actually there are rapists/ people in general that think like that.. i rmb discussing this in a crim lecture that some people blame how a woman dresses which leads them to offend.. =\ sounds pretty outlandish huh? but.. there are still people who hold onto the view that girls who dress in revealing clothing is asking for it.. and if it just so happens that she does get raped.. it's partly her fault.. =(
lol.. i never came to why asians get perceived to be good in math.. but asian parents are known to get tutors for their children in every subject possible.. @_@ i'm just glad my parents didn't do that with me..
when i look at the time, i assume it's the correct time when i inhale, i assume theres oxygen when i eat, i assume my stomach will be full when i run, i assume i will be tired when i type in this box, i assume others will read it when i scratch my itch, i assume it won't irritate any more when my phone rings, i assume someones on the other end of the line when i flick the light switch, i assume the light will turn on when i take a step forward, i assume i'll move forward when i dress like a gothic punk, i assume i'll be treated like one
now in the last sentence , replace gothic punk with anything, eg. nerd, slut, skater, clubber,jock.
when i look at the time, i assume it's the correct time when i inhale, i assume theres oxygen when i eat, i assume my stomach will be full when i run, i assume i will be tired when i type in this box, i assume others will read it when i scratch my itch, i assume it won't irritate any more when my phone rings, i assume someones on the other end of the line when i flick the light switch, i assume the light will turn on when i take a step forward, i assume i'll move forward when i dress like a gothic punk, i assume i'll be treated like one
now in the last sentence , replace gothic punk with anything, eg. nerd, slut, skater, clubber,jock.
Exactly. We make assumptions, because more often than not, the assumption is true. If anybody is familiar with the concept of heuristics, they're basic "rules of thumb" that we use that aid in our efficiency of thinking. If we had to go over every single possibility of what something means, well, we wouldn't have much time to do anything else. Making assumptions is something that all humans do.
So a guy sees a girl in the club, she looks like a slut, and approaches her. Then, he either gets rejected, or she starts dancing with him, etc. If he's rejected, try the next girl. That's a much more efficient way of getting with some dirty skank than to sit in the corner, and analyze every single girl he sees. "Hmm....that one is dressed like a slut...but perhaps she's only dressed that way because she us comfortable with her body image, and needs to reassure herself that she is, in fact, attractive by dressing in a revealing manner. Or...maybe her self-esteem is low, and she needs to reveal her cleavage because she wants to prove to herself that guys still do find her attractive"
My point is, there are a million possibilities. Or, you can assume. Don't make it seem like you women are so above making assumptions about guys. You're just all more discreet about it.
point taken on assumptions aiding in our efficiency of thinking... however...
Magnificent_Bastard;18101 said:
Don't make it seem like you women are so above making assumptions about guys. You're just all more discreet about it.
assumptions like the one above don't really aid in efficient thinking... i hope that's not how you view women because frankly.. i don't see how we're above anyone when gender-inequality perceptions are so last century... with relevance to people.. all i'm saying is don't assume.. and that goes for both men and women because more often than not those assumptions (especially with clothing) are wrong once you get to know them..
lastly when i dress like a gothic punk, nerd, slut, skater, clubber, jock or anything else.. i assume i'll be treated the way i treat others because clothing doesn't say a krap of a thing about you..
lastly when i dress like a gothic punk, nerd, slut, skater, clubber, jock or anything else.. i assume i'll be treated the way i treat others because clothing doesn't say a krap of a thing about you..
if you're already friends with them, then the way they dress won't affect the way you treat them and vice versa.
however, we're basing it on first impressions though, hence " approaching women/men in bar/club situations " are we not.
But let me ask this then to those who think that if a girl dresses 'slutty' that a guy assumes that she is a slut....
First, if a girl dresses like a lumberjack, I won't apologize for assuming that she's a lumberjack.
Second, why do you think that if a guy hits on you, he thinks you're a slut? As far as I can remember, you've not criticized any guys for coming up and grabbing your ass, you've criticized them for trying to chat you up, and for being surprised when you don't want them to. Don't bring in some tangential refence to rape to try to make it seem that anybody here has been defending rape. You've only ever talked about being hit on - don't change horses in mid-stream.
Exactly. Approaching a woman in a situation does not equate to a guy wanting to sleep with you. The reason many guys are afraid is because of girls who go out of your way to make a guy feel like an asshole. If you don't want to talk, or even get to know them, then put it gently. That is, of course, if he's being courteous and polite to you.
For some reason, a few of the girls in this forum (not naming names...*cough*) have that "OMG, I get hit on so often, it's SOOO annoying! So that's why I give the guys, like, attitude, because it, like, happens all the time!" Just for the record, being hit on a lot does not equate to being attractive. I have a few butt-ugly lady friends that get hit on all the time. Get over yourself. You're not special, you're not unique, you're nobody's sunshine on a cloudy day. You're just another woman out there amongst the hundreds and thousands of others.
There seems to be a tacit consensus that it has to be the guys who hit on the girls first, and not vice versa. Yea, girls do hit on guys too but it's usually the guys who act first. But girls, it's ok if you're not interested, but please be nice and don't act like you're the hottest bitch in the room and bitch about how it's so annoying to be hit on. Sometimes it's hard enough to do :)
if you're already friends with them, then the way they dress won't affect the way you treat them and vice versa.
however, we're basing it on first impressions though, hence " approaching women/men in bar/club situations " are we not.
i still hold this rule whether i meet someone for the first time or in a club/bar situation.. the thing is if you approach guy/girl with respect and not act like you're after them like a piece of meat.. chances are you'll do fine.. after all everyone's out in the club just wanting a good time.. though this definition does cover quite a number of things.. you get the flow.. =)
Comments
I think the main point of the men in here (not that I speak for everybody), is that yes, we know not all women want to be hit on, but just don't get all angry or mad when a guy sees a girl showing off her cleavage and generally dressed skimpily (is that a word? I turned "skimpy" into an adverb, anyhow...). Because many girls probably do dress skimpy (or like a whore, for the lack of a better term) because they want guys to approach them. Sometimes it's just a misunderstanding, we don't blame you, and you shouldn't blame guys for trying.
Reminds me of a segment of Dave Chappelle's stand up special "Killing them Softly" The following is a little bit of wisdom from Dave Chappelle:
"You know sometimes you are out at the club with your boys and you see a woman and she looks good. She looks good but not in the classical sense. She's got half her ass hanging out skirt, titties all mashed together, popping out the top of her turtleneck and shit. So you go to talk to her but you've been hanging with your buddies and have got a couple drinks in you so it doesn't come out right. You're like "DAMN!!! Look at them titties". She interupts you and says, "Just because I am dressed this way does not make me a whore.". That's true fellas. Just because she is dressed that way doesn't make her a whore. But you must understand ladies, that is fucking confusing. That would be like me, Dave Chappelle the comedian, going out in public in a cop uniform. People come up to him and they're like "Help me officer, we need you over here". Then I go "Wait a minute buddy, just because I am dressed this way does not make me a police officer". You see ladies, you may not be a whore, but you sure are wearing a whore's uniform."
Bottom line: I like my breasts....guys may like my breasts too, good for them. Just because i am wearing a low-cut shirt, they should not assume that i am a "whore" (as someone mentioned) and that i want to be hit on. I am wearing a low-cut shirt because i want to and it makes ME feel good.
I could care less if guys look at my breasts. The only guy that i even want to look at them and comment on them is my bf :)
I dont know why you guys just dont seem to understand this....its fairly easy to understand.
oh, and ps a whore is someone who gets paid to have sex with people fyi, so by you saying that girls who wear low-cut shirts are all whores, that is incorrect.
Look, if no guys ever looked at you, that would upset you. You want guys to look, but do nothing more than look. And that's fine, you're allowed to make that distinction. But it's not the guys' fault for hitting on you. What are they supposed to assume? They see a girl who is trying to look attractive.
You really think it's unreasonably to assume that she wants to attract guys? Come on.
You should only get angry at the point when they dont get the point you arent interested or they cross the line and try to touch
If you dress in a way that is revealing, 1.) Don't expect guys to think of you any more than a "sexually promiscuous girl", and 2.) don't expect guys to treat you like a slut and approach you because they think you're a slut.
Either way, the quote still stands....yes, you may not be a slut, but you certainly are wearing a slut's uniform. How can a guy not assume you're slutty, when you're dressed that way? Similarly, I could walk into a Wal-Mart, see some dude in a blue vest, and automatically assume he works there.
i understand the concept that you're going to be treated by the way you dress but think about the social situation in a club for instance, or any other occasions where a dress code is enforced.. see how that influences what a person wears? and just because a girl is dressed in a more revealing outfit.. is it fair for her to expect to be hit on? i don't think any girl should feel the need to expect that in any social situation to which she dresses the way she wants.. referring back to MB's example.. yes you can automatically assume he works there.. but keep in mind that a blue vest is a very common piece of clothing where everyone has access to.. so going back to my initial point.. don't assume.. =)
But let me ask this then to those who think that if a girl dresses 'slutty' that a guy assumes that she is a slut....
Just because she is dressed in a 'slutty' way (which, according you some in this thread means having her cleavage exposed), does that mean that if she gets raped, the accused can just say: "Well, she was dressed in a low-cut shirt, aka 'slutty'....I took that as being that was a slut and wanted me to have sex with her."
I'm sorry guys, but I fail to see your sense of logic. And it just goes back to siuying's point of how you should not assume things. If a girl is wearing a low-cut shirt, dont assume that she is a slut because you have no idea if she is or not. You cannot assume that she is.
Just as when I see a guy in a tight-fitting shirt, i would not assume that he is promiscuous based on the type of shirt that he is wearing,
Don't assume things.
"hey, run down woman, wearing almost nothing, standing at the corner, shes a whore!!!!!!!!"
@baby e: actually there are rapists/ people in general that think like that.. i rmb discussing this in a crim lecture that some people blame how a woman dresses which leads them to offend.. =\ sounds pretty outlandish huh? but.. there are still people who hold onto the view that girls who dress in revealing clothing is asking for it.. and if it just so happens that she does get raped.. it's partly her fault.. =(
"oh you walk down an alley at night, your just asking to get robbed"
No one asks for it, but it definately doesn't help, lol.
My whole world almost shattered
is he asian asian? or white-washed asian?
when i look at the time, i assume it's the correct time
when i inhale, i assume theres oxygen
when i eat, i assume my stomach will be full
when i run, i assume i will be tired
when i type in this box, i assume others will read it
when i scratch my itch, i assume it won't irritate any more
when my phone rings, i assume someones on the other end of the line
when i flick the light switch, i assume the light will turn on
when i take a step forward, i assume i'll move forward
when i dress like a gothic punk, i assume i'll be treated like one
now in the last sentence , replace gothic punk with anything, eg. nerd, slut, skater, clubber,jock.
So a guy sees a girl in the club, she looks like a slut, and approaches her. Then, he either gets rejected, or she starts dancing with him, etc. If he's rejected, try the next girl. That's a much more efficient way of getting with some dirty skank than to sit in the corner, and analyze every single girl he sees. "Hmm....that one is dressed like a slut...but perhaps she's only dressed that way because she us comfortable with her body image, and needs to reassure herself that she is, in fact, attractive by dressing in a revealing manner. Or...maybe her self-esteem is low, and she needs to reveal her cleavage because she wants to prove to herself that guys still do find her attractive"
My point is, there are a million possibilities. Or, you can assume. Don't make it seem like you women are so above making assumptions about guys. You're just all more discreet about it.
lastly when i dress like a gothic punk, nerd, slut, skater, clubber, jock or anything else.. i assume i'll be treated the way i treat others because clothing doesn't say a krap of a thing about you..
if you're already friends with them, then the way they dress won't affect the way you treat them and vice versa.
however, we're basing it on first impressions though, hence " approaching women/men in bar/club situations " are we not.
Second, why do you think that if a guy hits on you, he thinks you're a slut? As far as I can remember, you've not criticized any guys for coming up and grabbing your ass, you've criticized them for trying to chat you up, and for being surprised when you don't want them to. Don't bring in some tangential refence to rape to try to make it seem that anybody here has been defending rape. You've only ever talked about being hit on - don't change horses in mid-stream.
Third, lumberjack is fun to say.
...
Lumberjack!
For some reason, a few of the girls in this forum (not naming names...*cough*) have that "OMG, I get hit on so often, it's SOOO annoying! So that's why I give the guys, like, attitude, because it, like, happens all the time!" Just for the record, being hit on a lot does not equate to being attractive. I have a few butt-ugly lady friends that get hit on all the time. Get over yourself. You're not special, you're not unique, you're nobody's sunshine on a cloudy day. You're just another woman out there amongst the hundreds and thousands of others.
That being said, LUMBERJACK!