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Roman Catholicism
Is anyone Catholic here?
I am. I've always been a follower, I guess. I use to go to church every Sunday, pray everynight, had strong faith I would say.. But, now, for a while, I've been questioning everything.
There are so many types of Catholics out there. Catholics that say they are catholic but don't really go to church or practice any of their faith. Catholics like me I guess, that try their best to do everything the bible says BUT is finding very difficult to follow everything that is taught. OR... very extreme catholics that try to follow EVERYTHING in the bible. Even the teachings that may seen unreasonable for this day and age.
My boyfriend and I have been together for quite some time now. He's a believer in God but doesn't believe it is necessary to be a part of any religion. We fight constantly about this and it's really frustrating sometimes. Ever since I've been with him, my mind has been so guilty because we have sex before we are married and do all those things that Catholics would call "mortal sins". Mortal sins are the worst type of sins, I believe and I was taught that I can go to hell for it.
I believe that the commandments and the "rules" that are set in the bible are for the betterment of us. My boyfriend believes that the bible was written so long ago. Back in the time when children would be married off very early. So this rule was only relative to that time period back then to protect the children, who probably got married off at a very young age.
I believe premarital sex is for the betterment of everyone. It prevents unwanted births, etc.
But there are some things that Roman Catholicism teaches that I find unbelievable and very unreasonable. Such as, the use of condoms. They believe any artificial means, such as the pill or condoms, of birth control are sinful. Some "extreme" catholics even believe that sex is only for procreation and not for pleasure. They believe they have found proof in the bible that says even passionate kisses are wrong. I know some extreme catholics who even count the number of seconds their kisses last just to make sure it doesn't become "passionate". It is also sinful to intentionally get an errection or to intentionally try to sexually arrouse someone.
Also, the Sabbath. I was taught to keep it holy and to not work on that day. But some people take it as far as not going shopping on Sunday or trying to avoid doing homework on Sunday. Isn't that too extreme?
There are things that my boyfriend always questions. If sex wasn't for pleasure, why did God create it?
For a while now, I have stopped going to church. Communion (eating the Body and drinking the Blood of Jesus) is necessary in Catholicism. But I can't because it is sinful to do so when you are not pure or full of sin. The only way to get rid of sins is to go to confession. But I feel like I can't go or shouldn't go because I feel I would commit those "sins" again. Such as having pre-marital sex. My bf and I are in a long distance relationship. It's very hard for us to feel connected so sex is a good way to connect ourselves after several months being apart.
Everytime I try to bring up giving up sex and tell him to respect me, he always asks, "Why don't you respect me? Why do you force me to follow?" I love him. It's so hard for me and I know it's hard for him too. He always says he'll try but he's been finding it so hard. Our relationship seems to crumble everytime this topic arises. I don't want to lose him but I still want to be close to God. What can I do?
I know if I ask any advice of a priest, he'll just tell me to let go of him. The priest will tell me that if he doesn't respect me, he won't be worth my time. But how about me?? I find it hard to respect my bf just because of the teachings of the Church. It's really a dilemma. Either I give up my bf or the Church. And I can't seem to do either.
Please give me your advice, opinions on anything that I have just mentioned. Thanks
I am. I've always been a follower, I guess. I use to go to church every Sunday, pray everynight, had strong faith I would say.. But, now, for a while, I've been questioning everything.
There are so many types of Catholics out there. Catholics that say they are catholic but don't really go to church or practice any of their faith. Catholics like me I guess, that try their best to do everything the bible says BUT is finding very difficult to follow everything that is taught. OR... very extreme catholics that try to follow EVERYTHING in the bible. Even the teachings that may seen unreasonable for this day and age.
My boyfriend and I have been together for quite some time now. He's a believer in God but doesn't believe it is necessary to be a part of any religion. We fight constantly about this and it's really frustrating sometimes. Ever since I've been with him, my mind has been so guilty because we have sex before we are married and do all those things that Catholics would call "mortal sins". Mortal sins are the worst type of sins, I believe and I was taught that I can go to hell for it.
I believe that the commandments and the "rules" that are set in the bible are for the betterment of us. My boyfriend believes that the bible was written so long ago. Back in the time when children would be married off very early. So this rule was only relative to that time period back then to protect the children, who probably got married off at a very young age.
I believe premarital sex is for the betterment of everyone. It prevents unwanted births, etc.
But there are some things that Roman Catholicism teaches that I find unbelievable and very unreasonable. Such as, the use of condoms. They believe any artificial means, such as the pill or condoms, of birth control are sinful. Some "extreme" catholics even believe that sex is only for procreation and not for pleasure. They believe they have found proof in the bible that says even passionate kisses are wrong. I know some extreme catholics who even count the number of seconds their kisses last just to make sure it doesn't become "passionate". It is also sinful to intentionally get an errection or to intentionally try to sexually arrouse someone.
Also, the Sabbath. I was taught to keep it holy and to not work on that day. But some people take it as far as not going shopping on Sunday or trying to avoid doing homework on Sunday. Isn't that too extreme?
There are things that my boyfriend always questions. If sex wasn't for pleasure, why did God create it?
For a while now, I have stopped going to church. Communion (eating the Body and drinking the Blood of Jesus) is necessary in Catholicism. But I can't because it is sinful to do so when you are not pure or full of sin. The only way to get rid of sins is to go to confession. But I feel like I can't go or shouldn't go because I feel I would commit those "sins" again. Such as having pre-marital sex. My bf and I are in a long distance relationship. It's very hard for us to feel connected so sex is a good way to connect ourselves after several months being apart.
Everytime I try to bring up giving up sex and tell him to respect me, he always asks, "Why don't you respect me? Why do you force me to follow?" I love him. It's so hard for me and I know it's hard for him too. He always says he'll try but he's been finding it so hard. Our relationship seems to crumble everytime this topic arises. I don't want to lose him but I still want to be close to God. What can I do?
I know if I ask any advice of a priest, he'll just tell me to let go of him. The priest will tell me that if he doesn't respect me, he won't be worth my time. But how about me?? I find it hard to respect my bf just because of the teachings of the Church. It's really a dilemma. Either I give up my bf or the Church. And I can't seem to do either.
Please give me your advice, opinions on anything that I have just mentioned. Thanks
Comments
First, I'm not religious. Just as you were raised Catholic, I was raised NOT to be. But I do know that people, regardless of their upbringing and prior beliefs, will find a time where their deepest beliefs are challenged. And it's never easy...
I think that you need to take a step back from what your priest, boyfriend, parents, or friends might say and think of what YOU want from life.
I certainly cannot tell you what to do, but I would like to remind you of the following things:
-there are many religious/spiritual people who do not follow an organized religion, and live very full, happy lives.
-when you think about it honestly, there are plenty of fantastic people who are not Catholic, or even religious.
-at the end of the day, you have to LIKE YOURSELF. You should be able to respect the choices you have made that day, and feel good about who you are.
-if you are already fighting with your boyfriend about this issue, it is NOT going to go away without one of you bending to the other's will.
-you are RIGHT to question the beliefs that have been introduced to you. NEVER accept something blindly. To first understand something and then choose to accept it makes it much more powerful than "blind faith".
It is very hard for me to put myself in your shoes as from a non-religious outsider's opinion I want to tell you to believe in whatever you want, as long as you like yourself and don't hurt others with your beliefs. However, I know that it is not that simple.
But I will tell you that questioning your faith is VERY RIGHT. Belief is so much more powerful when you CHOOSE it than when you believe it because it's all you know. Perhaps you can find another way to be spiritual, have a relationship with God, and not cut yourself off from others who do not share your beliefs. Take some time to find out what is important for you. I know that your spirituality is... but must it take the form of Catholicism?
But above all things... be happy....
they somewhat think all that's in the bible and the religion is divine.. and will not accept the fact the bible was man written.. therefore subjected to flaws.. and even if it wasn't man written.. where was the evidence that God dictacted it? rules change as time changes.. nowadays people don't have to marry so young.. i don't see why rules made for people 1000's of years ago should still hold for people of the present..
i don't know how many times i've said this...pre-marital sex is NOT a sin.. religion can't and should not interfere with it.. it's a personal choice we make.. and if someone did have sex before marriage.. so what? it doesn't make any better nor any worse than any other people.. we're humans.. not saints.. at the end of day.. we are the ones responsible for our actions.. not God and certainly not some man written book..
and dear.. don't talk to a priest about your relationship problems.. he's not someone who'll understand... he's a freaking priest.. what does he know about relationships let alone sex?
if it makes you feel better about you and your religion.. some follower once told me "the kingdom of god is inside and all around you".. that's pretty self explanatory... He will still love you for who you are and the way you are... the religion isn't there to inhibit you but serve as a shelter when you need one..
I highly recommend SFU's Counselling Centre. I see an awesome lady there and everyone is so nice. It's good to have someone who isn't part of your family or friend group to talk to about problems. It's free for students and really quick and easy to go see someone.
I've always been curious as to what the Catholics believe and how they differ from Christians. But in the Christian perspective, no matter what the sin, if one is truly repentant, God will forgive him/her. He or she simply must be sincere about repenting the sin. Because God loves us, and his love is such that it is incomprehensible to man.
Yes, the Bible was written long ago. But what about all other literature? There are so many great books of great intellect and insight that were written ages ago that are still read today. The Classics. Yes, people say that Bible is great literature, and nothing much more. What about Shakespeare? What about Milton? What about Voltaire? Hugo? Orwell? They all had a MESSAGE. The Bible isn't just a book full of fairy tales. As for evidence, evidence has been found to support some of the historical circumstances of the Bible's occurrences. Perhaps not the miracles and the events incredible to man, but the historical setting, and documents, etc. The Bible was written by man, but it was divinely inspired, inspired by God. How do you prove this? Let me ask you another question? How do you "prove" a religion? How do you prove Buddhism? Islam? The truth is, religion is a commitment of faith. There is a famous Bible verse that says that true faith is believing without seeing. True faith. If you truly believe what you believe, then you shouldn't question it, you should believe it.
About sex. God created sex as something sacred. It is specially meant to be enjoyed within the boundaries of marriage. What I was taught was that sex is something sacred, and should be regarded as sacred, and left until marriage. Being lustful is a sin. Because by being lustful, one might lead another to engaging in sinful activities. When I was at my Christian school, we had pretty strict dress codes to ensure that girls don't reveal any skin, skirts aren't too short, etc.
Many people just dismiss religion as being a "crutch" for the weak. My pastor once remarked that as being obvious. His reasoning was that we as humans are in true honesty, very weak. We need to adhere to something, we need some reason for living. Look at all the hopeless romantics who search for the meaning of life. What is it then? All of this is very subjective, and hence the variety of religion in the world. You can't say which is the better, because that is faith, again. A buddhist will say that Buddha is the real god, and that Buddhism is the key to Nirvana. A Muslim would say that Allah is the true god. Then Christians would say that Jesus is the way. None of these faithful would accept any other religion. Because what they believe is a matter of their faith. So I agree with siuying about religion being a shelter when you need one.
Ok, lastly, yes, siuying, we are the ones responsible for our actions. But there is still some optimism. Like I said earlier, God loves us so much that we can be forgiven. If we accept and believe that Jesus died for our sins, then all we have to do to be forgiven is to ask for forgiveness.
I'm sorry if I sound accusatory or anything, but I just wanted to give you guys a piece of my mind.
(agnostic: not definite on acknowleding the existence of a superior ' external ' force or believing in one certain one at the moment
atheist: don't believe in the existence of a superior ' external ' force, no such thing as ' fate ' or ' destiny ' , everything is to their own power)
the way you put that, it's like questioning our education.
who really knows if DNA helicase is unzipping the genes in dna replication, it's all a pile of junk to test our ability to conceptualize and memorize, whether it's right or not. it's something that you put into an assumption ( NOT an assertion:a declaration that is made emphatically (as if no supporting evidence is available))since events in the dna replication are known to occur, similar to events predicted by the bible.
you're right.. the unzipping of the DNA is a concept used to explain how the replication of genes occur.. yet scientists have also thrown back theories of past (eg: earth being flat) and replace them with new theories that more explanatory and understandable.. it is knowledge willing to be subjected to change.. and once they find sufficient evidence to prove a past theory wrong.. they will go and amend it.. i don't see that happening with the bible.. nor the teachings they do.. thus the dogmatism i mentioned...
perhaps i sounded rude in how i formatted my question.. but that's exactly what i mean.. i don't need forgiveness from someone i didn't do wrong to..
I think Tinana is looking for specific advice here.