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How do you deal with....
....I figured instead of making individual threads, it would be kind of cool to just throw out opinions for those who are in relationships/perhaps in confusing situations?
So! I'll start.
My boyfriend and I are verrry different in terms of emotions. I'm pretty easy to read and I'll tell him how I feel, whereas he doesn't say a word and will just keep it to himself: eg. I smile a lot (when I'm happy, obviously, which is most often with him) and he rarely smiles. We were driving home tonight and I just said "smile!" and he pretty much went ballistic. Not in the physical sense, but just kept telling me that it's not him, that he finds I'm being critical, that when I leave the car he wonders what's wrong with him. I kept telling him that wasn't my intention and I was sorry if he approached it that way, but he kept telling me over and over how he thinks it means there's something wrong with the way he is.
Granted, he was tired from partying the night before. Fantastic. But does that seem appropriate? I asked if there was anything else he wanted to talk about, but he said no. It seems to me like there's underlying issues, or he's really stressed, but I didn't want to push it!
I didn't realize "smile!" was so immature/critical. Huh!
So! I'll start.
My boyfriend and I are verrry different in terms of emotions. I'm pretty easy to read and I'll tell him how I feel, whereas he doesn't say a word and will just keep it to himself: eg. I smile a lot (when I'm happy, obviously, which is most often with him) and he rarely smiles. We were driving home tonight and I just said "smile!" and he pretty much went ballistic. Not in the physical sense, but just kept telling me that it's not him, that he finds I'm being critical, that when I leave the car he wonders what's wrong with him. I kept telling him that wasn't my intention and I was sorry if he approached it that way, but he kept telling me over and over how he thinks it means there's something wrong with the way he is.
Granted, he was tired from partying the night before. Fantastic. But does that seem appropriate? I asked if there was anything else he wanted to talk about, but he said no. It seems to me like there's underlying issues, or he's really stressed, but I didn't want to push it!
I didn't realize "smile!" was so immature/critical. Huh!
Comments
Although, going "ballistic" for what you said is an overreaction and thats why I think he has probably just been holding it in. Do you tell him things like this often? Things that make him second guess himself?
If you say he rarely smiles and u know this...why do u suspect he's stressed or there's some underlying issue?
@Justin, I never, ever intentionally make him second guess himself. I always say it for fun and I told him over and over how I didn't mean it critically and there was no way I wanted to change him, but he seemed to brush it off. Like I said, I know it's stress and we're still getting to know these little things about each other, I was just really surprised.
We also never, ever fought in our first year, and not this is a fight by any means, but coming into our second year we have wayyyy more little tiffs than we ever have. It's weird!
this should be common sense tho, when u start dating, people tolerate a lot more stuff since they don't know how the person would react but once u've been with them a while some lil things can slip and u get fed up with other stuff
As your relationship gets more mature these things will happen more and more as bufli said. My wife and I didnt fight once in our first 1.5 years. Now its a pretty common thing, but our resolution powers are immense, lol.
TalkSFU prevails again! I like outside views.
i can't tell you why thats just how it is lol
To be honest, I don't really know how we work. Haha.
I also think after the first year more fights come up...and if you both get over this hump...fights will usually die down. At least this is what i'm experiencing now...i've gone out with my girl for more than 3.5 years and i feel as though we're past that stage of nick-picking little things about each other. We rarely fight now (especially over little things)! :)
theres times where i dont feel like smiling but am happy, i dont feel like people should always have to outwardly express their feelings with exubberance, and i didnt like how he told me to smile, like i have to smile to show im happy
It all depends on your personality.