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Gossiping about relatives’ relationship?
Hey guys, what do you think about relatives who gossip about your relationships? Do you think that it is a total disrespect toward you and your partner’s privacy and a major hindrance to making any progress? Or is it just an unavoidable part of a relationship?
While I admit that I am not guiltless when it comes to this (look what I am doing right now), I am asking this because I would consider myself to be very moderate if you compare my gossip to that of my relatives.
Basically, I had this cousin who had been dating this girl since December 2005. When I first found out, I was like, “whatever.” However, I got this aunt from Toronto (let’s call her Auntie L) who, after meeting the girl, hated her for some reason. I don’t know if it is because her husband cheated on her and she is bitter or something, but she started saying a lot of bad things about the girl behind the couple’s back. Her attitude toward the girl would spread to other family members in Toronto.
Fast forward to Summer 2008/ my second eldest cousin’s wedding (Yes, the one I didn’t want to go). My cousin’s girlfriend was invited (more like my cousin’s mom/ my aunt invited her to come along). Thanks to Auntie L, every aunt in Toronto started saying bad things about my cousin’s girlfriend behind the couple’s back. Once again, I don’t know why, probably because 2 out 3 of my aunts in Toronto are divorced and the last one is just a *itch. I don’t think the couple realized this and I am glad they don’t know. They were together for so long that I am starting to worry that they may get married and I have to waste yet another summer semester.
Fast forward to October, the unthinkable happen: They broke up. I found out about this on Facebook and I was talking about this with my cousin Rachel. Here is what she has to say…
I just don't understand what is wrong with my relatives. They hated the girl. Personally, I found the girl is ok, not my type, but she is ok. She goes to church, still goes to school (college), and is not a bad girl pre-se (doesn’t smoke, drink, and do drugs, that sort of thing). Why are they so against her? After all this, I have decided that if I am in a relationship, I will do everything I can to keep my relatives in the dark. I am talking about total blackout, meaning no Facebook status update, no uploading pictures of us together, no adding her on phonebook, no pictures on the wall and wallet...
What do you guys think? Are my relatives just assholes that have too much time on their hand? Or are they just bitter that they were divorced? Have any of you guys dealt with similar situations?
While I admit that I am not guiltless when it comes to this (look what I am doing right now), I am asking this because I would consider myself to be very moderate if you compare my gossip to that of my relatives.
Basically, I had this cousin who had been dating this girl since December 2005. When I first found out, I was like, “whatever.” However, I got this aunt from Toronto (let’s call her Auntie L) who, after meeting the girl, hated her for some reason. I don’t know if it is because her husband cheated on her and she is bitter or something, but she started saying a lot of bad things about the girl behind the couple’s back. Her attitude toward the girl would spread to other family members in Toronto.
Fast forward to Summer 2008/ my second eldest cousin’s wedding (Yes, the one I didn’t want to go). My cousin’s girlfriend was invited (more like my cousin’s mom/ my aunt invited her to come along). Thanks to Auntie L, every aunt in Toronto started saying bad things about my cousin’s girlfriend behind the couple’s back. Once again, I don’t know why, probably because 2 out 3 of my aunts in Toronto are divorced and the last one is just a *itch. I don’t think the couple realized this and I am glad they don’t know. They were together for so long that I am starting to worry that they may get married and I have to waste yet another summer semester.
Fast forward to October, the unthinkable happen: They broke up. I found out about this on Facebook and I was talking about this with my cousin Rachel. Here is what she has to say…
I just don't understand what is wrong with my relatives. They hated the girl. Personally, I found the girl is ok, not my type, but she is ok. She goes to church, still goes to school (college), and is not a bad girl pre-se (doesn’t smoke, drink, and do drugs, that sort of thing). Why are they so against her? After all this, I have decided that if I am in a relationship, I will do everything I can to keep my relatives in the dark. I am talking about total blackout, meaning no Facebook status update, no uploading pictures of us together, no adding her on phonebook, no pictures on the wall and wallet...
What do you guys think? Are my relatives just assholes that have too much time on their hand? Or are they just bitter that they were divorced? Have any of you guys dealt with similar situations?
Comments
There are members of my family whom I love dearly, and would do anything for. There are others who's gums I wouldn't piss on if their mouth was on fire. Act accordingly depending on which category they fit in.
Phil
Also, how old is Rachel? Do people still chat like that? LIKE OMG
I just think that they are excessively harsh and unreasonable. This is the reason why I am not as close to them as before.
It was rough in the beginning because they were pretty rude to him and I, now they just don't acknowledge us at family gatherings. It could have potentially broken us up, but so far so good! I agree though, families should most definitely stay out of relationships.
People can be idiotic for no reason. That's just how it is.
Another thing, I find East Asians to be very judgmental. Always brush on the good side during first impression. The first impression last forever. Once they look at you the wrong way, it's hard to turn it around, and you won't know it, they hide it well. I'm appalled teenagers (and most young adults) still talk like that, I thought it all died out when I left high school. Jealousy is particular hard to deal with. Jealousy doesn't go away when you raise the issue reasonably with perps. It only goes away when the source of jealousy is gone.
The important thing is that you have the balls to tell all your Chinese relatives that they can shove it when it comes to the one you are really serious about. The good thing with my extended family is that they all love me (my older cousin and I are the only girls out of twelve grandchildren). All my aunts are excited whenever I do tell them about a boyfriend; they won't even care who he is. They want me to get married as soon as possible.
This is due to because they don't have any daughters to plan weddings with or do dress shopping or what not. And they KNOW my mother is too much of a butch to do anything like that for me. Also my older cousin has fiercely declared she'd never get married, so I'm their only hope at wedding planning.
Don't you just love huge families with interesting cultural backgrounds?
but on the flip side student.. atleast they're doing this to people outside the family.. imagine them doing this to other family members.. cause like phil mentioned.. you can't choose family members.. so you're going to be listening to all that gossip about your family members for the rest of your life... now THAT's sad..=(
Besides, I notice that Rachel does have thing for my male cousin, at least until he started dating the girl. I sure hope that this will not break you two up, because that would suck. I can't imagine what would happen if my male cousin and his ex found out about all these talking behind their back when they were dating and they broke up as a result. He is going to disown us... Well, when I confronted my aunts about this, they said that they are doing this for my male cousin's own good and I should "not find a girlfriend like her." If they are doing this for my male cousin's own good, when don't they grow a pair and tell my male cousin up front?