To take part in discussions on talkSFU, please apply for membership (SFU email id required).
Poem: the girl that I like
I wrote this poem to a heartless girl who seems my words are falling on deaf ears...
Could you please tell me what you understand from this poem? I would appreciate if you put yourself in a Canadian way of interpreting poems. It doesn't necessarily suppose to be what I may mean but I would be delighted to hear your responses.
The Innocent Saint
The first sight of the temple was a glimpse of gemstone river
That sprang from the mountains of the Himalayas
And descended into the Indian ocean
its water not be confronted
huge and massive like tsunami
that capsizes and drowns innocent lives
neither discriminates nor cares
But separates saint and devil
And shrines the saint with fragrance
Saint walks tidy and clean
Festooned with the flower of hope
Always wakes up with optimism
And dawns with illuminated lamp
Saint bothered by unthinkable nightmares
That encapsulates and engulfs the Eros nerve
Attempts to avoid but persistently present
Repents and prays,
Still arrogantly indelible,
But finds solutions in his eternal live.
The Saint learned how to smile...to be happy
To be strong..to be honest..to work hard...
To be faithful...to be self reliant...to succeed.
Copyright...By Hope-2016
Thank you.
Could you please tell me what you understand from this poem? I would appreciate if you put yourself in a Canadian way of interpreting poems. It doesn't necessarily suppose to be what I may mean but I would be delighted to hear your responses.
The Innocent Saint
The first sight of the temple was a glimpse of gemstone river
That sprang from the mountains of the Himalayas
And descended into the Indian ocean
its water not be confronted
huge and massive like tsunami
that capsizes and drowns innocent lives
neither discriminates nor cares
But separates saint and devil
And shrines the saint with fragrance
Saint walks tidy and clean
Festooned with the flower of hope
Always wakes up with optimism
And dawns with illuminated lamp
Saint bothered by unthinkable nightmares
That encapsulates and engulfs the Eros nerve
Attempts to avoid but persistently present
Repents and prays,
Still arrogantly indelible,
But finds solutions in his eternal live.
The Saint learned how to smile...to be happy
To be strong..to be honest..to work hard...
To be faithful...to be self reliant...to succeed.
Copyright...By Hope-2016
Thank you.
Comments
"No doot aboot it"
"So, how 'bout them Red Wings"
Seriously though,
First, how is this about a girl you like?
Line 4 --> "its water not confronted"
Line 5 --> "a huge and massive tsunami"
Also, do you really need two words that say the same thing?
It should probably be "life" not "live" near the end.
All those ellipses look ridiculous.
"Saint" and "The Saint" - pick one.
And a copyright? srysly?
If you are just trying to show her your poetic talent... it needs improvement.
Also, your poem lacks a unifying theme. The first verse doesn't seem to mesh well with the verses following. Even as a free verse, this poem fails.
If you are going to begin almost every verse with Saint, then do every single verse with Saint, including the first verse. This type of repetition can add something to the poem. If you didn't want repetition, then don't do it at all.
Anyhow--is this poem translated from another language? Because if you had written it in your native tongue or a different language, it may not always work out well if you translate to English. A lot of imagery is lost, as well as the meaning.
Whose love life was awkward and sad
He wrote out a verse, each line getting worse
The whole thing was shockingly bad.
/thread
For poems about the OP
Write one or don't post
A minimalist free verse
I guess that's okay
How long
Until he exhausts
The limited curriculum of
His high school poetry classes?
http://www.hippaul.com/songs/iwonder.mp3
Is on you Ether, my friend
I already have