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I really need help for a friend...
Ok I need some advice on how to help one of my good friends...
First, we've been friends since high school and well, she's had quite her fair share of issues (her mom died, eating issues) and I've been well aware that she can be very self-destructive. But back then because we were in high school and we saw each other all the time, I was able to offer whatever kind of support she needed.
We traveled last summer together and then she went away to McGill this year, I saw her during Winter break and of course this summer. But seriously, in comparison to when I saw her during winter break and now, well she's not doing very well. A couple of weeks ago she called me and basically reached out to me. I felt it was urgent so I went to see her and she was just a mess. I tried to help her as much as I could but I felt my advice was limited because there are a lot of her issues that I haven't dealt with personally (i.e. her mom's death). Also, she feels all this guilt because her family is quite wealthy and she has all these open doors for her and yet she doesn't understand why she is still so unhappy.
I'll admit she reached out to me in such a direct way because I had been "stuck in a rut" a few years back myself, and I tried to tell her that things get better, but in some cases, to get better she'd need some help (like I did). I asked if she would go see a professional or something, even if i went with her, but she declined. I also remembered that she had a psychiatrist a few years back but that was no good.
I really want to help her, and I've tried and I've tried. I rarely have time to do anything these days with work and school taking up my time, but I always make an effort to try to get her out for some coffee or a light dinner, but she'll agree to go, and then bail out at the last minute.
I feel like I've hit a concrete wall and I can't think of anything else to do anymore. I've asked other people for advice; they tell me it's a phase and to wait it out but that's because they don't know her, and waiting is almost like HURTING her. Some people have even told me that it's ridiculous that she feels that way and she should "get over it", I don't think some people realize how much depression can cloud someone's thoughts and judgments.
She's such a brilliant girl. She was voted as "Most likely to succeed", the next "Christianne Amanpour" my old teachers would say. She has scholarships, she's amazing at playing the violin (she travels to italy to perform most summers), and she is the nicest/most honest person I know but I ALSO know that she has self-destructive tendencies, and I know of several occasions where she was using hard drugs. But this is not the girl I know, the girl I know is outgoing, opinionated, motivated, and I know she's somewhere in there.
I just really wish I could snap my fingers and make this all go away for her, but i know it doesn't work that way :(
Sorry about rambling but what else can I do? What should I do?? I'm really worried about her :( This is basically my last resort, asking you guys...
First, we've been friends since high school and well, she's had quite her fair share of issues (her mom died, eating issues) and I've been well aware that she can be very self-destructive. But back then because we were in high school and we saw each other all the time, I was able to offer whatever kind of support she needed.
We traveled last summer together and then she went away to McGill this year, I saw her during Winter break and of course this summer. But seriously, in comparison to when I saw her during winter break and now, well she's not doing very well. A couple of weeks ago she called me and basically reached out to me. I felt it was urgent so I went to see her and she was just a mess. I tried to help her as much as I could but I felt my advice was limited because there are a lot of her issues that I haven't dealt with personally (i.e. her mom's death). Also, she feels all this guilt because her family is quite wealthy and she has all these open doors for her and yet she doesn't understand why she is still so unhappy.
I'll admit she reached out to me in such a direct way because I had been "stuck in a rut" a few years back myself, and I tried to tell her that things get better, but in some cases, to get better she'd need some help (like I did). I asked if she would go see a professional or something, even if i went with her, but she declined. I also remembered that she had a psychiatrist a few years back but that was no good.
I really want to help her, and I've tried and I've tried. I rarely have time to do anything these days with work and school taking up my time, but I always make an effort to try to get her out for some coffee or a light dinner, but she'll agree to go, and then bail out at the last minute.
I feel like I've hit a concrete wall and I can't think of anything else to do anymore. I've asked other people for advice; they tell me it's a phase and to wait it out but that's because they don't know her, and waiting is almost like HURTING her. Some people have even told me that it's ridiculous that she feels that way and she should "get over it", I don't think some people realize how much depression can cloud someone's thoughts and judgments.
She's such a brilliant girl. She was voted as "Most likely to succeed", the next "Christianne Amanpour" my old teachers would say. She has scholarships, she's amazing at playing the violin (she travels to italy to perform most summers), and she is the nicest/most honest person I know but I ALSO know that she has self-destructive tendencies, and I know of several occasions where she was using hard drugs. But this is not the girl I know, the girl I know is outgoing, opinionated, motivated, and I know she's somewhere in there.
I just really wish I could snap my fingers and make this all go away for her, but i know it doesn't work that way :(
Sorry about rambling but what else can I do? What should I do?? I'm really worried about her :( This is basically my last resort, asking you guys...
Comments
The rest of what I could say is somewhat private information so will not be posted here.
honestly meesh.. i'm afraid i have to say that there's nothing much you can do for her but just be around when she needs you... this is something she needs to sort out herself.. she needs to understand that people die and there's nothing to stop death.. she needs to find out why she's unhappy even though doors are open for her.. wealth does not mean happiness.. so i'm guessing it's something more personal.. so try to help her find out what it is because people who are depressed tend to overlook things.. you can try getting her to talk and dig a little.. she might slip something out here and there that even she isn't aware of.. but it's totally up to her to stand up and walk again.. there's only so much that we can do as friends and sometimes that includes just standing there and watch..
I really thought I would be able to understand her situation, I myself went through a very dark period and it's a constant struggle to this day. But I guess I'm a little self-centered to think that whatever helped me would be able to help her.
I couldn't sleep last night, so I took the day off work and I'm heading over to her house to give her great big hug! :)