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Trust

edited August 2008 in General
Do you find you trust people easily or have trouble trusting others?

Have you ever had someone do something so bad to you in the past that, on some level, you feel like you arent over it and it affects how you trust people now?

Just curious.
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Comments

  • edited April 2008
    baby e;27291 said:
    Do you find you trust people easily or have trouble trusting others?
    After high school, I tend to see the worse in people and find it very hard to trust anybody unless they have a stack of certificates and references to back him/ her claim up.
    Have you ever had someone do something so bad to you in the past that, on some level, you feel like you arent over it and it affects how you trust people now?
    Well, there is that one time... Well, it is not that big of a deal and I am not too bitter about it now that I looked back. Back to the story...

    There was this one girl back in high school who I THINK I like. She and I was supposed to meet to review for our provincials. However, she no-showed and I was kind of upset about it. I tried to talk to her and asked what happened on the day of the provincial, but she arrived late and finished early. I haven't seen her since then. Who knows, maybe she is typing away in the TalkKwanten or TalkLangara forum saying that I was the one that messed up.

    I am pretty much over this already. However, whenever I was scheduled to meet someone or some group I don't know, I tend to arrive early, hide away, and see rather they would actually show up or not. I don't want to look like an idiot waiting for someone that never come. For example, I actually did this during the first TalkSFU meet up. I arrived 15 minutes early and spend time snooping around in the Office Depot while starring at the BP's entrace and see rather anyone resembling TalkSFU member show up.
  • edited April 2008
    Student0667;27295 said:
    I am pretty much over this already. However, whenever I was scheduled to meet someone or some group I don't know, I tend to arrive early, hide away, and see rather they would actually show up or not. I don't want to look like an idiot waiting for someone that never come. For example, I actually did this during the first TalkSFU meet up. I arrived 15 minutes early and spend time snooping around in the Office Depot while starring at the BP's entrace and see rather anyone resembling TalkSFU member show up.
    I've had my fair share of flakers... but I never really took it to heart... then again, I guess it wasn't as 'personal' as your experience you could say.

    In my case, I don't trust anyone too easily, but that doesn't mean it's hard for me to trust anyone either. I'm pretty picky about who I trust, and if I decide they have enough merit for me to trust them after a certain amount of time, then I'll try it out.

    I'm sure something in the past has affected my trust preferences, but I can't think of any atm at this hour lol.
  • edited April 2008
    you know, flakers or late ppls have never made me not trust people

    I trust and I don't trust. I'm very very weird. Some people just absolutely get the wall from me while some others I open up. I don't know what makes me differ between them but meh
  • edited April 2008
    There was also another incident that took place during my high school acting days... Basically, my boss (the student director) was upset that we (by we I mean they, the main casts and not us, the bipedal background decorations) messed up big time during the performance the night before (don't ask). She therefore demanded that we arrived two hours early to have another run through the play. The problem is that she didn't show up and a fellow cast member had to drive me home (yes, I don't have my N at that time). When she did arrived, I actually asked her about this and she said she was only kidding.

    As a result of this incident, I tend to be quite skeptical of people's orders and decisions, even if they look dead serious when they made it. Seriously, just read the transcript and you can see how serious my boss/ director was and how hilarious it was as the same time.

    My Boss bursting through curtain.

    Boss: Guys, what the fuck was that?
    "I smoke some cock?" (It was suppose to be "I smoke some pot." Is a line from the play, also written by her.)
    I want all of you to come here two hours early tomorrow to have another run.

    Me staring at her skeptically, she didn't notice.
  • edited April 2008
    I put too much faith in people actually, (faith and trust in my case go hand in hand), and I'm always let down in the end.


    So yeah, i do have issues trusting people now.
  • edited April 2008
    Hmm, I know you guys are talking about a more deeper level of trust but I've always been curious.

    How much do you guys trust other SFU students? I find it odd somehow that people can leave their laptops and books on tables for quite a while. I mean, sometimes I leave my things in the library carrels when I go to the washroom but only cuz I'm really quick. Although I don't think I'll do it anymore after seeing this
  • edited April 2008
    I don't have trouble trusting others but I try try to keep a "back door" just in case I trusted the wrong person.

    Usually, I just trust close family members.
  • edited April 2008
    vaka;27318 said:
    Hmm, I know you guys are talking about a more deeper level of trust but I've always been curious.

    How much do you guys trust other SFU students? I find it odd somehow that people can leave their laptops and books on tables for quite a while. I mean, sometimes I leave my things in the library carrels when I go to the washroom but only cuz I'm really quick. Although I don't think I'll do it anymore after seeing this
    During lecture, I will leave my stuff there if I am stepping out quickly to grab a coffee or go to the washroom. However, if there is a break during a lecture I will grab all of my stuff if I leave the lecture hall. If I am at the library I always take my stuff with me, even if I am just going to the washroom.

    I am very careful with my trust. In the past, I have been very closed. Now, I am more of an open book but only to a select few. There are still some things though that I am not very open about... some issues to me are just meant to be private and shared only with best friends (in my case this is my family too as my mom is one of my best friends).
  • edited April 2008
    I don't think there are many students who would sink to the level of stealing other people's bags or belongings so I am a little lax when it comes to leaving my stuff lying around on tables. Most of the other people in the area are there for the same reason as you... to study. When it comes to trusting other SFU students, I think we do share a common understanding which becomes a lot more apparent when you bump into SFU students outside of school.

    To the OP...on a subconscious level, people who have broken your trust in the past DO affect the level of trust you give to other people going forward. It's like a bubble you sorround yourself with. The more you've been hurt in the past, the smaller the bubble becomes. I like to trust family more than my friends because in the end, thats who really has your best interests in mind.
  • edited April 2008
    I always doubt the other people, and try to guess what their true intentions are.

    I had pretty bad childhood though, and the past experience has affected my ability to take anyone at face value.
  • edited April 2008
    i wouldnt leave my stuff alone on a table at SFU, i thought about this the other day and it wouldnt surprise me if someone would jack one of my textbooks and try to sell it
  • edited April 2008
    randomuser;27351 said:
    i wouldnt leave my stuff alone on a table at SFU, i thought about this the other day and it wouldnt surprise me if someone would jack one of my textbooks and try to sell it
    Textbooks are worth a lot these days... maybe not to the person but market value! Seriously! $300 for a textbook? *dies
  • edited April 2008
    I always take all my stuff even when buying something or going to the washroom.

    Some people would ask another student to look after their stuff while they go do their thing which I think is not a bad idea. Just make sure the person you ask to look after your stuff looks like an honest person.
  • edited April 2008
    vonnie;27352 said:
    Textbooks are worth a lot these days... maybe not to the person but market value! Seriously! $300 for a textbook? *dies
    that's why I never bring textbooks to school
  • edited April 2008
    i trust in whom ever i put trust in to fail me :P
  • edited April 2008
    Hmmm interesting responses. Good to know im not alone.

    I do not trust people at all. I have had people do some pretty lousy things to me in the past....back when i was super trusting and thought that no one could do any harm. The thing is tho, i dont trust anyone. I only trust myself, cuz really, im the only person that i can 100% trust.

    I mean, i dunno tho, cuz i dont even trust my bf fully. I always wonder if one day he'll just screw me over and cheat on me or something. Its really bad and i really hate feeling like that about him cuz trust is very important in a relationship.

    As for the leaving stuff at SFU thing, i leave my stuff in lecture if i go to the bathroom or something on a break. I dont take everything with me cuz im afraid someone will take my seat, lol....and im really picky about where i sit in class. I always take my purse with me tho, ALWAYS. But i am so worried when i leave my laptop in class, im like peeing in the bathroom and all i can think about is: "omg hurry hurry hurry, what if someone takes it????" I dont trust people at school at all. Hell, ive walked by tables where people have left their stuff out and they're nowhere in sight and its just like, my god it would be so easy to take that. I never have, but imagine someone who actually would!
  • edited April 2008
    baby e;27365 said:
    Hmmm interesting responses. Good to know im not alone.

    I do not trust people at all. I have had people do some pretty lousy things to me in the past....back when i was super trusting and thought that no one could do any harm. The thing is tho, i dont trust anyone. I only trust myself, cuz really, im the only person that i can 100% trust.
    most people learn through their own mistakes
    but the lesson to learn is to question other's trust (and maybe even test them) to see if their trust worthy, not trusting people and only urself is a mistake in itself (see next point)
    baby e;27365 said:

    I mean, i dunno tho, cuz i dont even trust my bf fully. I always wonder if one day he'll just screw me over and cheat on me or something. Its really bad and i really hate feeling like that about him cuz trust is very important in a relationship.
    if he’s done nothing wrong in the past and he acts like he cares about you, then plz spare him and urself these trust issues
    ive been in relationships where my other half didn’t trust me and it sucks balls esp when all u do is try to make them happy then u get some crap arguments and useless fights with them over absolutely nothing cuz they "thought" something that’s way off
    live for today enjoy what you have and think positive for the future (not dreams that ull live haply ever after with ur bf) because u can’t predict the future but he hopeful, while at the same time don’t be too pessimistic because it will show up in how u treat him and I’m sure if hes done nothing to u nor would do it would probably be very offensive that u would not trust him ;)
  • edited April 2008
    bufli;27373 said:
    if he’s done nothing wrong in the past and he acts like he cares about you, then plz spare him and urself these trust issues
    ive been in relationships where my other half didn’t trust me and it sucks balls esp when all u do is try to make them happy then u get some crap arguments and useless fights with them over absolutely nothing cuz they "thought" something that’s way off
    live for today enjoy what you have and think positive for the future (not dreams that ull live haply ever after with ur bf) because u can’t predict the future but he hopeful, while at the same time don’t be too pessimistic because it will show up in how u treat him and I’m sure if hes done nothing to u nor would do it would probably be very offensive that u would not trust him ;)
    He's done nothing wrong as far as i know. Hes a great guy, but i cant help but have it in the back of my head. Hes admitted to cheating on ex gf's and that makes me uneasy to say the least. I just dont want to miss the warning signs that i so obviously missed with my ex bf that screwed me over. But deep down i think i know that hes a great guy that would never do anything to me, but it really worries me.

    But i do understand what you're talking about it. But its not just him, it would be any guy....i just cant trust guys very easily anymore. And it sucks, cuz its almost like im letting my ex bf win cuz he's the whole reason why im feeling this way. Im not good with trust anymore and its kinda sad cuz i used to be really trusting of others. :(
  • edited April 2008
    well u can’t be really trusting either right, there is always that sweet spot u gotta try and land
    and look @ it this way, if u guys break up, or anyone for the matter, in the end its for the best right? i mean would u rather be in a relationship with trust issues and arguing / having certain doubts about the person? i doubt it, so if the inevitable happens learn from it and move on, don’t let them win by being down remember "everyone falls down, it's just how quick we get up that counts"
    and i kno thats ezyer said than done
    but out of every “bad” thing come something good ;)
  • edited April 2008
    heres the deal

    anyone will cheat on anyone given the situation is right it's human nature, if someone can get away with it they will do it

    that said, someone can choose not to put themselves into tempting situations, but once in those situations i think a lot of people are going to give into temptation--i think the desire to sleep with other people will always be there, which is something to worry about, but what you should worry about is whether he is willing to avoid those situations

    i firmly believe anyone can be a cheater put in the right situation, some may resist more than others but thats my two cents

    probably not much help but theres not much of a point in worrying
  • edited April 2008
    randomuser;27388 said:
    heres the deal

    anyone will cheat on anyone given the situation is right it's human nature, if someone can get away with it they will do it

    that said, someone can choose not to put themselves into tempting situations, but once in those situations i think a lot of people are going to give into temptation--i think the desire to sleep with other people will always be there, which is something to worry about, but what you should worry about is whether he is willing to avoid those situations

    i firmly believe anyone can be a cheater put in the right situation, some may resist more than others but thats my two cents

    probably not much help but theres not much of a point in worrying

    i fully disagree here... ya i can see how a lot of people might under certain situations, but again it doesn’t hold for everyone
  • edited April 2008
    yes i have trust issues..

    way back i had two of my best friends who i trusted completely violated that trust.. long story short.. the whole friendship was a setup.. they both hated me from the start and wanted to know me so they could spread gossip (which they still do now) and make it a believable truth.. so yeah you can imagine my trust took quite the beating..

    so now.. i don't trust anyone but myself.. i've learned that anyone can betray you because they have no obligations to be trustworthy in the first place.. and it got to the point that i mentally forced myself to prepare/anticipate that one day my family might do the same.. because family members are also humans.. so yeah.. i do have major trust issues.. =)
  • edited April 2008
    siuying;27396 said:
    yes i have trust issues..

    way back i had two of my best friends who i trusted completely violated that trust.. long story short.. the whole friendship was a setup.. they both hated me from the start and wanted to know me so they could spread gossip (which they still do now) and make it a believable truth.. so yeah you can imagine my trust took quite the beating..
    FINALLY something that sparked my thoughts.

    I had a best friend for 12 years. Ever since elementary school. I went out with this guy, then I broke up with him. He started getting weird, so I stopped talking to him, and started to hate him all together. I trusted her to be my best friend, and not even associate with him either...

    Turns out they started going out behind my back.
    12 years of friendship doesn't mean anything eh?

    YEAH. Well, it's safe to say I don't have a best friend anymore, and won't for a long time. All I have is the BF, which I'm perfectly happy with. So there.
  • edited April 2008
    siuying;27396 said:
    way back i had two of my best friends who i trusted completely violated that trust.. long story short.. the whole friendship was a setup.. they both hated me from the start and wanted to know me so they could spread gossip (which they still do now) and make it a believable truth.. so yeah you can imagine my trust took quite the beating..
    Ohh, sorry to hear this. So much for my belief that my graduation year was the year of the backstabbers and machiavellians.
    vonnie;27405 said:
    Turns out they started going out behind my back.
    12 years of friendship doesn't mean anything eh?

    YEAH. Well, it's safe to say I don't have a best friend anymore, and won't for a long time. All I have is the BF, which I'm perfectly happy with. So there.
    Hate you disagree on this one. I don't not believe that friends are obligated to follow your taste in relationship. Therefore, I believe that she has a right to go out with the guy you hate. Sure, you can voice your disagreement about her choices, however you should not stop her form pursuing that relations.

    Unless of course the guy was a violent, abusive psycho and you nearly lost your life in that relationship, then you better tell her to stay away.
  • edited April 2008
    @vonnie: yeah.. i took out the best out of friends after that.. from now on.. friends are just... friends.. saves me from the upset and the mental toll..

    @student: nah.. i should thank them for opening my eyes.. i would think i might pay a higher consequence if i had learned this later... and don't worry.. it happens every year.. =) i keep in touch with people younger than me and they all went through similar things during their grad year.. so i'm pretty sure it's a normal thing..

    btw..would i get flamed for saying i trust my money more than guys in general? =\
  • edited April 2008
    siuying;27409 said:
    would i get flamed for saying i trust my money more than guys in general?
    Well, from a pragmatic standpoint, trust in money is somewhat valid because you at least get something physical out of the relationship in the event that it was a total betrayal. Therefore, it is not a total lost.

    This is why I kind of like the ancient Roman system of exchanging sons between Rome's elites and the barbarian elites to deter wars or betrayal.
    i keep in touch with people younger than me and they all went through similar things during their grad year.. so i'm pretty sure it's a normal thing..
    Speaking of grad years, I once heard this pretty funny story from this girl...

    There was this one high school couple and they have been going out of a while. In their grad year, the girl was accepted into some university while the guy didn't. The guy lied to the girl that he did get accepted so she would accept the admission offer and stuff. At the end of the year where most of the grads would gather at a bonfire on the beach wearing the clothes of their perspective post-secondary institute, the guy arrive with nothing. The girl was pissed and the relationship ended.
  • edited April 2008
    vonnie;27405 said:
    FINALLY something that sparked my thoughts.

    I had a best friend for 12 years. Ever since elementary school. I went out with this guy, then I broke up with him. He started getting weird, so I stopped talking to him, and started to hate him all together. I trusted her to be my best friend, and not even associate with him either...

    Turns out they started going out behind my back.
    12 years of friendship doesn't mean anything eh?

    YEAH. Well, it's safe to say I don't have a best friend anymore, and won't for a long time. All I have is the BF, which I'm perfectly happy with. So there.
    ya women are like that
    omg i hate to always post these Chris Rock vids but he says it like it is!
    Women hate women:
    http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoID=2018280463

    Women hate Women
    take any two girlfriends’ in this room, been girlfriends for 25 years, you put a man in between them 'fuck that bitch'
    women hate women
    guys aren’t like that,
    guys actually think there are other fish in the sea
    if a guy introduces his boy to his new girlfriend, when they walk away his boy goes "aw man she’s nice i got to get me girl LIKE that"
    if a woman introduces her new man to her girlfriend, when they walk away her girlfriend goes "i got to get him! and i will slit that bitches throat to do it"
  • edited April 2008
    Student0667;27410 said:

    Speaking of grad years, I once heard this pretty funny story from this girl...

    There was this one high school couple and they have been going out of a while. In their grad year, the girl was accepted into some university while the guy didn't. The guy, who didn't get accepted into that university, lied to the girl that he did so she would accept the admission offer and stuff. At the end of the year where most of the grads would gather at a bonfire on the beach wearing the clothing of their perspective post-secondary institute, the guy arrive with nothing. The girl was pissed and the relationship ended.
    ouch.. well i can see why she ended the relationship.. he kinda put her on the spot in front of everyone.. though it baffles me why he didn't keep on lying and say the clothing in the washing machine? :confused:

    but anyway.. see why i prefer money over people and relationships? because some of them are just that weak and that unpredictable.. you don't know when they'll become from your bf/gf one day to someone who's a total stranger in the next.. money or all materialistic things in general.. don't have that variable factor or unpredictability.. which gives a sense of "concreteness" to what they have..
  • edited April 2008
    Sorry if I come across as sexist, but I find woman-woman relationships usually have some kind of trust issues/backstabbing going on. Some girls I've met spend all day talking about other girls, it's ridiculous.

    EDIT: Not just pre-teens or girls in their 20s, but those in the 40s as well. I was working along with two female co-workers, and they spent the entire time talking about whether or not some other co-worker's boobs are real or not.
  • edited April 2008
    its a womans world we have to find the best thats out there

    guys are merely objects to procreate the species...really nothing more than pleasuring devices for women...

    in this day and age we dont need men to protect us anymore, i dont see why men have the right to vote either :(

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