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Quitting Smoking
The smoking on campus thread got me thinking that i should write a thread on this. Theres no health forum, so I thought Id post it in here.
My bf smokes and it is the worst thing in the world. Im a non-smoker and I hate how he smokes. When we first met, he PROMISED me that he would quit smoking....i told him that I wouldnt date him otherwise. He told me that it would take a little bit of time for him to ween himself off of cigarettes.
Well, almost 8 months later, guess what, hes still smoking, and im really fed up with it. If theres one thing that I would ever break up with him for (other than cheating on me of course) it would be for this. I want him to quit because:
- he would be healthier
- it would decrease his chances of possibly getting lung cancer in the future
- he wouldnt stink of cigarettes!
- etc etc etc
He told me that he would get some pills to help him stop. When I followed up and asked him about this not too long later, he told me that his health coverage didnt cover the pills and that they were too expensive for him to get. I think the pills are Zyban or something (Im really not sure of the name of it) and he told me that they cost about $800. Well, I told him i would pay for half of it (I think thats pretty good for me to offer to pay $400 in order to help him quit) and he STILL hasnt gotten them.
I told him to try to nicorette or nicoderm gum and he wont do it....says it doesnt work.
Well what the hell do i do now? I dont want to end up marrying him and he still continues to smoke (and what if we have kids one day? They'd be around smoke?!?? Hell no!). Ive put up with it for so long and i am at my wits end here. He smokes CONSTANTLY. True, he goes outside to smoke, but he literally leaves me at the dinner table in a restaurant to go and smoke. And when he comes back, he smells like smoke and it makes me so nauceous! He told me hes going to the doctor this week to ask him some stuff, and I told him to ask the doctor about quitting smoking and he was like, "Ummm, yah, sure. If theres time I'll ask." :/
I dont know what to do. I know that you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink, so i know that i cant force him to quit if he really doesnt want to, but is there anything else that i can do?? This is so bothersome and a real turn-off. Any tips?
My bf smokes and it is the worst thing in the world. Im a non-smoker and I hate how he smokes. When we first met, he PROMISED me that he would quit smoking....i told him that I wouldnt date him otherwise. He told me that it would take a little bit of time for him to ween himself off of cigarettes.
Well, almost 8 months later, guess what, hes still smoking, and im really fed up with it. If theres one thing that I would ever break up with him for (other than cheating on me of course) it would be for this. I want him to quit because:
- he would be healthier
- it would decrease his chances of possibly getting lung cancer in the future
- he wouldnt stink of cigarettes!
- etc etc etc
He told me that he would get some pills to help him stop. When I followed up and asked him about this not too long later, he told me that his health coverage didnt cover the pills and that they were too expensive for him to get. I think the pills are Zyban or something (Im really not sure of the name of it) and he told me that they cost about $800. Well, I told him i would pay for half of it (I think thats pretty good for me to offer to pay $400 in order to help him quit) and he STILL hasnt gotten them.
I told him to try to nicorette or nicoderm gum and he wont do it....says it doesnt work.
Well what the hell do i do now? I dont want to end up marrying him and he still continues to smoke (and what if we have kids one day? They'd be around smoke?!?? Hell no!). Ive put up with it for so long and i am at my wits end here. He smokes CONSTANTLY. True, he goes outside to smoke, but he literally leaves me at the dinner table in a restaurant to go and smoke. And when he comes back, he smells like smoke and it makes me so nauceous! He told me hes going to the doctor this week to ask him some stuff, and I told him to ask the doctor about quitting smoking and he was like, "Ummm, yah, sure. If theres time I'll ask." :/
I dont know what to do. I know that you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink, so i know that i cant force him to quit if he really doesnt want to, but is there anything else that i can do?? This is so bothersome and a real turn-off. Any tips?
Comments
He probably just enjoys it, maybe helps him deal with things or something, that's what my girlfriend always says, haha.
You've done everything you can, try to talk him into making it his new years resolution or something? lol
I think the answer to this question is different for everybody. The reasons people start smoking and continue smoking vary from one person to the next, so a good place to start would be to discuss your boyfriend's smoking habit with him and see why he does it. Try to figure out if it's a biological addiction (meaning he experiences withdrawal symptoms if he doesn't smoke) or if it's a psychological addiction (meaning he has been smoking so long that it is a part of his thinking).
Then, instead of approaching his smoking as a "problem," try to take a "progress oriented" approach. Quitting cold turkey is a hard thing to do, so it may be asking too much of him. Try to set goals with him to help him. For example, if he smokes 10 cigs a day, tell him to decrease by one each day until he gets to 2 a day. When he has a craving, tell him to replace the smoking with, for example, a coffee. Or, keeping a candy bar on hand helps to fill the void while the craving subsides. In this way, wean him off of smoking gradually rather than expecting a complete turnaround. As a former smoker I know how habitual and necessary it becomes over time, but the longer he smokes, the harder it will be to quit. Keep him away from people/activities that remind him or expect him to smoke (ie. clubs, smoker friends etc)
More importantly, make him conscious of his health from a broader perspective. If you take an indirect approach (ie. motivate him to start working out regularly) he is likely to realize that smoking is counterintuitive for his goals. Start going running or playing sports so that he realizes how bad his cardiovascular health has gotten after only 8 months. I hope I've given you some ideas to help him, if you have any questions I will try to answer them as a person who has quit smoking successfully.
I'm also attaching my lecture slides from my Health Psych class which may give you a bit more insight into smoking. I'm very interested in this lifestyle choice that people make, so I'd be very interested to hear other comments and opinions that you guys may have.
Honestly, I feel that he just doesnt want to quit. This is a big thing to me and very irritating. I mean, lets face it, its not like someone biting their nails. This is a terrible habit.
So, this is what hes told me: he tells me that he has quit before so he can do it again. But yet he doesnt. I have told him to cut down on the daily cigarettes. He doesnt do that either. Everytime I bring it up, he says, "Why do you always have to start a fight over this?", even tho i am not starting a fight, i am simply just trying to encourage him to quit.
He used to work out quite a bit AND smoke too. I asked him why he cared so much about what he put into his body (cuz he eats pretty healthy) and takes care of how his body looks, but yet smokes those chemicals into his body. He just scoffed at that and walked away cuz he knew i was right.
I will try again tho and try to get him to cut down on his daily cigarettes. He has been smoking for 10 or so years. This is the most frustrating thing ever, you have no idea. It actually makes me sick to be around him when he has been smoking, but he doesnt believe me....thinks im just making it up to try to get him to quit. I really wish I could just get the doctor to write something that shows that Im allergic to cigarette smoke and then I could show him (although i dont think i am allergic to it). He would probably quit then.
I'm actually amazed in that watching-a-train-wreck kind of way at just how addictive nicotine is.
As a smoker, I find that it isn't that I crave cigarettes, for me it's more of a habit i'm just used to--like when I have a cup of coffee, I often have a smoke as well. or when i finish dinner i usually have one. rarely do i ever smoke for the sake of "needing" a smoke. i guess it could be different for other people but for me, it's hard to quit smoking because of these habits i'm used to, but i'm slowly figuring out how to change these habits (after dinner I go out for a walk with my dog or i only go for coffee with other people so I get my mind off of cigarettes).
I remember when I was trying to quit cold turkey I screwed up and had a cigarette. I was thinking, "well, i messed up and had one cigarette so I guess I failed." And so I started smoking again. Then I realized, one messup doesn't mean that I failed at quitting and that I should stop trying. Instead, when I couldn't resist the craving I would reflect back on why and what I should do next time to prevent myself from giving in.
So when I quit, it was only when I drove when I was like "hmm, this is when i smoke"
I could be at school for 10 hours, no problems, then once I got in the car I thought about smoking, lol.