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Friends with Benefits

edited December 2008 in General
So a friend of mine came to me asking me for some advice and I didn't really know the answer for her so i thought i'd post and see what kind of response we get...

My friend has met a guy that she is very sexually attracted to...They have been getting to know each other but she has quite recently gotten out of a long term relationship and so has he...

She is in no way a promiscuous girl, like i said she was in a very long term relationship but she has realized it is too soon for her to get involved in another relationship. However she would like to initiate a friends with benefits relationship with this guy. She knows he's really attracted to her as well and they do have fun together. She is fearful that by proposing this there is a chance that he will lose his respect for her or view her as a "slut" and start treating her differently. Right now she feels that she can be comfortable with him in this situation because he's a gentleman and very respectful...she's worried that will change by her asking something so bold of him.

What do you guys think? How would you feel if you were asked this?

I don't know if her age makes a difference but FYI they are both 24.
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Comments

  • edited December 2008
    Tell her to control her hormones. Oh wait, she's 24, I'd say she fuck the guy, since they both want it.
  • edited December 2008
    Or tell her to come here, I'll do her
  • edited December 2008
    Meh, as long as it's understood, go for it. She should enjoy her youth.
  • edited December 2008
    shouldnt you ask for a picture first Kevin?
  • edited December 2008
    OMG

    it's a bad idea.

    one of them will get attached and the other won't know how to handle it in a mature way and then they will end up hating each other.
    her best bet if she really wants some
    is to get some
    one night
    thats it
    and then never talk to him again
    she's 24
    not getting any younger...
  • edited December 2008
    IMO, if they are both attracted to eachother, why doesn't she just 'make a move' on him instead of asking him str8 up? Maybe they'll end up having a 'not-too-serious' relationship, instead of labeling it as a friends with benefit thing, which doesn't do either of them good.
  • edited December 2008
    you know your libido for someone doesn't come one night and goes away the next day.. so a one night stand isn't gonna cut it for her..she's sexually attracted to this guy..

    hmm... if she decides to initiate this.. she'll first have to confirm if he's indeed sexually attracted to her.. and if this is true.. the question wouldn't seem so out of nature plus if he declines (assuming it's a gentlemanly reason).. she can always work around his libido.. OR get drunk spend the night together... that way she can get a taste of what he's like before committing to this "friends with benefits" relationship plus it's easier to pop the question while you're both still in bed..
  • edited December 2008
    You can't just proposition someone to be a friend with benefits, it has to go something like:

    1) Determine there is mutual attraction / interest
    2) Do it.
    3) After step 2, if they determine it is good (which is not always the case), then it can keep happening, but just mention they are not looking for anything serious

    ...I've never heard of or personally just flat out asked someone, things just happened (maybe there was a push for it to happen)

    Generally, when this happens you don't see other people, but you're just not commited, so in all reality its like a relationship except you know itll end eventually so noone gets too attached.
  • edited December 2008
    Morro;43382 said:
    Meh, as long as it's understood, go for it. She should enjoy her youth.
    Concurred. Heh. :tongue:

    Also, *points* what randomuser said. If I may be scientific about it, it's clear that this has the potential for misinterpretation on both sides; what if one of the two thinks a more romantic relationship will come out of it rather than a satisfaction of physical needs?

    (there's a reason why, if I may be euphemistic, people prefer self-pleasuring at times)
  • edited December 2008
    I say go for it! She just met this guy though... Shouldn't you be friends FIRST before becoming friends with benefits?
  • edited December 2008
    NukeChem;43409 said:
    Concurred. Heh. :tongue:

    Also, *points* what randomuser said. If I may be scientific about it, it's clear that this has the potential for misinterpretation on both sides; what if one of the two thinks a more romantic relationship will come out of it rather than a satisfaction of physical needs?

    (there's a reason why, if I may be euphemistic, people prefer self-pleasuring at times)
    well if you know you're going into a "friends with benefits" kind of relationship.. it's best not to expect anything romantic to come out of it.. or actually expect it to take off into the next level to something more serious... otherwise you're just fucking yourself over.. and if it does get to the point where one party is actually seeking for something more than just the benefits that was initially agreed upon.. that's usually the cue to just end things before it gets complicated.. atleast that's how i see it..
  • edited December 2008
    siuying;43440 said:
    well if you know you're going into a "friends with benefits" kind of relationship.. it's best not to expect anything romantic to come out of it.. or actually expect it to take off into the next level to something more serious... otherwise you're just fucking yourself over.. and if it does get to the point where one party is actually seeking for something more than just the benefits that was initially agreed upon.. that's usually the cue to just end things before it gets complicated.. atleast that's how i see it..
    Sounds like a lady with experience!
  • edited December 2008
    BeachedBliss;43388 said:

    one of them will get attached and the other won't know how to handle it in a mature way and then they will end up hating each other.
    I guess you have a crystal ball.
    BeachedBliss;43388 said:

    her best bet if she really wants some
    is to get some
    one night
    thats it
    and then never talk to him again
    Yes, that sounds much more mature.
    BeachedBliss;43388 said:

    she's 24
    not getting any younger...
    In 10 years or so, you can look back at this and realize how stupid that statement is.

    Phil
  • edited December 2008
    As already mentioned too, unless its a gas-n-go type arrangement, someone will eventually get attached, in spite of both people making it clear that its not a relationship.
  • edited December 2008
    it was all sarcasm.
  • edited December 2008
    a per example
    Seinfeld episode where Jerry and Elaine start doing it again with the no obligation to spend the night clause (in the spirit of the holidays)

    ....yes... t.v. advice is real ....
  • edited December 2008
    She is 24 already. I am pretty sure she more than capable of being responsible.
  • edited December 2008
    Student0667;43486 said:
    She is 24 already. I am pretty sure she more than capable of being responsible.
    Doubt it.

    Age isn't an indicator of how responsible a person is.
  • edited December 2008
    mrbubbles;43491 said:
    Doubt it.

    Age isn't an indicator of how responsible a person is.
    Let's give her the benefit of the doubt. Besides, she is 24 years old, we have no right to judge her.
  • edited December 2008
    Why? I judge people all the time, and then I tell them what I think, while staring and them and making them feel worse about themselves. Does that make me a bad person? I think not.
  • edited December 2008
    not at all a bad person... it makes you the epitome of awesome.
    there should be more people like you

    and tucker max

    tuckermax.com
  • edited December 2008
    DaNoobie;43441 said:
    Sounds like a lady with experience!
    and.. your point?
    Student0667;43492 said:
    Let's give her the benefit of the doubt. Besides, she is 24 years old, we have no right to judge her.
    either judge or be judged.. a 24 year old (or whatever the age) doesn't grant you an exemption to that.. she is judged the moment she asked about friends with benefits..
  • edited December 2008
    Tell her to geeeet some.

    A) Just met him. It's like not he's her best friend, so why worry about whether they'll stay friends after.

    B) Do they have mutual friends? Is this why she's worried about looking like a sluthoebag?

    C) Geeet some!

    D) She single. He's single. There is mutual attraction. Smack some mutual understanding in there as well as some mutual assurance that they are both clean... and then GEEEET SOME!
  • edited December 2008
    *is trying not to vicariously send too much encouragement but is giggling at Lixie's manic go-for-it-ness*
  • IVTIVT
    edited December 2008
    Lixie;43554 said:
    Tell her to geeeet some.

    A) Just met him. It's like not he's her best friend, so why worry about whether they'll stay friends after.

    B) Do they have mutual friends? Is this why she's worried about looking like a sluthoebag?

    C) Geeet some!

    D) She single. He's single. There is mutual attraction. Smack some mutual understanding in there as well as some mutual assurance that they are both clean... and then GEEEET SOME!
    and if he wants to stick it in her pooper? :wink:
  • edited December 2008
    oh men i can't stop laughing....u know how stupid it is?.....it s like a bunch of old ladies who are so bored with they re life and start giving advices......i mean read again the first post..with i have a friend who like another friend bla bla bla...bla bla...... is just plain stupid
  • edited December 2008
    Well, when we're not on IRC, what else are we supposed to do? :P
  • edited December 2008
    lisa T;43559 said:
    oh men i can't stop laughing....u know how stupid it is?.....it s like a bunch of old ladies who are so bored with they re life and start giving advices......i mean read again the first post..with i have a friend who like another friend bla bla bla...bla bla...... is just plain stupid
    HELLO, welcomes at Canada! English are languages we am speak on here!
  • IVTIVT
    edited December 2008
    Morro;43564 said:
    HELLO, welcomes at Canada! English are languages we am speak on here!
    quit making fun of Richmond:angry:
  • edited December 2008
    Yeah! Meanie! I lived there once. :teeth:

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