Well in a relationship it becomes a pretty big deal when youre always with the person, if your beliefs are not concordant it doesnt look good for the relationship.
this.
but then again, i repeat, anything can be a dealbreaker if you really think about it.
i think we all know that IVT.. but i think the purpose of this thread was go for the specifics..
dang.. i didn't really think about religion till danoobie brought it up.. it's not a deal breaker if they aren't hardcore about their religion and that they don't try to get me into it.. that said.. i don't believe in marriages.. don't like getting up for masses and i really dislike walking into churches.. so if they're okay with that i'm cool...
Religion is a big deal, and even politics can be as well.
Its simply not reasonable to be with someone and always avoid the topics, and even if you do its quite irritating.
I knew someone dating a guy who was super religious, and all of her friends just hated him because he would always start fights at parties, and he was so stuck up and party killer.
People generally hang out with people with similar beliefs or outlooks on life, so if someone doesn't match yours they won't be a very good fit into your life.
I think saying that you can just respect everyones views is hippie bullshit :P because at the end of the day you need someone who is compatible with you, not whos views you have to force yourself to respect.
Religion is a big deal, and even politics can be as well. ... People generally hang out with people with similar beliefs or outlooks on life, so if someone doesn't match yours they won't be a very good fit into your life.
I don't buy it. I can think of plenty of situations where people can respect each others' differing beliefs.. and believe me, I'm the last person you'll find preaching "hippie bullshit".
Political beliefs are tolerable. Some people actually LIKE having different opinions. I hate it when people are having a conversation and they're just *trying* to find a way to agree about everything. It makes me sick. It's as if they don't want to offend anyone by offering an original opinion. If you disagree with someone, then you disagree. The world does not end. You can still be friends.
Religion is a bit more personal but I don't think it would necessarily be a dealbreaker. Not all religious folk are bible thumpers, and not all non-religious folk are antagonistic athiests.
I don't buy it. I can think of plenty of situations where people can respect each others' differing beliefs.. and believe me, I'm the last person you'll find preaching "hippie bullshit".
Political beliefs are tolerable. Some people actually LIKE having different opinions. I hate it when people are having a conversation and they're just *trying* to find a way to agree about everything. It makes me sick. It's as if they don't want to offend anyone by offering an original opinion. If you disagree with someone, then you disagree. The world does not end. You can still be friends.
Religion is a bit more personal but I don't think it would necessarily be a dealbreaker. Not all religious folk are bible thumpers, and not all non-religious folk are antagonistic athiests.
Are you talking from experience or your own normative judgements?
It's nice to have different opinions and not be the same person, but it also isn't great when you can't agree on anything, or have to avoid topics. Sure stuff like religion and and politics may not break a relationship in every situation but they can, and are deal breakers at times. Not necessarily being a deal breaker doesn't mean a relationship will be healthy or functional long-term.
Whether you see it or not, sucessful relationships are ones built upon people with similar beliefs, attitudes, or philosophies-- people can and should differ individually within these categories.
My example of the overly religious guy may be showing the extreme of points but I think its a poignant example that is a matter of degree not either or.
I think saying that you can just respect everyones views is hippie bullshit :P because at the end of the day you need someone who is compatible with you, not whos views you have to force yourself to respect.
for a romantic relationship, I agree with you for friendship, its different. eg I have 1 non-atheist friend (off the top of my head) and really, that doesn't bother me at all.
It's nice to have different opinions and not be the same person, but it also isn't great when you can't agree on anything, or have to avoid topics. Sure stuff like religion and and politics may not break a relationship in every situation but they can, and are deal breakers at times. Not necessarily being a deal breaker doesn't mean a relationship will be healthy or functional long-term.
Whether you see it or not, sucessful relationships are ones built upon people with similar beliefs, attitudes, or philosophies-- people can and should differ individually within these categories.
I think it's all relative to the person. There are couples who LOVE to disagree and fight about it. It makes for a more passionate relationship.
I, for one, love to argue my own opinions (like you guys couldn't tell already). If I was always around people who agreed with me, I would feel like a preachy know-it-all. Believe me... I HAVE friends who don't care about what I care about, and when I talk to them about the shit I talk about, they are always usually nodding, or they just blank out.
I like that people argue with me, because it shows that they can make an intelligent assessment of what I'm saying and form an intelligent opinion from it.
Similar beliefs and psychologies are much too boring. Of course, I would never be with a man who thought that child pornography is the most awesome thing in the world. But being with a guy who is always agreeing with me just makes me antsy. It makes me feel like my life is going to filled with endless boring conversations where it is more of a monologue than a conversation.
But like I said, it's all relative to the person. Some people like to argue, and some people don't. I think what you said about successful relationships built on people who are similar is a groundless argument--there are many successful relationships built upon exact opposite people as well. Sure, couples who disagree a lot fight a lot more, but ultimately, I find that life style (full of conflicting interaction and intellectual stimulation) much more appealing than a life style of "Yes, I know!!" "Exactly my point as well!"
It also annoys me too, when people (in general) agree with you in a conversation for the sake of agreeing. It shows that they brought no intellect to the table and are not worth having a conversation with.
I think it's all relative to the person. There are couples who LOVE to disagree and fight about it. It makes for a more passionate relationship.
I, for one, love to argue my own opinions (like you guys couldn't tell already). If I was always around people who agreed with me, I would feel like a preachy know-it-all. Believe me... I HAVE friends who don't care about what I care about, and when I talk to them about the shit I talk about, they are always usually nodding, or they just blank out.
I like that people argue with me, because it shows that they can make an intelligent assessment of what I'm saying and form an intelligent opinion from it.
Similar beliefs and psychologies are much too boring. Of course, I would never be with a man who thought that child pornography is the most awesome thing in the world. But being with a guy who is always agreeing with me just makes me antsy. It makes me feel like my life is going to filled with endless boring conversations where it is more of a monologue than a conversation.
But like I said, it's all relative to the person. Some people like to argue, and some people don't. I think what you said about successful relationships built on people who are similar is a groundless argument--there are many successful relationships built upon exact opposite people as well. Sure, couples who disagree a lot fight a lot more, but ultimately, I find that life style (full of conflicting interaction and intellectual stimulation) much more appealing than a life style of "Yes, I know!!" "Exactly my point as well!"
It also annoys me too, when people (in general) agree with you in a conversation for the sake of agreeing. It shows that they brought no intellect to the table and are not worth having a conversation with.
I think theres a big difference between having similar ideologies in life, and being the exact same in all aspects and always agreeing. My boyfriend and I are quite similar but still don't agree all the time. We were talking about abortion the other idea and had differing logics, even though we are both atheists.
I dont know, I think there are over arching categories that should match but who knows.
Smoking's a deal breaker for me for anything long term. One night stands are different though; smoking doesnt matter then. Although being married now negates any thought I once had on the issue, lol.
Smoking's a deal breaker for me for anything long term. One night stands are different though; smoking doesnt matter then. Although being married now negates any thought I once had on the issue, lol.
Yes...zero cooking abilities would definitely be a deal breaker for me haha I'm a pretty good cook, but i would like that my girl can cook once in a while =)
I'm making BBQ rosemary chicken skewers with berry sauce (sounds weird, but apparently good), with rice/salad and chocolate cake for dessert.
that sounds excellent!
remember when BBQ'ing to wait until the BBQ is at least 450F before putting the meat on, in other words - very hot. This seals in the moisture and keeps the chicken juicy if you dont over cook. Once food is on reduce fire to low because it is hot enough(keep BBQ covered unless turning the skewer to maintain temp). Since it's skewers, it may not take very long perhaps 4 minutes a side(a guess mind you).
You may already know this, but thought I could mention it anyways to help. Good Luck!
hm... i'm alright with having zero cooking abilities... so long as he's prepared to spend.. i will not settle without good food!!! XP
but i do expect some effort in trying.. or atleast be willing to learn... refusal to do that would be the deal breaker for me... because nothing beats homemade/comfort food when you're upset or sick...
I just last night encountered a maybe deal-breaker: No tongue. We had a great date, cute first kiss, started making out and then she starts acting weird, and I get it out of her: "I don't like tongue. It's just sort of weird, I don't like it."
I haven't decided if it's a deal-breaker, yet, but it's definitely disappointing. Also, and this is how my mind works, if I can't put my tongue on her tongue, what are the chances that she's into putting my penis on her tongue? Deeeaaallll breeaaakkkeeeeerrrrr...
She's 21, and has had a one year relationship before. I don't think it was a too-fast thing, and I'm sure she's kissed a bit in the past. I think she just genuinely doesn't like it.
just like how some don't like sex.. which is probably a deal-breaker for most ppl on there.. lol. :tongue:
but yeah.. i agree with IVT.. it's a first kiss, going flow blown would be awkward.. not to mention that your partner would have fostered expectations for the impending one.. he/she would be expecting something of equal intensity or just overall.. a better kiss next time.. in effect you just elevated your playing field too soon..
Comments
but then again, i repeat, anything can be a dealbreaker if you really think about it.
dang.. i didn't really think about religion till danoobie brought it up.. it's not a deal breaker if they aren't hardcore about their religion and that they don't try to get me into it.. that said.. i don't believe in marriages.. don't like getting up for masses and i really dislike walking into churches.. so if they're okay with that i'm cool...
....but i would convert the person if i had to :P
Its simply not reasonable to be with someone and always avoid the topics, and even if you do its quite irritating.
I knew someone dating a guy who was super religious, and all of her friends just hated him because he would always start fights at parties, and he was so stuck up and party killer.
People generally hang out with people with similar beliefs or outlooks on life, so if someone doesn't match yours they won't be a very good fit into your life.
I think saying that you can just respect everyones views is hippie bullshit :P because at the end of the day you need someone who is compatible with you, not whos views you have to force yourself to respect.
Political beliefs are tolerable. Some people actually LIKE having different opinions. I hate it when people are having a conversation and they're just *trying* to find a way to agree about everything. It makes me sick. It's as if they don't want to offend anyone by offering an original opinion. If you disagree with someone, then you disagree. The world does not end. You can still be friends.
Religion is a bit more personal but I don't think it would necessarily be a dealbreaker. Not all religious folk are bible thumpers, and not all non-religious folk are antagonistic athiests.
It's nice to have different opinions and not be the same person, but it also isn't great when you can't agree on anything, or have to avoid topics. Sure stuff like religion and and politics may not break a relationship in every situation but they can, and are deal breakers at times. Not necessarily being a deal breaker doesn't mean a relationship will be healthy or functional long-term.
Whether you see it or not, sucessful relationships are ones built upon people with similar beliefs, attitudes, or philosophies-- people can and should differ individually within these categories.
My example of the overly religious guy may be showing the extreme of points but I think its a poignant example that is a matter of degree not either or.
for friendship, its different. eg I have 1 non-atheist friend (off the top of my head) and really, that doesn't bother me at all.
I, for one, love to argue my own opinions (like you guys couldn't tell already). If I was always around people who agreed with me, I would feel like a preachy know-it-all. Believe me... I HAVE friends who don't care about what I care about, and when I talk to them about the shit I talk about, they are always usually nodding, or they just blank out.
I like that people argue with me, because it shows that they can make an intelligent assessment of what I'm saying and form an intelligent opinion from it.
Similar beliefs and psychologies are much too boring. Of course, I would never be with a man who thought that child pornography is the most awesome thing in the world. But being with a guy who is always agreeing with me just makes me antsy. It makes me feel like my life is going to filled with endless boring conversations where it is more of a monologue than a conversation.
But like I said, it's all relative to the person. Some people like to argue, and some people don't. I think what you said about successful relationships built on people who are similar is a groundless argument--there are many successful relationships built upon exact opposite people as well. Sure, couples who disagree a lot fight a lot more, but ultimately, I find that life style (full of conflicting interaction and intellectual stimulation) much more appealing than a life style of "Yes, I know!!" "Exactly my point as well!"
It also annoys me too, when people (in general) agree with you in a conversation for the sake of agreeing. It shows that they brought no intellect to the table and are not worth having a conversation with.
...and go!
I think theres a big difference between having similar ideologies in life, and being the exact same in all aspects and always agreeing. My boyfriend and I are quite similar but still don't agree all the time. We were talking about abortion the other idea and had differing logics, even though we are both atheists.
I dont know, I think there are over arching categories that should match but who knows.
PWNED
I'm cooking a meal for him tonight and I'm silently freaking out.
whatcha cooking?
I'm making BBQ rosemary chicken skewers with berry sauce (sounds weird, but apparently good), with rice/salad and chocolate cake for dessert.
I'm a pretty good cook, but i would like that my girl can cook once in a while =)
remember when BBQ'ing to wait until the BBQ is at least 450F before putting the meat on, in other words - very hot. This seals in the moisture and keeps the chicken juicy if you dont over cook. Once food is on reduce fire to low because it is hot enough(keep BBQ covered unless turning the skewer to maintain temp). Since it's skewers, it may not take very long perhaps 4 minutes a side(a guess mind you).
You may already know this, but thought I could mention it anyways to help. Good Luck!
but i do expect some effort in trying.. or atleast be willing to learn... refusal to do that would be the deal breaker for me... because nothing beats homemade/comfort food when you're upset or sick...
We are people too :(
I haven't decided if it's a deal-breaker, yet, but it's definitely disappointing. Also, and this is how my mind works, if I can't put my tongue on her tongue, what are the chances that she's into putting my penis on her tongue? Deeeaaallll breeaaakkkeeeeerrrrr...
but yeah.. i agree with IVT.. it's a first kiss, going flow blown would be awkward.. not to mention that your partner would have fostered expectations for the impending one.. he/she would be expecting something of equal intensity or just overall.. a better kiss next time.. in effect you just elevated your playing field too soon..