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Would You Move?
Ok, heres the situation. My bf loves Ontario. He thinks its the best place on Earth (even tho he has never lived there, but he has visited there many times). He says there are better job opportunities there, that he can afford to buy a house there (here, he can not, unless he goes to Abbotsford), and that he will get paid more there.
He hates Vancouver. Not only Vancouver, but all of BC. He thinks its a shithole. He says that he will NEVER raise a family here.
And what about me?? Well, I actually like Vancouver. True, I will not be able to afford a home here right now (Im not sure when I will be able to actually), and I dont know much about the job market. But I lived in Ontario for 9 years. And I didnt like it. I didnt like the cold in the winter and the heat in the summer. True, I have not been back there for a while, but I know that I dont like it.
I like the mountains and the water here (as gay as that sounds). But my bf keeps saying to me that once Im done school, we will move to Ontario. And Im so sick of it cuz i dont know if i even WANT to go. I agree, it would be good to move to a new place, but its not like we could just move there for a year to see if we like it and then move back because i know he wont do that. He would go there to stay.
I dont know what to do. This upsets me so much because we have very differing opinions on this matter. I might be up for trying somewhere like Calgary, but ultimately i think that i would want to come back to Vancouver to live (i dont know this for a fact, but it feels that way right now). And he doesnt like Vancouver at all. He wouldnt move back if he left.
So i told him to go. To move there. Without me. He told me he would never move without me. But he keeps mentioning Ontario. "Ontario this and Ontario that. Its so much better in Ontario than here." And its driving me nuts! So i told him, "if you want to live there so bad, i dont want to hold you back. You should go."
What would u guys do? Would you move to be with the one you love even tho you know that you would be utterly miserable there? Remember, ive already lived there and i hated it. I know what its like. But he doesnt. So part of me just tells myself to move there with him because he needs to experience it too. I dont know what to do. :(
He hates Vancouver. Not only Vancouver, but all of BC. He thinks its a shithole. He says that he will NEVER raise a family here.
And what about me?? Well, I actually like Vancouver. True, I will not be able to afford a home here right now (Im not sure when I will be able to actually), and I dont know much about the job market. But I lived in Ontario for 9 years. And I didnt like it. I didnt like the cold in the winter and the heat in the summer. True, I have not been back there for a while, but I know that I dont like it.
I like the mountains and the water here (as gay as that sounds). But my bf keeps saying to me that once Im done school, we will move to Ontario. And Im so sick of it cuz i dont know if i even WANT to go. I agree, it would be good to move to a new place, but its not like we could just move there for a year to see if we like it and then move back because i know he wont do that. He would go there to stay.
I dont know what to do. This upsets me so much because we have very differing opinions on this matter. I might be up for trying somewhere like Calgary, but ultimately i think that i would want to come back to Vancouver to live (i dont know this for a fact, but it feels that way right now). And he doesnt like Vancouver at all. He wouldnt move back if he left.
So i told him to go. To move there. Without me. He told me he would never move without me. But he keeps mentioning Ontario. "Ontario this and Ontario that. Its so much better in Ontario than here." And its driving me nuts! So i told him, "if you want to live there so bad, i dont want to hold you back. You should go."
What would u guys do? Would you move to be with the one you love even tho you know that you would be utterly miserable there? Remember, ive already lived there and i hated it. I know what its like. But he doesnt. So part of me just tells myself to move there with him because he needs to experience it too. I dont know what to do. :(
Comments
Otherwise the entire time you guys are here he can always bring that up if hes not happy, you mentioned your career in other posts, I'm pretty sure theres more job opportunities in toronto than vancouver, assuming he would want to live in toronto.
Worst case scenario, you move back home learning a lesson, and if he chooses to move back or not, then you know if youre with the right person or not.
Yah....I just dont want anyone to waste any part of their life. And Ive told him this, I told him tonite that if he really wants to live there, he should go and do it and follow his dreams. The last thing I want is for him to be miserable here with me and constantly bring it up.
He tells me that he wakes up and hes miserable and the only thing that makes him happy is me :( He said tonite (after i created this thread) that he would never move anywhere without me, and if i want to live in Vancouver that he'll stay with me no matter what. But i KNOW that he will be miserable here.
Ugh. I dont want to be the cause of anyone's sadness or misery. And honestly, cuz hes so miserable here, its made ME more miserable too. I just want him to be happy.
I agree that I should branch out and maybe look at other places to live, but god, i hated ontario so much when i lived there. And i know that he wouldnt leave if we moved there to "try it out"....i just know him and know he wouldnt leave. But its not fair for me to make him stay here either if hes miserable here. I guess i have to look into other cities to see what they're like. I didnt know that Calgary is really different than Vancouver and Toronto.
Un-digressing. That having been said I would tell your boyfriend that there is truth to the aphorism, "the grass always seems greener on the other side of the hill"; enough people have had false illusions about where they're going and when they end up there they realize they didn't do their homework or exercise some basic caution.
(EDIT TO ADD)
Having read your subsequent post I think it's really cheap and lame of your boyfriend to whine and carry on and attempt to guilt you into moving with him by saying you're the one bright spot in his life. True as that may be, that does not give him licence to try and drag you along on his chase of the will-o-the-wisp.
thats about the middle, haha
I know it is going to suck and I have no idea what my situation with my girlfriend will be.
On many indices Vancouver is the most habitable city in North America (if not, the world). We've less pollution and heavy industry than Ontario; we have the ocean and the mountains; we're in proximity to resorts in Whistler. The list goes on. It is a certainty that Vancouver is the most enjoyable city to live in in Canada (Victoria is the other).
I say it's not worth moving. You hated it there and for good reason. Housing may be unaffordable here but you never know what the market will look like in a few years. When 2010 blows over, maybe housing will be more affordable. Anyways, don't expect to own anywhere because you're still young and have yet to establish a career for yourself. I'll guarantee you it'll quiet down after 2010 and then housing will be more affordable and you'll probably be making more.
I do agree that he thinks that the grass is greener on the other side, and I have tried to tell him that. But when someone has something set in their mind, its hard to change it (he has wanted to live there for over 10 years).
As for whether Ontario is better or not than Vancouver, I dont think we can really compare the two. They are both so different. But for me, yes I like the scenery here and I hate it in Ontario. The weather is very different in both places, but the housing is cheaper in Ontario and a few of my profs at school have even told me that they pay higher out there.
But I would so miserable there. But how can I make him stay here if he hates it here? Ugh. Anyways, he told me that he would live wherever I wanted to, which is sweet, but I dont think thats how he truly feels inside.
I agree that he is allowed to have his own opinions on whether he likes it here or not, and Im allowed mine too. Ive thought about Vancouver Island too cuz some place are really pretty out there. I would LOVE to live in Europe, but I have no idea how to go about doing it (my mom was born in a country out there thats in the EU and she lived in London for most of her life, but she doesnt have citizenship in either country, so that kinda screws things up for me cuz I really have no idea how to live there otherwise). But that is where I would ultimately love to end up living.
I guess I just have to wait and see what happens.