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Bad Sex with Boyfriend

kt_uvic
edited March 2007 in General
I dunno if you guys can give me some advice but this is really on my mind lately...I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years now and we are now talking about marriage. In all the important ways, we're perfect for each other. The problem is that he's the only guy I've ever slept with and I don't think I'm sexually attracted to him. I always just figured this was just the way sex was and I'd just have to deal with it but now that I'm thinking of this being my only sexual experience for the rest of my life, I've realized I'm unhappy. In the past I've dated really cute and nice guys but broke up with them because they weren't marriage material. My boyfriend now has no physical qualities that I'm attracted to and I think that's why I don't enjoy sex. I don't think it's worth breaking up over but I don't want feel this way for the rest of my life. I want to enjoy sex with the man I love. What can/should I do?

Comments

  • PoliChic87
    edited March 2007
    Well that's a toughy.....maybe you just expect sex to be something that it's not...how do you know it's bad sex if you've only been with him? What are you comparing this to? You have 2 options pretty much.
    1- be with the one you love who you can't enjoy sex with to it's fullest extent.

    2- Dump the current BF in hopes to find someone who can give you everything he can but is better in bed....

    If you choose option 2, you run the risk of putting up with worse bullshit from other men just because your current sex life isn't that great.

    Talk to him about it, find ways for yourself to make it more enjoyable
  • Broken Lizard
    edited March 2007
    just get him to go down on you first so your already satisfied
  • toast
    edited March 2007
    ....i seen this some where before....
  • Mengs
    edited March 2007
    The thing you have to think about is; if you are already unsatisfied with what you have now, it won't become better by getting married. And, you are only allowed to have sex with him for the rest of your life if you do get married with him, or cheat on him. So either you guys talk it out and ask him if you can go have sex with other guys and try it out (i.e. I'm always here for girls when they are in need :P ) or, you leave him. cos seriously, you better have good sex cos it's gonna be for the rest of your life. Same thing as saying; he's really good in everything, but he doesn't understand me. you wouldn't get married with someone like that, would you? I know you might not see the difference or you might. but on theory it's the same thing. you just think it's different cos one is personality and one is physical, but you have to be stuck with both for the rest of your life.

    Hope that essay helped :D
  • Malakaiii
    edited March 2007
    If you're unsatisfied with the sex, you're probably unsatisfied with some other things too...

    It's not a bad idea to seek couples counseling before marrying someone! You can get it for free at SFU if one of you is a student!
  • Pro
    edited March 2007
    you guys could always become swingers
  • illicit
    edited March 2007
    lose the zero, get with the hero.
  • Jimmy
    edited March 2007
    ^ why thank you lol
  • illicit
    edited March 2007
    Jimmy Tung said:
    ^ why thank you lol
    you're not supposed to be happy when you're termed the zero ;)
  • Insatiable
    edited March 2007
    kt_uvic said:
    I don't think it's worth breaking up over but I don't want feel this way for the rest of my life. I want to enjoy sex with the man I love. What can/should I do?
    Well, you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't :tongue:
  • Magnificent_BastardMagnificent_Bastard
    edited March 2007
    illicit said:
    you're not supposed to be happy when you're termed the zero ;)
    BA-ZING!!!
  • siuying
    edited March 2007
    hmm.. that is kind of tough.. not to mention that it sucks when the sex is bad...=( anyway... i think you should first establish whether you're really in love with this guy... and that he is really the one you want to spend the rest of your life with... after all marriage isn't some game.. (well atleast not be me)

    7 years is really a commendable relationship.. most of my friends don't even last a year... but marriage.. well.. i'm skeptical on that... we're all young and emotions can sometimes screw us over.. not that i'm doubting your relationship and all.. but self satisfaction from it is also very important... and you're not getting that right even as you are in this relationship.. do you honestly think it's wise to consider marriage as of now? after all.. if you're not satisfied with what's happening now.. it's likely that you won't be after you're married... marriage doesn't make current problems go away.. it just highlights the problem.. forcing you both to face it and fix it...
  • shadysimon
    edited March 2007
    k, sex isnt really that bad when its bad, just think of this:

    "Sex is kind of like pizza, even if its not that good, its still pretty good"

    so true.
  • Malakaiii
    edited March 2007
    That pizza statement needs to continue "... if you are male"
  • Broken Lizard
    edited March 2007
    get him a few prostitutes who can show him a few pointers
  • Snowboarder Ryan
    edited March 2007
    shadysimon said:
    k, sex isnt really that bad when its bad, just think of this:

    "Sex is kind of like pizza, even if its not that good, its still pretty good"

    so true.
    Thats fucking aweesome
  • imelting
    edited March 2007
    Triple said:
    get him a few prostitutes who can show him a few pointers
    the prostitutes might leave him with somethin more than a few pointers -_-
  • kt_uvic
    edited March 2007
    Well thanks for your guys responses (most of them anyways). I decided to take a break from the relationship for a while. I don't know what it is maybe thgeis exam/essay stress is really getting to me but I really needed to sort things out. See you guys around :)
  • little_asian_angel
    edited March 2007
    be the teacher and guide him through. practice makes perfect. lol
  • Pro
    edited March 2007
    maybe you're the one who's bad... just a thought.
  • siuying
    edited March 2007
    Pro said:
    maybe you're the one who's bad... just a thought.
    hmm.. that could be a possibility.. but then again given what she said.. he doesn't seem to be complaining..
  • Broken Lizard
    edited March 2007
    siuying said:
    hmm.. that could be a possibility.. but then again given what she said.. he doesn't seem to be complaining..
    yeah i dun think any guy would complain even if she lays there not even moving... haha
  • imelting
    edited March 2007
    siuying said:
    hmm.. that could be a possibility.. but then again given what she said.. he doesn't seem to be complaining..
    well on the flip side, does he know she is complaining, so maybe he is complaining too and we just dont know haha
  • siuying
    edited March 2007
    imelting said:
    well on the flip side, does he know she is complaining, so maybe he is complaining too and we just dont know haha
    haha.. i'm also aware of that.. and thus the "given what she said".. =P

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