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Need a Translator for a CrackBook Message
I'm surprised about the negativity in this thread. I did not realize that this would gather up such heated responses. Especially towards me, personally. The purpose was more to talk about the strange ways the opposite gender interacts with each other. I thought this was thread-worthy material...
This does piss me off. I am not the first person here to talk about relationship issues such as this. Some of you are good people... but others who call me a bitch, childish, etc. here's a big "fuck you". I double-dog-dare (that's right... one of the highest orders of daring) to tell me that to my face at the next meet-up. For example, I remember someone started a thread about asking a girl out on friendster and he didn't get such negative feedback.
Of course, talking about relationship issues is touchy because the only two people who know what happened in the relationship were the two people in it! It's impossible to get the full back-story...
I honestly didn't think I was being childish by posting this. I thought I was going to gain some insight and start an interesting discussion. I am a n00b when it comes to dealing with long-term ex's and sometimes it's nice hearing stranger's opinions on matters like this. Friends can be way too biased.
I bet other people wanted to talk about past relationship issues like this and read some of the responses I have received, they would not do it. That's not the way to treat people... regardless if they're strangers on the internet or not!
I wasn't quite sure if I should have posted this or not since I already knew that I was probably not going to respond to him. I just didn't know if this was the RIGHT thing to do. Sometimes when emotions come into play, it fucks everything up. I was kind of nervous to post something like this because... well it's kind of personal. But others have posted things just as personal (i.e. "buttsex") and I'm a risktaker so I thought "what the hell, why not? it'll make an interesting discussion".
At this moment, I am regretting starting this thread. I didn't want to login to TalkSFU and read this thread and see people bashing me over the internet. Nobody wants that. Granted, I can take constructive criticism but most of the guys who have answered this thread are not giving that. They're flat out slamming me.
I am wondering why the fuck some guys had such emotionally charged answers to this thread. Were you at one point in the same situation in the guy's shoes? Are you pissed off at that girl who didn't respond to you? Are you pissed off at some girl that you liked that didn't want to go out with you and just are taking it out on me?
I guess I had to learn this the hard way, didn't I? Given the history between my ex and I, it's different situation than say when you were in high school and an ex (who you dated for one month) messaged you to ask how you were doing.
I know my ex is not messaging me just to see how I am doing. I wish communication between ex's was really that simple, but it's not. Maybe for some of your past situations, it was but this situation given the history it's not. He has played games like this before with his other ex's.
I was considering not telling a single soul about the message and just deleting them... but then in the future, I know that I would have always wondered that maybe I did the wrong thing and didn't handle it as well as I could have. I should trust my instincts but since I allowed myself to be mistreated by this guy in the past, I don't fully trust them.
So thanks to those of you who responded and didn't personally attack me because you helped me realize that I should trust my instincts more.
This does piss me off. I am not the first person here to talk about relationship issues such as this. Some of you are good people... but others who call me a bitch, childish, etc. here's a big "fuck you". I double-dog-dare (that's right... one of the highest orders of daring) to tell me that to my face at the next meet-up. For example, I remember someone started a thread about asking a girl out on friendster and he didn't get such negative feedback.
Of course, talking about relationship issues is touchy because the only two people who know what happened in the relationship were the two people in it! It's impossible to get the full back-story...
I honestly didn't think I was being childish by posting this. I thought I was going to gain some insight and start an interesting discussion. I am a n00b when it comes to dealing with long-term ex's and sometimes it's nice hearing stranger's opinions on matters like this. Friends can be way too biased.
I bet other people wanted to talk about past relationship issues like this and read some of the responses I have received, they would not do it. That's not the way to treat people... regardless if they're strangers on the internet or not!
I wasn't quite sure if I should have posted this or not since I already knew that I was probably not going to respond to him. I just didn't know if this was the RIGHT thing to do. Sometimes when emotions come into play, it fucks everything up. I was kind of nervous to post something like this because... well it's kind of personal. But others have posted things just as personal (i.e. "buttsex") and I'm a risktaker so I thought "what the hell, why not? it'll make an interesting discussion".
At this moment, I am regretting starting this thread. I didn't want to login to TalkSFU and read this thread and see people bashing me over the internet. Nobody wants that. Granted, I can take constructive criticism but most of the guys who have answered this thread are not giving that. They're flat out slamming me.
I am wondering why the fuck some guys had such emotionally charged answers to this thread. Were you at one point in the same situation in the guy's shoes? Are you pissed off at that girl who didn't respond to you? Are you pissed off at some girl that you liked that didn't want to go out with you and just are taking it out on me?
I guess I had to learn this the hard way, didn't I? Given the history between my ex and I, it's different situation than say when you were in high school and an ex (who you dated for one month) messaged you to ask how you were doing.
I know my ex is not messaging me just to see how I am doing. I wish communication between ex's was really that simple, but it's not. Maybe for some of your past situations, it was but this situation given the history it's not. He has played games like this before with his other ex's.
I was considering not telling a single soul about the message and just deleting them... but then in the future, I know that I would have always wondered that maybe I did the wrong thing and didn't handle it as well as I could have. I should trust my instincts but since I allowed myself to be mistreated by this guy in the past, I don't fully trust them.
So thanks to those of you who responded and didn't personally attack me because you helped me realize that I should trust my instincts more.
Comments
He either:
a) misses you
b) wants to be your friend
c) needs a new booty call
I'm in the same situation as you right now.
i personally think its some stupid macho thing that guys tend to do, i bet if you changed your profile status to in a relationship he would stop looking at your profile in a few days
just whatever you do DO NOT WRITE HIM BACK! or if you want to, at least wait several days if not up to two weeks, this way he knows you have your own life and he cant control it in anyway
i just recently removed an ex from my facebook friends i had lingering feelings for and im glad. i would occasionally check his profile to see if his new girlfriend was better looking and stupid stuff like that, its so embarassing, for my own dignity i got rid of him so i couldnt view his profile anymore
i have friends who always look at their exes walls in jealousy and stuff
just whatever you do do not message him back, if you want to wait a week or so and message him back, send him a really non chalant message that doesnt even answer any questions he may have asked you
But it was usually me that ended things because I was weird like that then, lol
He wants to be friends with you and you decide to ignore and block him? Just cause you're not dating anymore doesn't mean you can't be friends.
What does he want with you? Maybe he's not a shallow, selfish, manipulative bitch and wants to be friends.
And in the context of the situation it does seem like he only wants to talk for his own selfish ambitions.
Me thinks we have a relationship virgin responding ? :angel:
One of my ex's kept this one word that only me and him could understand in his MSN name for a good 10 months after we broke up, and left me messages saying he loves me etc. ....And that he wants us to be friends again.
But, I moved on so I didn't reply back or when I saw him at school, pretended he was invisible. That's the best option.
You have the power right now, so if you don't want to be his friend, don't do it.
Losng him wasn't a big deal, so obviously gaining him won't give you any benefit either so I say don't even bother with him.
then what some of u are implying: just to subtly hint it through ur actions ie - dont call him back for a long time if you do, why is the OP even posting this if she really has moved on and doesn't care? if you don't then i don't see how its such a hard situation to handle, whats there to interpret about his fb message if you don't give a shit?
guys are dumb and a lot of them have big egos, if you don't let em know they think somethings still going on, and in this case, maybe there is, so ill stand by my statement in stop being a lg, if you dont want any part of him, tell it to his face, or else stop giving him subtle hints here and there just because you love the attention
One) What is a 'lg'
Two) Guys play games more than girls do, guys can never just say what they want or mean. If she responds then she is suckered into his 'game', he didnt treat her well before and isnt about to change, by responding back to him he has the power, he just wants his pride back and nothing else
Three) There is no good reason to be friends with an ex, in future relationships this will be a GIANT problem when you have to explain why still hang out with them
Four) Exes are exes for a reason
back on topic.. i think it's okay to message him back.. just to say hello and be civilized.. if he pushes.. tell him that you've moved on.. and if he keeps on pushing then you have more than enough grounds to ignore him then.. which is better imo since there's no need to blacklist him on the spot just cause he msged you.. rather than trying to figure out what he wants.. grab a shovel and dig for your answer..
you posted originally asking whether you should message him back, meaning you were considering it, yet you claim you want no part of him and you havnt contacted him for a long time, dont see anything good coming out of it yada yada yada
all I'm saying is, if you didn't love the attention and really wanted this guy completely out of your life, common sense would be telling him to fuck off so he gets the message, rather than keeping him guessing
how is that giving him his pride back? by telling him to fuck off and this would be ur last contact with him and that u really don't want any part of him and would apreciate if he would stop bothering you
yes... I would be sooo delighted to hear that and would feel like a big man after :S
and for the guys play more games than girls? oh paleeeez tell me you don't buy that
think back to elementary, all the boys were transparant, if they liked a girl the girl would know right away, yet the boys would be constantly guessing
girls would do stupid shit like tell their friends of friends to let the guys know, or start rumors, so when the guy actually finds out, hes confused as fuck, now tell me how often a guy goes through so much drama and trouble to show a girl the simple fact that hes interested in her... Im sure i could write pages of examples
plus, the majority of girls love to play mind games, they love guys that create suspense, are unpredicatble and aren't easy, the majority of guys dont enjoy this childish shit but do it because they know it works better than being upfront
Just ignore the message. That's what I would do.
Guys play the worst kind of games, girls only play hard to get and shit because guys will pull out the 'needy' card and then go around telling all his friends shes crazy and needy.
Telling him to fuck off just tells him she wants to talk to him, never talking to them again works way better. I've seen guys toy with girls like they are nothing, having girls on the side and strining another girl along like he actually cares, girls do that way less.
Just cause you're not having sex with each other anymore doesn't mean you have to break off all relations with him.
You even went as far as deleting his phone number!? Blocking his e-mail!? Ignoring his calls!? You could at least reply.
It just makes you look like a bitch, which you probably are.
Y'all need to remember that this is just a PERSON asking for advice on the INTERNET. Just because she makes choices according to HER understanding of her OWN personality and relationship, it doesn't mean she's being a bitch. If you are calling her a bitch, or an idiot, or whichever, for doing what's she's done up to now, then you are one ignorant fuck.
When someone asks for advice FROM STRANGERS RATHER THAN FRIENDS, it's usually because they just need somewhere to let it out, not for real, substantial advice. So don't be surprised if she keeps updating you guys with decisions that you all might take as stupid or bitchy... because YOUR OPINIONS OF HOW SHE HANDLES HER LIFE ULTIMATELY DOESN'T MATTER.
K thx!
have u ever been in a relationship?
Did you guys seriously graduate high school?
UNDERSTAND THIS: Whether male a female, liars still exist. Because I am female, it doesn't mean I'm more prone to lie than a male, VICE VERSA. A liar is more likely to lie than a non-liar...
EASY PEASY.
end story
so "fuck off" means you care enough about the guy as oppose to not responding means not caring at all, therefore fuck off is better than no answer?
ok I think that pretty much sums up which gender plays more games
This is all pretty childish. Next you'll be telling her to tell Tammy to tell Jackie that she totally likes Billy!
Adults don't do this shit. Or, at least, they shouldn't. If you want to talk to him, talk to him. Otherwise, don't. Don't scheme and project and hypothesize about what that conveys about your blah, blah, blah.
have i made it clear enough?
BTW if you are reading this thread for the first time, I actually did write about my situation in the first post when I started the thread. I just edited it right now to my response to the other responses in this thread.