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Love Work Dilemma
Hello everyone:
I have a bit of a love work problem and i need advice. Here's the situation
I am best best buds with this girl from work . She's younger than me but we get along so well. We always smile at each other at work, we talk easily and we trust each other with our secrets and stuff. We both work in the same area at work and so we are always in the same vicinity as the other.
Anyways being a guy i really care about her and would always be there for her to lend a ear like a friend would . I have a gf though whom i love really much so i know it's not going to work out between us. She assumes we are the best of friends and we are, but anyways the complication comes in where she trusts me so much that she tells me everything about her and stuff. However i'm feeling like i'm on the fence because recently she told me that a fellow coworker whom she has a crush on has asked her out. I knew about this fellow coworker and how she likes him and originally i was all happy to support her and stuff. But during the last week when she told me this, i was happy for her but something in my heart tells me something's not right.
Sure enough during the last week, i was at the mall and i saw him there with another girl getting lunch. They were holding hands and laughing and just enjoying each other's company in a rather too friendly way. Oddly enough the other girl he was with was another girl who is also a coworker of mine. I don't know what to do...
Should i tell my friend about this? she has the biggest crush on him and thinks he is so nice and stuff but i also don't want to jeopardize our friendship if this news breaks her heart. Plus regardless of what i do i feel like the sideline guy and that sometimes hurts cause originally i had a crush on her but i knew it would never work out cause i already have a great girlfriend whom i love a lot.
Thanks for your advice guys:
I have a bit of a love work problem and i need advice. Here's the situation
I am best best buds with this girl from work . She's younger than me but we get along so well. We always smile at each other at work, we talk easily and we trust each other with our secrets and stuff. We both work in the same area at work and so we are always in the same vicinity as the other.
Anyways being a guy i really care about her and would always be there for her to lend a ear like a friend would . I have a gf though whom i love really much so i know it's not going to work out between us. She assumes we are the best of friends and we are, but anyways the complication comes in where she trusts me so much that she tells me everything about her and stuff. However i'm feeling like i'm on the fence because recently she told me that a fellow coworker whom she has a crush on has asked her out. I knew about this fellow coworker and how she likes him and originally i was all happy to support her and stuff. But during the last week when she told me this, i was happy for her but something in my heart tells me something's not right.
Sure enough during the last week, i was at the mall and i saw him there with another girl getting lunch. They were holding hands and laughing and just enjoying each other's company in a rather too friendly way. Oddly enough the other girl he was with was another girl who is also a coworker of mine. I don't know what to do...
Should i tell my friend about this? she has the biggest crush on him and thinks he is so nice and stuff but i also don't want to jeopardize our friendship if this news breaks her heart. Plus regardless of what i do i feel like the sideline guy and that sometimes hurts cause originally i had a crush on her but i knew it would never work out cause i already have a great girlfriend whom i love a lot.
Thanks for your advice guys:
Comments
Also, your lady friend may misinterpret what you're telling her. I have seen this happen too many times to even give a shit anymore.
Besides she thinks of me as a best friend too.
people are too pampered these days from hurtful things, its not that u wanna hurt her on purpose but she deserves to know, and although it may piss her off or upset her (cuz she wouldn't want to accept reality) later she will probably come to grip with it
i think in the end she will find out sooner or later so why should she get all pumped over this guy. furthermore, what if he tries to play both at the same time, how hurt would she be under those circumstances?
about 2 years ago i was in a similar situation with a girl and i told her not to go for this dude and she got really pissed, heck she flipped me off pretty bad that i was tyrn to "control" her when i was just trying to watch her back, so i gave her my 0.02$ and said fine do it ur way. i ended up being right and she was hurt far worse then she expected, heck then i predicted and theres nothing that can change that but at least i tried
Work place drama, eh.
Also, does your girlfriend know you have a crush on a girl at work?
Since you say you love her, I assume you have a semi-healthy relationship. Unless you are Jerry Springer material, then forget anything logical I might tell you.
In a healthy relationship, you talk about crushes. It establishes trust. By letting your girlfriend know (given she is not super insecure), you are pretty much telling her that there is nothing to worry about. If you feel secure enough that it's JUST A CRUSH to tell your girlfriend about it, then it's not a problem.
Anyhow, I know you were asking, "do I tell or do I not tell?" Please consider this: what would happen if you hadn't seen anything at all? Another person's story isn't yours to tell.
I find it hilarious that you are about to tattle on some guy who's basically doing the same thing you are... except to a different degree.
As long as it's just a crush, then whatever. Work place crushes are work place crushes. But to be honest, it sounds like you are having some real feelings for this work place crush. You shouldn't be saying that you still love your girlfriend. You are being unfair to all three of you be doing so.
We can't help who we love--but we can help what we do about it.
I HAVE A PHD IN SEXUAL RELATIONS
But, if it's because you have feelings for her that you want to tell her than you should try to extract yourself from the situation and let nature take its course.
It really depends on your intent.
Why don't you go ask him if hes dating the other girl, before you go telling her something.
Only if she is not really a good friend or the intentions are different would I not say anything.
What if that other guy really does like her, but had a date with this chick hes only mildly interested in because he doesn't know if this girl likes him or not?
Why bother causing her anxiety over something unless he knows for sure, seems like if he really cares he should just ask the guy since he works with him, and save the guy either lying to the girls face and further hurting her, or avoid hurting both of them.
I feel like the sideline guy who thinks she deserves better but i also see how happy she is whenever we talk about it. I really hate to see her heart get broken by this guy but i also work with this guy and we get along well as coworkers too. Why is love so complicated?
As for my girlfriend, we have been together for about 9 months now and she knows that i care about this girl but we trust each other so much that she knows that she is the only one for me. So we're good on that part since all people have crushes. Heck i even know that she has crushes too and she told me about them cause we know that we are in this relationship for each other.
The other thing she doesn't know is that i care about her so much too taht i hate to see her get hurt in anyway.
As for telling or not, i know it might not seem like my story to tell but i still feel like i wouldn't be a good best friend if i didn't tell her. I mean what if she found out by herself later on and found out that i had the opportunity to have told her. Our friendship could be jeopardized, by that alone because friends look out for one another.
Guess i'll wait and see to see what comes out of it before doing anything drastic. Sigh.... so many complications in liife and love.
what i'm suggesting is for him to tell like it is.. no opinions.. no "i think he's..." kind of crap so there aren't going to be any suggestion/implications involved.. and even if there is one.. the totality of the suggestion/implication is up to the girl's interpretation...that alone is pretty subjective and beyond his control..
I also hate for her to just break down and be emotional if i told her that her first real crush is sneaking around when he asked her out already. She was so happy when she told me that he asked her out. I hate to be the one that took the happiness away from her.
You don't even have to deal with the issue of context, because you can establish it. Do you think he would even tell her the truth if he is a dirtball?
doesnt hurt to ask anyway, if you care about her as much as you say i dont see what you have to lose, you dont have to ask him in an accusatory manner of speaking, as more curious.
all im saying is you dont know the context of what happened, ive held hands and been flirty with guys i wasnt 'steady' with, but obviously there is a chance they are maybe officially going out
it sounds more like he asked your friend out on a date, as opposed to starting a relationship, which seems harmless enough to me
*unless* he is actually going steady with that other chick, then asking your friend out too
If he didnt tell me and I found out later, the hard way, it would affect the trust I had in him. Justin said they confide in each other about everything. This should be no exception. Again, what are friends for. Friends are for gossip, help, support, and most definately stuff like this. If this is in the context of a friend just being a friend and this friend knows the other friend likes this guy then it might be worth mentioning that the guy may have other interests. I mean please, you wouldnt tell your very close friend??????
I dont know many people who wouldnt say anything. I mean assuming the frienship is a close as it is being described.
Think about it. Betrayal is a very hurtful thing. Do you want to be part of that for your friend? Dishonesty always falls out in the end. As long as you are not putting yourself in situations where you are LYING to your friend in the boyfriend's stead, then what is the problem?
And to be honest, when she finally finds out that the guy who she might be dating is also dating around, the first thing she's going to be is angry and hurt. She's not going to think shit like, "why didn't my best friend TELL ME?????"
Trust me. The worst thing to hear from a friend is that your boyfriend is cheating on you. You have two reactions--don't trust your friend; or don't trust your boyfriend. Then you will also be angry. Angry at your friend for having the foresight that you didn't--and angry at your boyfriend for the wrong he caused you.
But, whatevs. If they are merely dating, then it's really not a big deal. People date around. Honestly, don't you have things in life that keep you occupied? I have never heard of a guy this much into drama.
I just don't understand why the majority of you wouldn't even want to check into the situation, or how you don't see that people date multiple at the same time if there is no commitment or a relationship.
Maybe I read into the original post wrong, but all I interpreted was that this guy he saw with another girl, asked his best girly friend out on a date. So morally I don't see anything that is wrong. Or are they already in a commited relationship?
That said, I would say something to my friend, but I'd at least try to make an informed decision about it first.
What if it was just a date the guy was on, and now hes going to tell his best friend and she is going to freak out at the other guy for something that may be somewhat innocent, and maybe as a result he will lose interest, and now both parties are screwed.
I would expect nothing less from my friends. I still think this is being over analyzed. Who said anything about cheating or bad intentions. I just think friends tell each other stuff... stuff like that.