Hey peeps. Just wondering how to tell the difference between infatuation and really falling for someone. I've gotten to know this girl over a couple months' time now and I'm just not sure.
Yea we've gotten to know each other for a couple months now in class and also in a club at SFU. So yes, I guess I am in the friend zone. I'm just confused about whether I'm just infatuated or not. First there's the friendship thing. If I make a move it might just ruin the friendship we have. I feel like I like her, but in some sense I think I'm kind of trying to suppress it because she's a friend, and I don't want to ruin it. And it doesn't help that she really confuses me. She acts like she likes me in some situations, but in others she's totally different.
Yea we've gotten to know each other for a couple months now in class and also in a club at SFU. So yes, I guess I am in the friend zone. I'm just confused about whether I'm just infatuated or not. First there's the friendship thing. If I make a move it might just ruin the friendship we have. I feel like I like her, but in some sense I think I'm kind of trying to suppress it because she's a friend, and I don't want to ruin it. And it doesn't help that she really confuses me. She acts like she likes me in some situations, but in others she's totally different.
I was in your position in my first year. I met this amazing girl, we had a lecture together which means we spend two days a week together in lecture + the subsequent transit home for about 30mins. But we managed to find time for each other to hang out and study and what not, so essentially I was spending all my time with her at school.
It took me forever to finally man up and ask her out, fearing that it'll ruin our friendship. And to be honest, it feels a lot better once it was out in the open. We managed to stay pretty close despite her not sharing the same feelings for me as I did for her, so I guess I was lucky in that perspective.
But yah, just gotta find out by asking or you'll forever wonder what if.
And be confident when you actually make a move. If you go in there thinking "why would she like me" then she'll be turned off so don't even bother. Think about all the reasons she DOES like you, and play off those to maintain a confident edge in your demeanor ;)
Both of you should just go out and get really drunk. Then you should try kissing her. If she slaps you in the face, you could just say it was the alcohol and pass out for a bit and wake up like you had no idea that you kissed her...."I kissed you?? When? You're lying."
Then you will know if she likes you and you will also know if you like her by how you felt when you kissed her. :)
Yea we've gotten to know each other for a couple months now in class and also in a club at SFU. So yes, I guess I am in the friend zone. I'm just confused about whether I'm just infatuated or not. First there's the friendship thing. If I make a move it might just ruin the friendship we have. I feel like I like her, but in some sense I think I'm kind of trying to suppress it because she's a friend, and I don't want to ruin it. And it doesn't help that she really confuses me. She acts like she likes me in some situations, but in others she's totally different.
Doesn't sound like an "infatuation vs not infatuation" debate here then. Sounds more like you're worried that things might go wrong with the relationship you currently have.
All people have that initial feeling of being enamoured with somebody when they like them. Hell, I say, if you feel that, then there's gotta be something there. Try it out. The biggest regrets you'll ever have are the chances you didn't take.
And of course, we've already established the solution to problems of determining whether a girl likes you or not: Just whip it out, and hope for the best.
Infatuation is when you like someone but you dont know them well or dont know much about them, its like being in love but not founded on anything solid or tangible.
You can be infatuated with some stranger you always run into but never speak to, or very little
i dealt with infatuation by testing if i really miss that person.. i would avoid/keep myself busy for a week or so to see if that feeling is there... if it isn't then it's probably just infatuation.. if it is.. well then i've gotten myself a problem.. this doesn't always work and so i might give myself more time to find out.. but yeah.. that's how i tell.. =\
Thanks for the advice guys. Didn't check back for a couple days.
Illicit, I like your straightforward approach to the problem. But yea, like Kevin M said, I'm not sure whether it's the right thing to do because she's such a great person I don't want to end up making things awkward and then losing her as a friend. We have lots of things in common and we share opinions on lots of stuff too so I've really enjoyed being friends but I guess I'm afraid of losing even that.
The weird thing is, she asks me for help, asks me to do stuff with her, tells me about her love life, tells me about herself, I think I know too much about her already. So I feel that she feels she can trust me as a friend, as a confidant, but nothing more. She just confuses me all the more because she asks me to go places with her and help her out with stuff. Then in other situations, like when she's with her friends or when we're with other people, like at our club meetings, she's in some sense cold to me but she sort of ignores me, leaving me confused as hell.
Given this who would deny that girls are confusing as hell? ;)
And in response to baby_e's suggestion, I came so close to getting drunk with her. But this is what happened.
After the midterms, we agreed to go drinking together. But on the day we were supposed to go, she didn't return my calls and messages. When I saw her in class, I didn't say anything about it in the hopes that she would bring it up first. Throughout the whole 3 hours she didn't say anything about it, but went on to talk to me about other stuff. So I finally got fed up and just asked her "What happened on Sunday?" At first she was like "Huh? What?" and it dawned on her and she was like oh sorry sorry, etc. so we arranged to meet up last Saturday. But this last Friday we had a club event at school and we all went drinking afterwards, so we decided to drink then. But she said she had a headache and wasn't feeling too good. So I ended up drinking, and got pretty drunk.
We played some drinking games, and we played a modified version of Spin the bottle/truth or dare type thing where the person chosen were asked personal-type questions. When it was my turn, someone asked "Among the people here who would you go out with if you could?" I wasn't sure if I should say it was her because I figured even saying it was her would make things so awkward between us, cuz she'd know that I would if I could.
So I just opted to chug more liquor instead ;) But in hindsight, I wonder if I should have just said it was her. Would she just think I was drunk? And if it would have turned out for worse, I could have just said I was drunk. I was kind of shy about it but also the whole friendship thing kinda kept me from saying it, cuz we both know we're pretty close.
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dun dun dun. " FRIEND ZONE " all the best.
for your situation, instead of playing games, make a move or talk to her, ask her out on a date then it'll give you a definite answer?
It took me forever to finally man up and ask her out, fearing that it'll ruin our friendship. And to be honest, it feels a lot better once it was out in the open. We managed to stay pretty close despite her not sharing the same feelings for me as I did for her, so I guess I was lucky in that perspective.
But yah, just gotta find out by asking or you'll forever wonder what if.
Then you will know if she likes you and you will also know if you like her by how you felt when you kissed her. :)
All people have that initial feeling of being enamoured with somebody when they like them. Hell, I say, if you feel that, then there's gotta be something there. Try it out. The biggest regrets you'll ever have are the chances you didn't take.
And of course, we've already established the solution to problems of determining whether a girl likes you or not: Just whip it out, and hope for the best.
You can be infatuated with some stranger you always run into but never speak to, or very little
Illicit, I like your straightforward approach to the problem. But yea, like Kevin M said, I'm not sure whether it's the right thing to do because she's such a great person I don't want to end up making things awkward and then losing her as a friend. We have lots of things in common and we share opinions on lots of stuff too so I've really enjoyed being friends but I guess I'm afraid of losing even that.
The weird thing is, she asks me for help, asks me to do stuff with her, tells me about her love life, tells me about herself, I think I know too much about her already. So I feel that she feels she can trust me as a friend, as a confidant, but nothing more. She just confuses me all the more because she asks me to go places with her and help her out with stuff. Then in other situations, like when she's with her friends or when we're with other people, like at our club meetings, she's in some sense cold to me but she sort of ignores me, leaving me confused as hell.
Given this who would deny that girls are confusing as hell? ;)
After the midterms, we agreed to go drinking together. But on the day we were supposed to go, she didn't return my calls and messages. When I saw her in class, I didn't say anything about it in the hopes that she would bring it up first. Throughout the whole 3 hours she didn't say anything about it, but went on to talk to me about other stuff. So I finally got fed up and just asked her "What happened on Sunday?" At first she was like "Huh? What?" and it dawned on her and she was like oh sorry sorry, etc. so we arranged to meet up last Saturday. But this last Friday we had a club event at school and we all went drinking afterwards, so we decided to drink then. But she said she had a headache and wasn't feeling too good. So I ended up drinking, and got pretty drunk.
We played some drinking games, and we played a modified version of Spin the bottle/truth or dare type thing where the person chosen were asked personal-type questions. When it was my turn, someone asked "Among the people here who would you go out with if you could?" I wasn't sure if I should say it was her because I figured even saying it was her would make things so awkward between us, cuz she'd know that I would if I could.
So I just opted to chug more liquor instead ;) But in hindsight, I wonder if I should have just said it was her. Would she just think I was drunk? And if it would have turned out for worse, I could have just said I was drunk. I was kind of shy about it but also the whole friendship thing kinda kept me from saying it, cuz we both know we're pretty close.
Am I over-analyzing?