getting really serious too fast?

Brad

I've got 2 problems to bring up the wise folks of talksfu (its my first post).

First of all I'll start by saying I've found the woman of my dreams a while back and I've been dating her for a few months now (not quite half a year). We haven't had many problems and none that we didn't fix the same day. We see eye to eye on most things, but now I'm a little worried. We're pretty serious already and next year were both going to be switching into the same program. I have no problem with the idea of being with this girl for a very long time, but how soon is too soon to get really serious? Somehow we were talking about the subject of marriage and she mentioned how she thought it would be really great if we got engaged by the end of this year. She hinted at this several other times and I even sorta stopped her and asked if she was serious (and she was).

I like the sound of this idea and she obviously does too, but is a year/year and a half good long enough? I know there's no set time frame, but what is everyone else's opinion on this?

Bhambra

Hi Brad! Welcome to talksfu ;)
I'm not sure when "too soon" would be, But honestly don't get 'guilted' or forced into anything. She really needs to see that youre in a different place than her. You should really talk to her about this, dun try to read her, youre not psychic :P

Pro

you could have included how old you guys are.. you could be like 17 for all i know

Bhambra

obviously they're not seventeen :P
18? 19? 21?! i'm guessing 21

Malakaiii

I moved pretty fast with my boyfriend too, we moved in together after 5 months of dating! But it's been 4.5 years now and things are still awesome. To be honest, I wish he'd ask me to marry him, but I know we'll get to that eventually. I do want to wait until I finish school before starting that part of my life.

It seems like you have a good relationship in that you talk through your problems. I don't think this should be any different! Sit down and map out your lives (both your individual lives and your life together). Maybe she wants to travel the world, but you want to buy a house and start working right after school. Do you have religious differences? Or do you both want kids or dogs? Where will you live? Will both of you work, or just one? All of these are important issues that you should address BEFORE you start down the road to marriage. If you search Google, you can find tons of these before marriage questions and some are specific to certain religions or situations.

You may also want to talk to a trusted friend or relative who personally knows you and your situation. It's really helpful to get personal information instead of us just guessing at what things are like for you!

Good luck. :smile:

Berlyn

I really liked your post Malakaiii...those are some good questions to consider.

I know how it feels to have found the person you think is just for you. It feels so right that it's easy to rush into things like engagements and marriage. But I've always held the view that if you really are going to spend the rest of your life with this person, then what does it matter what the date of your wedding (or engagement) is??? Today or 2-3 years from now? The point is that you're going to be together, now and later/forever. If this is true, then it makes no difference to wait a couple more years before getting married. You can already start enjoying your life together! If she feels the same way, and knows you guys will be together, then what's the rush? Better to be safe than sorry, right?

Malakaiii

I agree, often marriage can put unnecessary pressure on you and break something that would be otherwise just fine! If you are both comfortable with it and it's not going to ruin relationships with family, then move in together and give it a try! You'd be surprised how many things come up once you start sharing the same space.

Brad

My mistake, I'm 20 and she's 21 in second year

Thank you guys for the responses so far, its really getting me thinking from a different perspective. When you're in love with someone its hard not to follow your heart but I guess that's not all that matters in the long run because there is so much other stuff to consider

Malakaiii

Don't worry, Brad! It's extremely important that there is love in the relationship, but your feelings for each other will change over time and you want to be sure that you are both on the same wavelength before diving into a longterm commitment! That head-over-heels feeling will fade off after a while and you want to be sure that there is something more substantial that will get you through the rest of your lives.

And this should be exciting and positive, not scary or overwhelming!